A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
Today is the first breastfeeding posts of a couple I have planned. I know some moms that chose not to breastfeed have some residual guilt about that, so I want to preface this series with this statement: I truly believe and trust every mom does what they feel is best for them and their child. It’s a simple statement, but it’s packed with meaning. I believe pregnancy, birth, and motherhood are highly individual experiences. Just as a home birth may not be for you, breastfeeding may not be either. Truth be told, if I worked a Monday through Friday job, 9-5, I probably wouldn’t committ to breastfeeding either. In any case, what I’m saying is that I pass no judgement. For thsoe that are breastfeeding or plan on breastfeeding, I hope you can find something in this series that helps you out. Here we go…
I recently had conversations with a friend who is pregnant and my hairdresser who just gave birth a couple months ago and was a bit taken back with the lack of support they received for wanting to breastfeed. I was somewhat over-the-top with my commitment to breastfeeding Hooper, but even with that intense commitment there were several challenges and obstacles and times where I really really wanted to throw in the towel. What kept me going, you ask? Support. And it wasn’t as if support came knocking on my door in those hard times, it was a conscious effort on my part to seek it out in those tough and trying times. For starters, I had the knowledge of the fact that I was solely breastfed for my first 12 months of life. In my own mother, I had a role model. My midwife at the time, Sarah, was also a lactation consultant and made herself more than available for all of my “what should I do?” and “should I keep going?” questions. She was great and I’ve already had conversations with her this time around for continued lactation support.
Breastfeeding is hard. I had the best of circumstances in that Hooper and Van latched perfectly and I had little discomfort, and the whole experience was and still is incredibly difficult. If I wasn’t so intensely committed, I wouldn’t have persevered. I know that. That’s why I think if you make the decision to breastfeed, you have to set yourself up for success before the baby comes. Here’s some advice I would like to offer:
-Seek advice and support from others who were successful. Lots of people quit for lots of valid reasons, reasons I can surely sympathize with, but when you’re trying to persevere these aren’t the people you want to turn to. Instead, find a role model. I luckily had my mother and knowing she made the sacrifices for me was enough for me to be committed to making the sacrifices for my boys.
-Take a breastfeeding class. It’s so important to know what to expect and to have some sort of knowledge prior to starting out. The first few months are the hardest and I think this is the easiest time to give up. I would recommend doing research before hand and coming to the class with a few questions or concerns that are personal to what you envision your circumstances to be.
-Research breastfeeding support groups in your area. I believe the La Leche League is nationwide. I never used our local La Leche League, but I never had a lack of support either. Again, it’s the breastfeeding mother’s responsibility to set herself up for success. If you assess your situation and lack of support is something you notice, you need to determine where you are going to get the needed support.
-Have a conversation with your husband. It was difficult for me because I felt pressured several times throughout Hooper’s first year to supplement with formula. This pressure did not come from his pediatrician, who fully supported my dedication to solely breastfeed, it came from Willy. It was out of love and concern, but at the time it felt very harsh and un-supportive. I finally sat down with Willy and we discussed my feelings. I told him that what I need is nothing more than continued support and a pat on the back from time to time. I assured him that Hooper’s health was also in my best interest (we worried because he’s always been so thin) and that if he had concerns he needed to bring them to the pediatrician instead of me as there was no way for me to make him drink more or to feed him anymore than I was. I swear, that boy lived at the breast for his first three months. Anyway, make your desire to breastfeed clear to your husband and request his full support. Help him understand that support takes many forms. It means encouragement to continue even when you’re complaining or hurting. It also means bringing you a glass of water to help keep you hydrated. And it also means accepting a grumpy wife who has been up all night because only she can feed the baby.
Feel free to leave any additional advice you would like to offer in the comments below.
Thanks for posting this! I’m a first time mama and breastfeeder; and, just started back to work 2 weeks ago. I had supply issues starting back (my supply is just now starting to get back to normal…), but during that time when I felt helpless and thought I should start supplementing, I had to keep reminding myself this is what my body is meant to do. I think staying motivated and trusting that your body will take care of itself in time (which was a frustrating wait for me) are really important when feeling defeated or overloaded with the responsibility of being baby’s sole source of food. It’s a great feeling of accomplishment to nurse through a rough patch and watch your wee babe grow.
Great post! I would also say surround yourself with people who have more recently breastfed. My mother-in-law tried giving me all sorts of wrong advice about breastfeeding because it had been so freaking long since she had done it! Also, even under the best circumstances, it will hurt for the first twoish weeks. Bad. Like curl your toes, make you want to scream bad. But then all the sudden, it gets much better. Use tons of nipple cream during that time. It helps. Oh and take as many free samples of nipple cream home from the hospital as possible. That stuff is pricy.
For sure. I’d ask my mom so many questions in the beginning. I stopped asking after I kept getting, “uh… I don’t remember” as an answer. Thanks for your input on the pain in the beginning too. I never had much discomfort, but I know I’m the exception. Take all the supplies you can… diapers n’ creams included!
When I had my first, I had planned to breastfeed, and I did try, until the nurses in the hospital were blaming me for not feeding him enough and thats why he lost 1 lb in the first couple days, and basically scared me into formula feeding. if I would’ve researched ahead of time, I would have known that the weight loss was normal (10%), and you dont even have milk the first couple days… I don’t regret not breastfeeding, I enjoyed the help in,the middle of the night, but I think I will try for the next one, since, I know more of what to expect, and you’re right support makes a difference. hopefully this time I can find the right people to turn to. 🙂
Ya, I always wish the nurses in postpartum were more helpful and supportive. Makes me want to be a postpartum nurse instead. Help in the middle of the night is helpful. You could always have your husband wake up and give the baby milk you’ve pumped beforehand. Or, with any luck, you’ll have a good sleeper and only spend a month or two getting up in the night 😉 Good luck this next time around! A lot of the hospitals have breastfeeding support groups that meet weekly.
I love your “breastfeeding in public” part… so many things to fiddle with. If it’s any consolation, I’m much better the second time around! I have a friend that can only breastfeed lying down. We joke that she could start a whole new breastfeeding in public phenomenon, like planking. ha! Thanks for your comment 🙂 xo.
This is so good! I was in the same kind of boat as you, I had a supportive midwife and a supportive mom who breastfed her 3 kiddos but in the end, the anxiety of having a sleepy eater got the better of me. I was still able to pump more than enough (and probably feed a small baby army) but once she had the bottle my little one wanted nothing more to do with the breast. I would say trusting my body’s ability to nourish my baby was the hardest hurdle. Come babe #2, I’ll be going in with way more confidence. You said it so well. “I truly believe and trust every mom does what they feel is best for them and their child.” In the end, as much as I was sad that she wasn’t sucking my boobs, the relief that she WAS being fed outweighed the anxiety.
Hear ye! Hear ye! Every mom has to make the decision that works best for them. The anxiety is so hard to combat. I feel your struggle for sure. I too was so relieved when I did wean to know exactly what Hooper was getting. It probably molded the obsession with what he eats today! haha. Thanks so much for sharing.
Breast feeding is hard. I wanted to give up so many times with my firstborn. My husband would also tell me I shouldn’t feel pressured. Even my mother would ask me if we should supplement because she was worried that Nathan wasn’t eating enough because he was more on the skinny side. But I stuck with it for 10 1/2 months. Now that I’m breastfeeding Jeremiah, I’m more relaxed and not as anxious because I just listen to my body. He’s a much better eater than my firstborn. However, I found it more difficult to pump during my 12 hour night shifts. I actually feel like its easier to pump at work during my 8 hour, 5 day a week job and breastfeed when I get home. I think a lot of it depends on how supportive your employer and coworkers are with breastfeeding.
Wow Tess, congrats on going for so long with your first! It’s really hard without support. Hooper was on the skinny side too, so it was always hard to have my hubby push supplementing. Luckily, my pediatrician supported me and that meant more than the lack of support from my own husband.
How long do you hope to breastfeed Jeremiah for? It seems much easier this time around and I have a better eater too! Yay for good eaters!
I bet you’re right as far as pumping… it sucks trying to pump on my 12 hour shifts. So stressful. My employer and coworkers are supportive, but when it comes down to it, everyone has their own patients to care for and no one is available to do my job for the twenty minutes I’m away. It sucks. I’m dreading going back to work because of the stress of pumping. We’re so low on resources as is… such a hard time to be a nurse 🙁
I think I stressed myself out too much about breastfeeding the first time. But I think that’s why I was able to do it for so long because I was determined. My goal is to breastfeed Jeremiah for at least 6 months and if I can go longer I will. I’m not sure how it will be this time around because I feel like I pump more than I feed him so we’ll see how long milk supply lasts.
Great post. Not to sound like Frugal Farrah, but seeing how much money I was saving was what did it for me. I quit my job to take care of my little one so even when it gets bad (i’m still breastfeeding) I see how much formula costs and I just steamroll right through those rough spots. With that said, if I did have to go back to work, I know my choice would be a lot harder so kudos to all those working mamas out there that breastfeed and work.
It’s so true. There so so many benefits to breastfeeding, but first and foremost it’s nice to save some dough!! Thanks for your honest frugal farrah. ha!
Hey there! I am a new reader of your blog, and I wanted to say I love this post!
My own experience of breastfeeding started when my little boy was born 8 weeks early via emergency c-section and spent the first 5 weeks of his life in NICU.
I was extremely lucky to be at a “milk-friendly” hospital (in Australia) and received incredible support from hospital staff from day one, including regular appointments with their in-house lactation consultant.
I am not going to pretend it was easy, as when he was born he was far to little (1.3kg!) and weak to suckle, so I had to express milk for him every 4 hours round the clock. Some of the loneliest moments in my life were spent sitting up in bed in the middle of the night pumping milk and missing my baby, miles away in a hospital ward.
Anyway, I stuck to it and am so very proud of myself for doing it. He is now very lively little 18 month old and you would never guess that he was premature at all! I felt incredibly strongly that it was something that was too important to give up and I was completely dedicated from day one.
x
I salute you and all other NICU moms for that matter. I can’t imagine…
Pumping can be very lonely. I feel the same way when I’m away at work pumping. Kudos to you for keeping at it, I’m sure it was very challenging. Glad to hear your little one is healthy and thriving 🙂 xo
I’m so glad you’ve done all this before me. Ha. You’ll need to help me when my time comes…
Ohhhh… I notice you changed “if” to “when” and just like that, a smile has slid clear across my face.
Thanks for posting this! I’m a first time mama and breastfeeder; and, just started back to work 2 weeks ago. I had supply issues starting back (my supply is just now starting to get back to normal…), but during that time when I felt helpless and thought I should start supplementing, I had to keep reminding myself this is what my body is meant to do. I think staying motivated and trusting that your body will take care of itself in time (which was a frustrating wait for me) are really important when feeling defeated or overloaded with the responsibility of being baby’s sole source of food. It’s a great feeling of accomplishment to nurse through a rough patch and watch your wee babe grow.
So true. Everything you said. Thanks for sharing a snippet of your experience! xo
Great post! I would also say surround yourself with people who have more recently breastfed. My mother-in-law tried giving me all sorts of wrong advice about breastfeeding because it had been so freaking long since she had done it! Also, even under the best circumstances, it will hurt for the first twoish weeks. Bad. Like curl your toes, make you want to scream bad. But then all the sudden, it gets much better. Use tons of nipple cream during that time. It helps. Oh and take as many free samples of nipple cream home from the hospital as possible. That stuff is pricy.
For sure. I’d ask my mom so many questions in the beginning. I stopped asking after I kept getting, “uh… I don’t remember” as an answer. Thanks for your input on the pain in the beginning too. I never had much discomfort, but I know I’m the exception. Take all the supplies you can… diapers n’ creams included!
That’s why this mother-in-law avoids advice at all costs! 🙂
When I had my first, I had planned to breastfeed, and I did try, until the nurses in the hospital were blaming me for not feeding him enough and thats why he lost 1 lb in the first couple days, and basically scared me into formula feeding. if I would’ve researched ahead of time, I would have known that the weight loss was normal (10%), and you dont even have milk the first couple days… I don’t regret not breastfeeding, I enjoyed the help in,the middle of the night, but I think I will try for the next one, since, I know more of what to expect, and you’re right support makes a difference. hopefully this time I can find the right people to turn to. 🙂
Ya, I always wish the nurses in postpartum were more helpful and supportive. Makes me want to be a postpartum nurse instead. Help in the middle of the night is helpful. You could always have your husband wake up and give the baby milk you’ve pumped beforehand. Or, with any luck, you’ll have a good sleeper and only spend a month or two getting up in the night 😉 Good luck this next time around! A lot of the hospitals have breastfeeding support groups that meet weekly.
I just posted something similar about my experiences to date. Support is key!! Thanks for this post.
I love your “breastfeeding in public” part… so many things to fiddle with. If it’s any consolation, I’m much better the second time around! I have a friend that can only breastfeed lying down. We joke that she could start a whole new breastfeeding in public phenomenon, like planking. ha! Thanks for your comment 🙂 xo.
This is so good! I was in the same kind of boat as you, I had a supportive midwife and a supportive mom who breastfed her 3 kiddos but in the end, the anxiety of having a sleepy eater got the better of me. I was still able to pump more than enough (and probably feed a small baby army) but once she had the bottle my little one wanted nothing more to do with the breast. I would say trusting my body’s ability to nourish my baby was the hardest hurdle. Come babe #2, I’ll be going in with way more confidence. You said it so well. “I truly believe and trust every mom does what they feel is best for them and their child.” In the end, as much as I was sad that she wasn’t sucking my boobs, the relief that she WAS being fed outweighed the anxiety.
Hear ye! Hear ye! Every mom has to make the decision that works best for them. The anxiety is so hard to combat. I feel your struggle for sure. I too was so relieved when I did wean to know exactly what Hooper was getting. It probably molded the obsession with what he eats today! haha. Thanks so much for sharing.
Breast feeding is hard. I wanted to give up so many times with my firstborn. My husband would also tell me I shouldn’t feel pressured. Even my mother would ask me if we should supplement because she was worried that Nathan wasn’t eating enough because he was more on the skinny side. But I stuck with it for 10 1/2 months. Now that I’m breastfeeding Jeremiah, I’m more relaxed and not as anxious because I just listen to my body. He’s a much better eater than my firstborn. However, I found it more difficult to pump during my 12 hour night shifts. I actually feel like its easier to pump at work during my 8 hour, 5 day a week job and breastfeed when I get home. I think a lot of it depends on how supportive your employer and coworkers are with breastfeeding.
Wow Tess, congrats on going for so long with your first! It’s really hard without support. Hooper was on the skinny side too, so it was always hard to have my hubby push supplementing. Luckily, my pediatrician supported me and that meant more than the lack of support from my own husband.
How long do you hope to breastfeed Jeremiah for? It seems much easier this time around and I have a better eater too! Yay for good eaters!
I bet you’re right as far as pumping… it sucks trying to pump on my 12 hour shifts. So stressful. My employer and coworkers are supportive, but when it comes down to it, everyone has their own patients to care for and no one is available to do my job for the twenty minutes I’m away. It sucks. I’m dreading going back to work because of the stress of pumping. We’re so low on resources as is… such a hard time to be a nurse 🙁
I think I stressed myself out too much about breastfeeding the first time. But I think that’s why I was able to do it for so long because I was determined. My goal is to breastfeed Jeremiah for at least 6 months and if I can go longer I will. I’m not sure how it will be this time around because I feel like I pump more than I feed him so we’ll see how long milk supply lasts.
Yeah, I felt like my supply decreased the more I solely pumped. Let me know how it works for you. Good luck!
Great post. Not to sound like Frugal Farrah, but seeing how much money I was saving was what did it for me. I quit my job to take care of my little one so even when it gets bad (i’m still breastfeeding) I see how much formula costs and I just steamroll right through those rough spots. With that said, if I did have to go back to work, I know my choice would be a lot harder so kudos to all those working mamas out there that breastfeed and work.
It’s so true. There so so many benefits to breastfeeding, but first and foremost it’s nice to save some dough!! Thanks for your honest frugal farrah. ha!
Hey there! I am a new reader of your blog, and I wanted to say I love this post!
My own experience of breastfeeding started when my little boy was born 8 weeks early via emergency c-section and spent the first 5 weeks of his life in NICU.
I was extremely lucky to be at a “milk-friendly” hospital (in Australia) and received incredible support from hospital staff from day one, including regular appointments with their in-house lactation consultant.
I am not going to pretend it was easy, as when he was born he was far to little (1.3kg!) and weak to suckle, so I had to express milk for him every 4 hours round the clock. Some of the loneliest moments in my life were spent sitting up in bed in the middle of the night pumping milk and missing my baby, miles away in a hospital ward.
Anyway, I stuck to it and am so very proud of myself for doing it. He is now very lively little 18 month old and you would never guess that he was premature at all! I felt incredibly strongly that it was something that was too important to give up and I was completely dedicated from day one.
x
I salute you and all other NICU moms for that matter. I can’t imagine…
Pumping can be very lonely. I feel the same way when I’m away at work pumping. Kudos to you for keeping at it, I’m sure it was very challenging. Glad to hear your little one is healthy and thriving 🙂 xo