As the mother of two boys, I cannot speak on behalf of raising a girl. What I can say is that when I was a teenager, I told my mom I hated her. More than once. I remember a senior trip to Mexico that my friends and I all planned on going to to celebrate graduation from high school. High school, as in I was seventeen and wanting to go to Mexico… where they flip you upside down and shake you after taking shots of tequila so it gets to your brain faster and where you can buy just about anything you need a prescription for here without a prescription, like Viagra. Not that I wanted Viagra or to be shook upside down for that matter. I couldn’t understand, at the time, why my mom wouldn’t let me go (somehow my dad got out of these things scotch-free… all my disgust was always directed toward my mom even when the decisions – like not allowing me to go to Mexico – were made between the two of them). Every boundary felt so personal; it never felt like a decision made for my personal well-being but instead like a decision made to ruin my life. In hindsight, it was out of love, of course.
When I became pregnant with Van a lot of the other nurses at work were hoping it was a girl. People told me I needed a girl. I couldn’t, and still can’t, wrap my head around needinga daughter. Karma is a bitch, so-they-say, and – well – the idea of having a daughter who will eventually hate me when I won’t let her go to Mexico because of fear she’d be gang raped doesn’t sound so peachy. When I found out Van was indeed a boy, there was a lot of sighs and encouragement to have a third. Willy wanted Van to be a girl as well. I always wanted him to be a boy. I always knew, even before becoming pregnant, that I would be a mother to boys. And yet, I felt this weird sort of disappointment when I found out Van was a boy; it was a feeling similar to “another husband?”… “but I already have one of those“. As the reality sunk in, it hit me that my disappointment was not disappointment at all but rather projected disappointment that others were feeling for me. It clouded my own excitement for what I instinctively knew all along: I was going to be the mother to two boys.
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I cannot sit at my computer for more than five minutes without one of my munchkins climbing onto my lap and requesting to watch a tractor video. These are not cartoons, but literally tractors working on construction sites. I know all about excavators, vacuum trucks, impact hammers, bulldozers, and dump trucks. Every Friday, you’ll find the three of us sitting curbside as the garbage trucks go by. Outside our front door is a beloved pile of sticks. I’ve had a worm in my bed. Hooper has told me he likes the dress I have on and he rubs my arm in a sweet loving embrace and tells me he loves me multiple times a day.
Sure, there will be hard times with boys too. It isn’t always going to be easy and fun. It isn’t always easy and fun even now. They too may hate me one day when I don’t let them go to Mexico. The point being, I don’t think I’m missing out.
I think of having a third often. The more my body heals, the less daunting it seems. I’ve always said I wanted three. And, for the record, it won’t be a final attempt at having a girl. I would love three boys.
I can completely relate. I have a 3 year old boy. Who is obsessed with excavators, garbage trucks, etc. as well. Actually, as of late he has turned the obsession to airplanes. I never thought I would know as much about this type of stuff as I do now. I’ve also been corrected by my son when I call something a front loader, when apparently it is a back hoe! I love having a little boy. I always wanted to be a Mom of 2 boys and have had dreams about it. Hoping those dreams can come true some day soon.
Oh yes, I’ve been corrected many times. AND THEY’RE THREE! WTF?! hahahah Thanks for sharing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5PlS0qin0c&feature=youtu.be
You are sooooo welcome.
Oh fuck. You’re my favorite, Ama.
I had my son at 18 and was so relieved when I found out he was a boy! The thought of having a daughter scared the shit out of me because of what an awful teenager I was, hello, I was pregnant at 18. I too had the same type of relationship with my mom. I always thought my parents had some personal vendetta against me but they were being parents who wanted to love and protect their child. Ever since I had Logan though, I’ve known that my next child will be a girl. Just like you said you knew you would be the mother of two boys. It’s just this gut feeling I have. I will not lie, it scares and excites me. My teenage son has teenage defiant behavior but is still a mamas boy at heart. But a girl. Oh my god. I hope I survive! Thanks for sharing this post!
Thanks for sharing! It’s a scary thought to think of our children putting us through what we put our parents through… isn’t it?
I always pictured myself the mother to boys as well. Turns out, I got the girliest little girl ever! I love her to pieces and I absolutely fear the day that she tells me she hates me. I remember how angry my mom made me, and while I never told her that I hated her, I definitely felt it at times. Now I’m at the point where I would love for my Dove to have a sister like I do, but I still secretly hope for a boy.
Ha! Just goes to show…
Back to wanting a third? I had a feeling it would happen as you got back to normal.
One thing: I assume that boys won’t ask to go to Mexico. They’ll just go and say they were camping for the weekend. 😉
I don’t want a third yet… But I’d like to talk about it more toward the end of the year… Not quite at “normal” just yet… And ya, why didn’t I just say I wanted to go camping?! Great thinking.
I always had the thought that I would be the mother of boys, but it wasn’t until baby number three that we welcomed a son to our family. I also was terrible to my mother, and I think she was totally unprepared for how mean a teenage daughter might be. Since she was never able to have a relationship with her mother, she hadn’t gone through the “I hate you” phases herself to know how to deal with them in her own child. She did so with calmness and grace, and I only hope that I can do the same if and when the time comes. I feel like I have a little extra ammonition against my daughters when we come to that point in our mother/daughter relationship.
I always hated the comments when we had our third, and we ended up having a little boy, when people would say, “Oh, so you finally got your boy!” because in reality, we just wanted another baby and would have been perfectly happy with either. Of course, my husband might have said otherwise had he ended up stranded in a home full of women 😉 and we are beyond thrilled that we have a little guy whose favorite toys are sticks and whose knees are always dirty. I just love your description of life with your little boys!
Ya it’s funny that people presume you care one way or another; I think we all just want a healthy baby first and foremost. Congrats on your third though! And yay for your husband… I do think he’ll enjoy having a boy around 😉
Yes to this. The same sex sibling relationship can be such a wonderful thing.
Also, wanted to mention that I would love a post on every single thought in your head about 2 versus 3 kids. We’re pretty sure we’re done at 2 but I still love reading and hearing every opinion out there about it as we come closer to being ready to make our decision ‘final’.
I agree. It was just my sister and I and though we were so different, we played with the same things. We played with Barbies far longer than we care to admit.
oh the world of you tube I never knew existed… my personal fav is the snowblower videos. (we live in the northeast) but really, snowblowers?
I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.
I also told my mom in high school that I would be the mother of four boys; I am half way there.
Xo
Melissa
I never thought about snowblowers… So funny!! xo
Great post! I am pregnant with my second and have a 16 month old boy. Everyone (mostly people without kids that just havent been there yet) asks what we want/prefer. I honestly say neither. I think the idea of brothers is AWESOME. Yes they arent garunteed to be buddies but my husband and his brother are pretty close and seemed like they had a pretty fun time growing up while my older brother and I just didn’t mesh as well. Yes a girl would be totally awesome too. I just want a baby… its something that seems to matter more to others than myself. Maybe its just that whole, they need something to ask/talk about so thats it, type thing that happens so often with life events.
I agree. I doubt people really care… I suppose it’s more or less “typical” conversation when one is pregnant. Good luck with your pregnancy! Hope it’s going smoothly 🙂
Right on sister! I’ve got my 2 boys (it’s a club, right?) and cannot imagine doing the girl thing either. Mine are now getting to that age where they half play/half fight together and always find a way to gang up on mom when we wrestle on the floor. I’m the only one who ends up with minor injuries, of course. But yah know, I wouldn’t trade that stick pile outside our front door for anything else in this world. And- I love relating with you, I frequent your space- to see what you and those two adorable dudes are up to now. It’s nice to feel like I’m not the only one doing this 2 boys-close together deal.
Much admiration!
Oh my gosh, YES. I could have written this exact post (if I had your effortless way with words), except instead of using Van and Hooper’s names, it would be Judah and Benjamin.