A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
So that’s a picture of an x-ray of what my back looks like today. It may be shocking to you, but it’s an image I’ve seen for years and years. I was first diagnosed with scoliosis when I was an adolescent. I went for check-ups and knew that, down the line, surgery may be part of my reality.
And now, it is.
The last time I saw a spine surgeon was seven or eight years ago, before I was a mother, a nurse, or a wife. I was told to come back the following year for another x-ray and, well, life started moving as fast as highway signs on the freeway.
I had to go on maternity leave early when I was pregnant with Van. I was in the worst pain ever. I don’t know how much of that was specifically related to my scoliosis, but given the fact I had significant diastasis recti after Hooper, my back had very little abdominal support prior to getting pregnant the second time. And a second 9+ lbs baby didn’t help matters, either.
And so, my spine has kept moving. So much so that I have seen two different well-renowned surgeons that have both told me I need to have surgery.
I’ll be having surgery in the middle of October. It’s a major surgery. I’ll be in the hospital for 7 days and will be on ridiculous bending/lifting/twisting restrictions for a few months. I’ve been told to expect to feel like I’ve been run over by a semi truck. I won’t be allowed to lift anything heavier than a coffee cup for the first few weeks and it will be months before I’m allowed to pick up my littlest loves (which also means it will be months before I lift Van in and out of his crib, high chair, car seat, etc… It’s going to be a rough road). Ho hum.
Life is going to be hard for a bit. I worry not for myself, but for my family. Willy will have a lot on his plate and the boys’ world will be flipped upside down. I’m trying to prepare mentally and physically as best as I can, but it’s hard to know how to plan for things you can’t envision.
I’ve invited a few friends to guest post in my absence. I’m quite behind in posting anyway so it might be a nice time to get caught up. But if it gets quiet around here, you know why. I’ll keep you updated as my surgery date draws nearer, but please send good thoughts my way.
21 Responses
Wow, that looks painful. Really hope everything goes well for you in surgery!
I don’t know why but reading this made me tear. I feel for you. Josh and I will try our very best to help in any way we can. My offer is still on the table to help with groceries and dinner and the kids. Just let us know when. I hope we can see each other before the surgery. Sending you love & light. xo
this made my heart ache for you so bad. wishing there was anything i could do from afar besides sending my deepest wishes for the speediest recovery. i too, would worry more about the three boys than myself. that what mamas do, i guess. i know your strong and loving family can get through it all, and wish you only see the light at the end of your tunnel. rock on, mama. kick some scoliosis ass.
Do you remember the time the doctor called the interns into the exam room and said, “Aren’t you amazed she can walk straight?” Somehow, your body adapted to that curve and you didn’t just survive–you thrived. The same will happen with the surgery. You will amaze those f-ing doctors (and their interns) all over again. You know I’m here to help whenever, however. I’m so happy to see you on Friday and the next weekend to share some upright time together before you confined to a bed. If you need a list of movie recommendations, I’ve got those too. Love you, Beeze.
You are an amazingly strong mama. It looks like you have a rough road ahead, but you can and will get through it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s amazing how people will jump in to lend a hand if you just ask. Let someone else bring you meals and groceries, ask friends to come stay and help with the boys. This will be just a blip in the grand scheme of life, and the boys probably won’t even remember a time when their mama couldn’t pick them up!
goodness, girl. i’ve never seen an x-ray like that. i didn’t even know people were up, walking around with that going on inside them. so sorry you have to endure this but…you will. you have to, right? this, too, shall pass. my thoughts and major positive vibes are being sent your way, for you and for your family. of course it will be tough on them but they’ll end up stronger at the end of all of this, just like you will. you’ll all have stronger backbones 🙂
That is some curve you have there! My younger sister had the surgery a few year ago, she completely amazed me during the whole operation and recovery, and most of all she amzed herself. It was a long road but one that she along with family and friends got through. Best of luck and loads of love coming your way xx
Holy shit… Sorry but I don’t know what else to say. Your x-ray has taken my breath away. I hope you have an amazing support team and that surgery goes well for you. Too far away to offer and physical help, but I am thinking of you.
Ashley, I’m shocked. I can only imagine what it must feel like to prepare for such a major surgery and what it will mean for your boys, all three. Do you have a meal train set up? I would love to bring a meal or help in any little way I can.
Good god that looks unpleasant to put it mildly. It really puts my back issues into perspective. I can’t imagine what you might be feeling leading up to this, not being able to be a mama in the way your boys have grown used to…my heart goes out to you. I’m sure time will creep by when you’re in it, but one day you will blink and it will all be behind you and life will be back to normal. Good luck lady!
What!? That x-ray is insane! It’s for the best you are going through with this surgery, you shouldn’t have to suffer like this any longer. Wishing you all the best and hoping for a speedy recovery!
My friend had scoliosis or lordosis. Before her surgery she was only up to my shoulder and after her surgery she was like a foot over me. hang in there! 😉
Good luck mama! My friend had the surgery and grew a few inches after the rods were placed and she was straightened out. I think you are already quite tall, right? You may have to consider runway modeling : )
Oh. My. Actual… how you got through pregnancy with that curved spine, you’re amazing. I’m so sorry that you have to go through the challenges ahead. Sending positive thoughts and good luck, hope it all goes perfectly and you recover quickly. X
So that’s a picture of an x-ray of what my back looks like today. It may be shocking to you, but it’s an image I’ve seen for years and years. I was first diagnosed with scoliosis when I was an adolescent. I went for check-ups and knew that, down the line, surgery may be part of my reality.
Wow, that looks painful. Really hope everything goes well for you in surgery!
Erin
Sending healthy vibes your way!! I hope that your recovery is swift and your family strong. You’ve got this, girl!
I don’t know why but reading this made me tear. I feel for you. Josh and I will try our very best to help in any way we can. My offer is still on the table to help with groceries and dinner and the kids. Just let us know when. I hope we can see each other before the surgery. Sending you love & light. xo
this made my heart ache for you so bad. wishing there was anything i could do from afar besides sending my deepest wishes for the speediest recovery. i too, would worry more about the three boys than myself. that what mamas do, i guess. i know your strong and loving family can get through it all, and wish you only see the light at the end of your tunnel. rock on, mama. kick some scoliosis ass.
Do you remember the time the doctor called the interns into the exam room and said, “Aren’t you amazed she can walk straight?” Somehow, your body adapted to that curve and you didn’t just survive–you thrived. The same will happen with the surgery. You will amaze those f-ing doctors (and their interns) all over again. You know I’m here to help whenever, however. I’m so happy to see you on Friday and the next weekend to share some upright time together before you confined to a bed. If you need a list of movie recommendations, I’ve got those too. Love you, Beeze.
You are an amazingly strong mama. It looks like you have a rough road ahead, but you can and will get through it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s amazing how people will jump in to lend a hand if you just ask. Let someone else bring you meals and groceries, ask friends to come stay and help with the boys. This will be just a blip in the grand scheme of life, and the boys probably won’t even remember a time when their mama couldn’t pick them up!
goodness, girl. i’ve never seen an x-ray like that. i didn’t even know people were up, walking around with that going on inside them. so sorry you have to endure this but…you will. you have to, right? this, too, shall pass. my thoughts and major positive vibes are being sent your way, for you and for your family. of course it will be tough on them but they’ll end up stronger at the end of all of this, just like you will. you’ll all have stronger backbones 🙂
That is some curve you have there! My younger sister had the surgery a few year ago, she completely amazed me during the whole operation and recovery, and most of all she amzed herself. It was a long road but one that she along with family and friends got through. Best of luck and loads of love coming your way xx
Wow, and I thought I had bad back problems! I hope your not in too much pain. Good luck with the surgery.
Holy shit… Sorry but I don’t know what else to say. Your x-ray has taken my breath away. I hope you have an amazing support team and that surgery goes well for you. Too far away to offer and physical help, but I am thinking of you.
Ashley, I’m shocked. I can only imagine what it must feel like to prepare for such a major surgery and what it will mean for your boys, all three. Do you have a meal train set up? I would love to bring a meal or help in any little way I can.
Thoughts and prayers are yours strong lady x
Good god that looks unpleasant to put it mildly. It really puts my back issues into perspective. I can’t imagine what you might be feeling leading up to this, not being able to be a mama in the way your boys have grown used to…my heart goes out to you. I’m sure time will creep by when you’re in it, but one day you will blink and it will all be behind you and life will be back to normal. Good luck lady!
What!? That x-ray is insane! It’s for the best you are going through with this surgery, you shouldn’t have to suffer like this any longer. Wishing you all the best and hoping for a speedy recovery!
My goodness! I’m not the praying kind, but I am sending positive vibes your way. Here’s to a speedy (as speedy as possible) recovery!
My friend had scoliosis or lordosis. Before her surgery she was only up to my shoulder and after her surgery she was like a foot over me. hang in there! 😉
Good luck mama! My friend had the surgery and grew a few inches after the rods were placed and she was straightened out. I think you are already quite tall, right? You may have to consider runway modeling : )
i’ve been thinking if you and that PICTURE off and on for a few days!! much love and a quick recovery!!!!!
Oh. My. Actual… how you got through pregnancy with that curved spine, you’re amazing. I’m so sorry that you have to go through the challenges ahead. Sending positive thoughts and good luck, hope it all goes perfectly and you recover quickly. X
Sending you good thoughts and here’s hoping for a speedier recovery than they are estimating!