There’s loads of different ways to mother a child but I like to break it down to two categories: those who prevent the mess or those who clean it up later. A while ago, my dad suggested I read a story called “Spilled Milk”. I’m not sure where the story came from; leave it to my dad to hand me a neon yellow sheet of paper that has a story about spilled milk on one side and suggestions for password security on the other.
In any case, the story was about a boy who lost his grip on a bottle of milk he was trying to remove from the refrigerator. In true childlike fashion, the milk ended up on the floor. Rather than scold her son, the mother turned the spilled milk into a lesson by stating that when a mess is made, it must eventually be cleaned up. She then gave her son different options for cleaning it up, suggesting a
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sponge, towel, or mop. The boy chose the sponge and they cleaned up the mess together. When the mess was cleaned, she brought her son outside and allowed him to practice carrying the milk without spilling it. The lesson of the story being that we must not be afraid to make mistakes, that with each mistake comes an opportunity for a valuable lesson.
Sure, it’s all kind of cheesy and if you could read, verbatim, the language used you’d have cheese seeping out your ears (I know, it’s a lovely visual). But as I was busy the other morning wanting to ream Van’s neck for throwing ice all over the floor, I thought of this story.
And when he insisted on drinking from a water bottle in my car only to have half of it spill all over himself, I thought of it again.
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And when I needed to use the boys’ clean bath towel to soak up all the water they were spilling out of their bath, I thought of it again.
And when Hooper took my perfectly folded laundry and insisted on helping by picking it up and throwing it in his brother’s room (where it actually did need to go), I thought of it yet again.
And when Hooper started copying me in the yard by cleaning up Sarah’s turds (I had a bag over my hand, he did not), I thought of it again.
I can’t say that each and every one of these scenarios turned into a thoughtful lesson that ended with them practicing cleaning up dog shit, for example, but a lot of them did end with a shoulder shrug, a “thank you for helping”, or a good hand scrubbin’.
That’s because I’ve accepted that I can’t win them all. In fact, I don’t even want to win them all. I love the idea of a child being a child. I love watching my boys explore their world. I see their admiration for me every time they mimic my behavior.
So sometimes spilled milk is okay. Just so long as it’s not spilled breast milk, right?!
What kind of mom are you? Do you embrace messes or try your hardest to prevent them?
Totally right about the breast milk. I’d love to be more like that… I’m a little bit of a screamer sometimes.. It’s inspiring… and I will be thinking of this story when that time comes..
Good stuff! Yeah I am more of an “embrace the mess” mom only because I used to get in trouble for spilling! I remember spilling my milk at the dinner table (obviously 100+ times) and bawling about it, my parents being livid. Now every time my daughter spills (anything), I take a deep breath, smile, & we both say “Accidents Happen!” then clean it up together.
i’m so ocd (albeit, way less than pre-baby) so i’m definitely a spill preventer. got the gate up on the kitchen, guard the bathroom from the little guy and stay close by when the crayons, markers and paints are out. but i always remember being yelled at for accidentally spilling some milk so i definitely keep my cool when accidents are made, or remind the boys that had they listened to me they wouldn’t have cause the mess. write on my couch on purpose though, and you’re in trouble! hahaha. my husband is more cool with messes and he’s helped me see the beauty in taking those risks. seeing my big guy take out a jug of juice and serve it himself without spilling a drop. priceless. and posts like these help remind me of those beautiful, risky moments. thank you.
About the time my son turned 2 (and my daughter was 2 months old), I found that I was becoming the mom I never wanted to be…the screamer. He was finding every way to push every last one of my buttons, and I yelled a lot. I was able to take a step back, and ask myself, “who the F cares? who cares if he makes a mess because he’s insisting on doing something himself? who cares if it takes 3 times as long to get ready in the morning because he’s digging through his drawer to find the shirt that he wants to wear?” The only thing that was happening was that I was getting more and more pissed, and for what? I have really become more of the let’s have fun with things and worry later. There are few messes that can’t be cleaned up!
My husband and I are both mess-preventers, which is something I’m trying to change. My husband has a more difficult time letting the messes happen, but I try to remind myself that it’s a learning experience and it can be cleaned up. We can’t have our kids in bibs with sippy cups forever, and it’s neat to see my son so proud of himself when he does something alone even if he’s a mess or the floor around him is. I bought some small cups and a pitcher to teach my son how to pour himself a drink on his own. He’s more interested in splashing in the mess, but we’ll get there. 😉
With my first daughter I was so focused on preventing messes: don’t play with the food, let’s clean your hands, be careful of this, don’t do that. Now, with the second one, I feel way more calm and “zen”… Or maybe I just have less time to worrying about everything! I’m still learning how to be a good mother (who says that children are the only one to learn?!) but I’ll keep in mind your story! Thanks!
Great story. Inside the house, I think I’m pretty balanced between the two (preventer vs. don’t care). I really couldn’t care less about what happens outside, though. I’m not a yeller over “spilled milk”. I do grunt and/or moan when messes are made or things are spilled and my daughter has picked up on that and does the same when she’s frustrated. But to be honest, I’d much RATHER prevent messes since there are 6 other messy living things in this house that I alone have to clean up after (clutter husband, 2 year old kid, 2 filthy giant dogs, 2 hairy outdoor cats). One less mess keeps the booze out of my hand at the end of the day, know what I’m sayin’? -Misty
Surprisingly, when I am hanging out with the boys, I prefer to just let the messes happen and clean them up later. Trying to prevent them or cleaning them up as they happen seems very exhausting and downright inefficient. Ha. If I had my own kids, I think the consistent messiness would bother me, but I’m not sure I’d do anything about it. Chris would. 😉
I’m totally a mess-embracer! Also, it helps to have to dog who eats everything 😀
Embrace the mess. Although I’ve yet to apply that to art. Crayons and paint scare me a little. Food I’m good with. Maybe once it warms up here we can venture outside and make some toddler art. My husband on the other hand, if dinner gets too messy and he’s in charge, he strips down to his boxers and carries her to the bathtub to avoid getting messy. It’s pretty hilarious.
I learned a long time ago to embrace it….or me and my kids are just miserable all the time. Sure, I’d like my house to be clean and organized but I’d way rather have my kids making messes that help to develop their little creative minds! I’m not saying I always just see a lesson in every mess…sometimes the messes just piss me off..but I try REALLY hard to just let it go…and let me kids explore the world around them. As i am typing this i am looking at my floor that is covered in paper scraps and cookie crumbs…oh well I guess!
this was so lovely to read, i always embrace the mess. i’d rather relax and let it be cleaned up later in one go than lose my head preventing an inevitable mess. great moral story 🙂
Most of the time I freak out about my house because it’s a toddler tornado. So bad I can’t have people over. Doesn’t help that I’m the only one trying to clean up constantly. I try to embrace the mess, but it’s a lot of years of un-training involved with that. So I struggle with it, daily. Ha.