Growth & Appearance: Your teeth are starting to make their way in. Your one fang is still the most prominent but you have it’s opposite as well as your top two front teeth also just starting to poke through. Otherwise, not much change; your hair is still a light brown, eyes still grey, same…
Everyone talks about how fast life seems to go, perhaps even more so when you’re a parent and you can see all these little (big) changes that when juxtaposed to the same time just the year before point to how things change, seemingly overnight. The start of kindergarten already pressing down of the culmination of such. A single tooth sitting in my medicine cabinet because the sentimentality of throwing something away that’s been with him for six years feels strange (and yet, so does keeping it). A mouth full of others starting to wiggle, they way he has to bite down on chips out of the side of his mouth a staple for this phase of life. Excitement over new a new toy now giving way to periods of boredom. Tantrums, that we thought were behind us, rearing their mean head; “I hate being a kid” and “I want to make the rules” being my two (least) favorite mantas. And yet, sewn into all of it such innocence and tenderness, am empathy that’s always been a part of who he is; the pare I treasure most about him. From baby, to toddler, to boy all in the blink of an eye; and now, from boy to, I dunno, kid. I can’t think of a guest more uninviting than time.
I snapped these images of Dori and Adam, with sweet Noah, on the brink of the end of one chapter of motherhood and the start of another. The decision of when to ween a breastfed child is so individual, the signs of such different for everyone. Just the other month we were out to lunch when…
I can’t even remember what my official due date was, I believe it was the 5th, all I knew is that it came and went and I felt this rush of urgency over a bomb I had no control in the detonation of. Waking each morning and wondering if today was the day; my concentration on minuscule things like the weather or what astrological sign he (though we did not know it was a ‘he’ at the time) would be born under.
All the anxiety and anticipation bounding inside me, like water on the brink of boiling. So that when it did happen, it happened without question, an audible pop from inside me like the cork flying out of a champagne bottle.
Our only planned hospital birth and as irony would have it, he was nearly born in the car. Forty-five minutes of complete surrender to a pain that left no room to even will it’s disappearance. A few minutes collecting things at home, a 25 minute drive, a 10 minute transfer up to a room, and five minutes total in a hospital bed. And there he was, in my arms, all 10 lbs of him. Another boy. But more importantly, another healthy boy.
My sweet Sonny, I fought for you. You are the third I knew I always wanted well before you were even you. I had no hope of who you’d be or what you’d be, I just knew I needed you. And now I know why. You are potentially (I mean, I can always hold onto hope, right?) the last piece to the puzzle. You are so loved and you have protection built in for life by way of two older brothers that adore you but hate when you touch their legos. Happy first birthday, mi amor.
(Sonny’s birth story can be found here).
No matter the size of the audience, I think anyone that posts anything these days does a second peek back to see how it was perceived; to see how it was accepted or liked or if it proved relevant in the lives of others. And that’s just social media. Imagine publishing a novel. I suppose others aren’t privy to the process; the time, dedication, push and pull that is the publishing world. My own knowledge, limited, even as a sister to a published author. But witness, I have. The highs, the lows, the triumphs, the defeats. It’s such a ruthless industry. In any event, I mentioned it here before that my sister is now a published author. Her book has been out for coming up on a year and if you haven’t checked it out yet, you should. You can read the reviews and purchase it here.