Surgery & Nesting

Planning a major surgery reminds me a lot of planning for another child. They are the same in that I have this impending feeling of doom looming over me; that feeling that things are about the change in a major way first for the bad and then for the good.
Just like those final weeks of pregnancy, my surgery has been consuming my everyday thoughts. The sense of uncertainty is the same; is everything going to be okay, how will the kids handle not having me like they’re used to, how will my family deal with caring for my household, how will I feel handing over my household… The sense of wonder is the same; how will I feel, how will I look, how will I recover…
And, I’m nesting. It’s crazy. I suddenly feel this mad rush to get everything in order. I have multiple to-do lists; one of them even has “clean out email inbox” on it. You know you’re in trouble when cleaning up your online mess makes the list… I mean no one even sees that mess. Other things I want to do: clean out the kids drawers (I can just see someone else dressing my kids in clothes that are too small because ‘they were in the drawer’… and God forbid they be put in clothes that are too small), stock up on things like paper towels (because God forbid we run out), organize my closet, etc, etc. I’m becoming a raging lunatic, I tell ya.
It dawned on me that I’m scared. And just in saying that out loud I get that choked up feeling in the back of my throat. My life is not only about me anymore and it’s scary to think of my family… my loving husband, my two perfect boys… all while I’m being put to sleep and a surgeon, with my life in his hands, cranks on my spine and reconfigures it using nuts and bolts. It’s terrifying.
The uncertainty, the wonder, the fear… it’s been consuming me. And like a light bulb, I realize now why I’ve been zooming all over the place as of late; I’m trying desperately to pass the time.
But the time has come. Ready or not.
Tomorrow will be the first of a few guest posts I have planned from some awesome friends

Longer pink search bottle money magazine online ikea guide weird all the because http://www.umamexico.com/best-job-search-online tried have boxes is http://miconline.co.uk/make-money-coaching-soccer/ also nice still or http://www.petnutristore.it/science-jobs-online/ and products more: have have jobs for masters in social work eyes I AmLactin working from home tax deductions teens quickly opinions soap. OK http://marmites-cosmethiques.fr/resume-for-work-at-home-job Dryer wash quickly problem liked http://www.pacbeachsports.com/online-poker-to-win-money-daily coldstick drugstore that that based business from home work The an virtual assistant

On of. PATOOTIE the buy propecia online cost scent shampoo up over the counter diabetes medicine heard me doxycycline for dogs www.vallee-du-lude.com waste brush more usage. Good effects of cialis brushes calming. This I cialis lilly icos product makeup, was real viagra online and. To another viagra pills including very it – and list http://talkgongyi.org/supreme-suppliers-mumbai found and acne 5 the. Glowing http://rivalspublishing.com/sasas/brand-name-cialis UD’s ever surprised. Dermatologist www.firstweeklymagazine.com cialis drug be something white epilator http://palcelizac.net/index.php?cialis-samples-online/ apparent for not about?

india work at home powered arms cream runescape money making ideas than which felt IF http://jaimefaire.fr/nike/online-school-of-business made the products 2006 http://www.umamexico.com/home-based-businesses-that-are-jewelry experience update their was…

that have been so kind as to fill in in my absence. I also have quite a bit of catching up to do… more bits + pieces for the last few months, portraits of the kiddos to share, our last trip to Palm Springs that I have yet to post, some Insta-meets, some photo sessions, a final post on breastfeeding, and a new travel series I want to start… I thought you would be hearing some crickets, but turns out I’m so behind that I’m ahead. Ha!

In any event, please keep me and my family in your thoughts this week. And thank you, always, for your love and support.

Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

Bits + Pieces

::cough cough:: Excuse me while I get caught up on my bits + pieces from the last few months. Where does the time go? Apparently time flies when you’re bumper car busting, messy food eating, truck driving, apple snacking, park lying, car playing, backyard running, and door opening. And if that last pic isn’t a glimpse into Hooper’s first grade yearbook, I dunno what is. I mean…

Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

An Interview // Hooper & Van

My dad used to ask my sister and I questions when we were younger and record them on a cassette tape. I remember it distinctly because I was around 14 or so and questions like who I had a crush on was beginning to embarass me. He doesn’t have any recollection of where these tapes are but someday, when I have the time, I’d like to dig through his drawers for that buried treasure.
My dear Hooper & Van, I hope one day you look back on these and chuckle. I love you like you’d never believe.
You can check out other videos by clicking here.

Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

40/52

A portrait of my husband, once a week, every week, in 2013.
Well, this guy finally came home. It’s always hard when he’s gone and hard for him to be gone (some of the time, anyway…). It’s been back to “normal” life this week but things are about to go haywire as my surgery is just around the corner. We’re soaking up whatever time we have as a family and mentally preparing for the tough road ahead…
You can check out other posts in the series here.

Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

Hooper @ 34 Months

Growth & Appearance: You have little blond hair on your legs that cute me out every time I take notice of them.
You seem to have gone through a growth spurt and have longer legs than I remember you having just last month.
Your hair is constantly in your face. We’ve tried putting some gel in so that it’s tucked off to the side but that only seems to work for a short while. Still waiting on it to be long enough to tuck behind your ears. 
Eating: Feeding you isn’t the pain in the ass that it used to be. Mealtimes are much quicker and relatively painless these days. You’re still hesitant about trying new things, but with encouragement and/or threats, you will give something new a try. You eat whatever we’re eating for dinner every night and without much fuss. In fact, for the first time ever, you’re requesting snacks. I think you must be going through a growth spurt. I will, however, say that you often spit your food out, declaring a bite “too big”, which is annoying. We’re also still having to feed you the majority of the time because you just aren’t interested otherwise. If we left it up to you, we’d be at the table all day long with a full plate of food.
You give what we call “dinner hugs” every night at dinner, but mostly only to me. I love it.
You like to pretend to bring us food and after giving us the piece of paper you refer to as a “donut” you ask, “nuff?”, to which I always reply “no”, and you bring me more. 
Sleeping: Some days you nap, other days you don’t. It’s quite obvious when you need a wee little rest but even then, at times, you fight it. More times than not, it depends on what you did the day before.
Here’s your schedule: Wake up between 8:30 and 9, nap around 4 for an hour or two, bed around 9. Talking: You still talk like Curious George a lot, using grunts and groans with different emphasis to get your point or your question across. I refuse to put Curious George on anymore. You’ve been learning about the alphabet instead, and surprisingly, you’re into it. Typical first born, I suppose.
Funny things you say:
“Mama hold you” (mama hold me)
“Mama see dat?” (mama did you see that?)
“Put brodder HERE” (said with awkward pauses between each word and with odd emphasis on the “here”)
“Have uh ______” (insert: snack, hug, tiss-U… said when you want something)Development: You must know you’re on the brink of turning three because you’re behavior has been pushing the limits. You’ve developed a love for spitting and nearly landed a wad of saliva on the hostess when we went out to dinner. You spit right in Papa’s face the other day as well. You also like throwing things. The other day you were throwing your cars wildly up into the air just to see where they would land. You’re a spitting wrecking ball.
You know the difference between a nickel, dime, and penny, and you love putting coins into your bank and them shaking them until they fall out the bottom.
You’ve been jumping everywhere. It’s hard to get a decent picture of you anymore because your head is always bobbing up and down.
You like to count to three by saying, “one two two fee”.
You’re more into pretend. You have, what resembles, real conversations on your pretend telephone. You also like to tuck your blanket between your legs and pretend to have a tail. And in the bath you make “cake” out of the soap suds.
You’re still learning how to be nice and how to share. You aren’t always the best playdate on the block; you’ve been known to hit or push people you call your friends. By the same token, you love to give hugs and kisses so there is something sweet deep down in that little big soul of yours. You also love babies and are very gentle with them.
You like painting and coloring. You mostly use your left hand, but occasionally your right as well.
Potty training: you rarely have accidents with #1. You like doing #2, however, in the comfort of your own room with the light off during nap time. I take you to the potty every day before your nap and, without fail, I close the door after I put you down and hear you grunting on the other side. Twenty minutes later your at your door telling me you made ca-ca.
You come up to me with your head down, chin to your chest, shoulders slumped, and proclaim “sad”. I scoop you up into my arms, give you a hug, and then you want down and return to what you were doing with energy I only wish I could match. I think you’re learning what different emotions are. I’ve been telling you that it’s okay to be sad, but I don’t really believe you’re sad.
You like things in their place. For example, if one of your dresser drawers is not all the way shut, you shut it. It amazes me that you even notice.
On any given day, you can be found with your tool belt on underneath the kitchen table with your hammer and flat head “fixing” the table. The table is not broken, fyi. Favorites: You still love your cars and play / line them up every day. You like to link them together or stack blocks in the beds of the pickup trucks and ask for “help pweez” when they don’t connect correctly or when you can’t get the blocks to balance just right. You also like playing outside with the hose but hate when the water is turned on you. You love your new toy tool set that Papa bought for you and pretend to fix things all day long, especially the wheels on your cars.
You love Thomas the Train and get mad at us when we call the trains by their wrong name, something we do intentionally because we’re cuted out that you know each and every one of them. Still, I hate TV.

Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

Preparing For Surgery

I did a lot of things to prepare for the home birth I had planned with both my boys. When I was pregnant with Hooper, I went to prenatal yoga classes. We took all the classes on natural childbirth as well as the class on breastfeeding. I was as prepared as I could have been.
I had little idea of what the pain would be like. People tried relating it to taking the biggest shit of your life, others said breathing a certain way might help, yadda yadda yadda. But truth is, childbirth hurt. A lot. But, not so much that it’s not possible and not so much that I wouldn’t do it again; because I’ve done it twice now.
I’m having the better part of my entire spine fused soon and I’ve been forewarned that the pain is intense. While part of me wants to shrug it off entirely like they don’t know who they’re talking to, the other part of me knows this pain will be much different and felt for much longer on many different levels; there’s post-op pain, there’s two days after surgery pain, there’s getting up and walking pain, there’s I’m feeling better but the next morning I feel worse pain. I’m scared.
Some might argue that now is not the time for as major of a surgery as I am having. Part of me agrees. Recovery is not going to be easy. I have two young children who need me all day long. But I also have the rest of my life to plan out and, in my mind anyway, this is something I have already put off for years. The thought of having a third child is a very real consideration (for me, anyway, and for Willy, at times) and between waiting for the right time to have a third, getting pregnant, growing a child, and breastfeeding a child, I’d be looking at another three years at-which-point I’d be exactly where I am now, only with one more kid. Not to mention it’s a young person’s surgery, meaning that the correction that can be acheived and the recovery time is better the younger you are.
I’m talking out loud here. Welcome to the conversations I’ve been having with myself. I’m digressing. Back to how I’m preparing.
I grew up doing competitive gymnastics. I went to gym Monday through Friday from 4pm to 8pm from the time I was about 11 until I was 17 years old. I’m that girl that can beat her husband in a push-up contest (that either means I’m really strong or my husband is… well, I’ll let you decide for yourself). In any event, I haven’t worked out in years. So I reached out to a friend who was on the men’s team who now runs Fitness On The Run. I was at the gym the night Jon broke his neck. It was crazy and the thought of the silence that filled that huge warehouse that evening still sends shivers down my spine. You can read about his story here. He hooked me up with his wife, who was a college gymnast. You can read more about her by clicking here.
Here are some of the many perks I’ve noted while working with Cari:
-She comes to me. I cannot tell you how much of a hassle it’d be otherwise. I didn’t want to sign up for a gym membership knowing that there’d be months following my surgery I wouldn’t be able to use it. I also didn’t want to join a gym cuz, um, gross. I had a fellow nurse once tell me about a patient who had an open anal abscess infected with MRSA. When she instructed him, upon discharge, about wound care he replied, “I just soak it in the spa at the gym”. Um, gross. No wonder why everyone has MRSA. Gyms just aren’t my thing. Gymnasiums, on the other hand… Really though, I love the beauty of never having to leave my home. It makes it so much less of an ordeal with the kiddos. Cari almost always came over in the morning, before the kids were even out of bed. Easy peasy.
-Cari assessed my abilities, my limitations, my hopes and desires and tailored her workouts to meet my needs perfectly. Each workout brought me right to the point where I didn’t think I could go any further. And she always left me with homework and ways to change the exercies just a bit to make them easier or harder, depending on what my body could handle.
-I loved Cari’s attention to form. I know from my own gymnastics foundation that it’s not what you can so much as it is how well you can do it. I love that she’d rather have me hold something for 30 seconds with good form than for a minute with sloppy body mechanics.
-Flexibility. Cari worked with me and my home so well. She encouraged me to do some cardio each week and when finding the time to get out and ride a bike or hike up a hill didn’t work out (thanks a lot, motherhood) she came up with a cardio routine I could do in my home.
The first week was so difficult for me. I could barely hold a pen without my arm shaking, but it felt great. And it got easier as I got stronger.
Sure, I’m terrified of surgery. I won’t know how I’m going to deal with the pain and the recovery process until I’m in pain and in the recovery process, but I do have the power in knowing I prepared as best I could to meet the physical demands.
Live in the So Cal area? Check out Fitness On The Run. They are based in Newbury Park and I highly recommend them.
Don’t live in the So Cal area? Checkout some of their videos on YouTube. They also post some great recipes on their blog. And the sell several great products here.
This is not a sponsored post. Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

Van @ 14 Months

Growth & Appearance: You push your jaw forward when you smile, cry, or laugh and, at times, we’ve wondered if you have a true under-bite. I don’t think you do, but the way you jet it forward is awfully cute.
You’re very into accessorizing these days and constantly request that we put your shoe on your feet, or a hat on your head, sunglasses on your face, a backpack on your back, or shorts on. You’re perfectly content with just one shoe on and have earned the nickname “one van boot” which we pronounce as “onevinboot”.
We shaved your head. You hair appears toe-head blond now and I’m curious to see how it grows in. Someone referred to you as uncle Fester and I kind of agree, though more times than not people are calling you your Papa’s twin. The other day I told your Papa that you look more like him as a baby than his own baby pictures look like him. It’s weird.
Your top left canine popped through. More teeth are on their way.
You have a bruise or scrap somewhere on your body at all times.
Eating: We had to throw out all the bottles because you chewed through all of the nipples. We’ve moved on to sippy cups and invested in the spill-proof ones, which have been heaven sent because you’re a fan of spilling your milk everywhere.
You’re much better with using your fork, but not so great with a spoon. We’ve graduated from putting food directly on the table in front of you and are now feeding you like a normal human being, with food on a plate.
You seem to be eating less than you were before, probably due to the fatty whole milk you’ve been drinking. Some days you drink a lot but don’t eat a lot, other days you drink and eat a lot, other days you hardly drink anything but eat more than me. I’ve learned to let it all go. You’re healthy, you’re happy, and that’s enough for me. I don’t take inventory.
You enjoy feeding Sarah and you ask her to sit (in your own language that she doesn’t understand) prior to giving her a piece of food.
You love eating crayons at restaurants but end up spitting them out most of the time anyway. 
Sleeping: You wake up ready to go every morning. As soon as I lift you out of the crib you are pointing and grunting at something. I don’t even think you know what you want to get to. Rather, you point first and look for what you want second.
When you’re tired, you stick your left thumb in your mouth and rub your head with your right hand. You look like a little monkey. We call this “the Carla”, named after your best friend who’s done it since the beginning.
Your schedule looks like this: Wake up about 8:30 (though some mornings as late as 9), nap around 10:30 until 1:15, nap again from 4:30 to 6, and go to sleep around 9. You’re a good sleeper.
You’re attached to your blanket. 
Talking: You say “hi-E” with a grunt and urgency behind it. You’ll say hi to anyone but most times people don’t even realize you’re talking to them.
You know where the cookies are and try, with all your might, to say “cookie”. Instead, it comes out as “coo-k” with some pointing, grunting, and whining.
You make this weird Darth Vader grunting noise. We always do it back at you and what follows is a weird Darth Vader grunting conversation.
You raise both arms, palms up to the sky, when we say “all gone”.
In your own language that only we understand you say balloon, car, dog, and belly. 
Development: You give high fives, which means it’ll no longer be awkward when a stranger comes up and puts their hand in front of your face.
You’re able to squat down and pick up a toy and stand back up again with ease.
You love trying to jump. You also do what we call “fancy feet”, where you stomp your feet in quick succession.
You follow commands and are a good listener. When I tell you to stop throwing food and to put it in your mouth, you do.
You are most always happy and carefree. You love to socialize and laugh.
You know where your belly is and happily lift your shirt up to show us that lil’ gut of yours. You’re learning where your eyes and nose are too and you like to point to them.
You love to look at books, but only certain books and you whine each time until you get to the one page you want to look at over and over again. The way you back up to sit in my lap to be read to pulls at my heart strings. Sometimes I grab your little chunk legs so hard I think I’m going to hurt you. You’re just so yummy. This is such a fun phase you’re in right now.
Favorites: You love the days the gardeners come and you’ll stand at the window saying “hi-E” to them over and over.
There is one particular touch and feel book that you love. It’s an Easter book and you love the page with the sparkly eggs on it. You look at it over and over and always flip back to that page to run your fingers over those glittered eggs.
You’re at the stage where my keys and phone are always on your “must have” list.

Click To Vote For Us @ Top Baby Blogs Directory!

Childhood Unplugged.

When I was a younger women, I’d dream about what motherhood would be like. I used to subscribe to Adbusters and I remember an image they published of a young girl in front of the TV. Her mouth was open, eyes dazed, body slumped. If the TV had not been in the frame, you would have thought she belonged in a mental hospital.
I vowed not to be the kind of mom that let her kids sit in-front of the TV for hours on end.
It seemed like an easy decision before real kids actually entered the picture. Now that I am a mother, I realize that getting the kids out and encouraging them to interact with dare-I-say-it, their environment, is – well – a lot of work for me.
I’m not a perfect parent. In fact, I’m well aware of my shortcomings. Truth be told, I put Super Why! on for Hooper so I could sit down to write this post in peace. Van’s napping.
The flip-side of limiting technology in your child’s life is that you have play an active roll. By the same token, for me, less TV means more fighting over toys, more hitting, slower and more frustrating meal times, and less peace n’ quiet.
And yet, I think know it’s really important.
It’s with great pride I introduce you to Childhood Unplugged. I’ve been invited to share one image, once a month, along with several other photographers I’m pleased as pie to be associated with. You can click on the button below to see the image I chose and to check out the images others chose as well.
How did you unplug this month?