Portrait Series | April

ashley jennett

ashley jennett

A portrait of my family once a month in 2017

Willy: Had me hold a lighter to his butt when he farted and was then surprised when it blew up and singed his butt hair. For a guy that has done all the tricks in the book, it came as a surprise to me that he had a) never done it and b) believed it was a myth.

Hooper: Hard a stomach bug (which started inconveniently on our way home from Arizona). He told me, “Mom, don’t worry, I used the nometer (aka thermometer) and held it to my tummy and it said 99. I’ll bet tomorrow it’s 100, because I’m feeling much better”. As if the reading is in percentages. Bless him.

Also, disclosed that he’s been peeing in a plastic container in the backyard and revealed to us his, um, collection.

Van: Examined my armpit and asked why I have so many splinters.

Sonny: Farted and laughed, which we all translated to mean that he gets what it means to be a part of our family.

Me: Had my electric toothbrush run out of power mid-brush and for a split second thought, “well, how am I gonna brush my teeth now?”.

Jimmie: Got caught one on one with Sonny offering his paw in hopes of Sonny sharing a piece of his cracker.

Portrait Series | March

family portrait series

family portrait series

A portrait of my family once a month in 2016

Willy: Got put on laundry duty during March Madness and spent a good 5 unnecessary minutes berating me about my underwear, referring to them as homeless looking. Buy me new ones, fucker, buy me new ones.

Hooper: Had so much dirt caked on his neck that I became convinced he developed a birthmark as if developing a birthmark is a thing. I also thought his eyebrows were starting to grow in funny; also, dirt.

Van: Came down in one of Sonny’s shirts compliments of Hooper who had mistakenly hung up Sonny’s shirts with their own. The mid-drift (aka mini-man-drift) combined with the complete lack of awareness made for a good laugh.

Sonny: Pooped out one of the “cuties” stickers found on the little oranges prompting me to consider a hashtag of #thingsfoundinsonnyspoop.

Me: Got distracted the other morning while making the boys breakfast and didn’t realize I left their eggo waffles, which was a huge portion of what we were calling breakfast this particular morning, in the toaster. Came home that afternoon to find two limp, sad waffles. Gave em to Sonny instead. Kidding. But still, Mom fail.

Jimmie: Will be the reason we invent nighttime quiet shoes for dog and become millionaires. His nickname is clink clanks.