A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
I think a lot about my children’s educational future. I realize this can be a delicate subject as we all have our own opinions on education and ways to raise our children.
The other day I was chatting with a friend who mentioned that her friend just pulled her children out of a highly rated public school and placed them in private school instead. She was upset because, apparently, “masturbation” was listed under some sort of description of the curriculum. Hashtag: why third hand information is dangerous. She has four kids, so you have to multiply the cost of private school by four. Here in Southern California, that means anywhere from $6K to $25K per kid, per year. The alternative costs nothing. Nothing.
I went to a public elementary and junior high. This may mean something different, depending on where you live. At the time, they were good schools. Sure, I remember the playground being vandalized with graffiti every now and again and the occasional playground fights that would send everyone running over to watch until someone of authority came to break it up. I don’t recall any problems with any of my teachers, nor do I recall either of my parents hovering over me. I know it was like pulling teeth to get me to sit down and do my homework and I do remember battles in this respect. I also remember my mom declining my english teacher’s suggestion to place me in an accelerated english class. My mom’s response sums up how I remember both of my parents attitude toward education; she declined saying this: “I don’t want the extra work”.
That may sound like a lazy response from a mother that doesn’t care about her child’s education, but it’s quite the contrary and, I think, one of the more important lessons I’ll take forward with me in guiding my children through school.
The lesson is this: Ultimately, success depends on the individual, not the institution. I see it as my job to set my children up to be successful, but I also know there is a delicate line between trusting them to get there on their own and pressuring them so much that, rather than them walking the path on their own, you’re dragging them by the seat of their pants. I hand it to my mom for acknowledging that I didn’t have the interest in school at the time. She knew advancing me in school would mean greater homework battles and she chose not to push it.
My sister, on the other hand, was very self-driven academically. She was that girl who graduated high school with a 4.7 GPA and had those like me scratching our heads and pondering, “I thought 4.0 was the highest?”. When she didn’t do well on a test, it was her sobbing and my parents trying to talk some rational sense into her.
I went to a private high school and the environment was drastically different than it was in public school. I was surrounded by kids who all came from affluent and successful families. My friends from junior high all went to the local public high school. And you know what? We all went to college and we all have careers of our own. So, in the end, public school versus private school didn’t really make a big difference.
And the same can be said about college, as well. I graduated from San Francisco State University and later went to a small college in LA for an additional degree in Nursing and I work along other nurses who graduated from Yale and others from Pierce (a community college) and we all make the same amount of money.
Point being, if you’re kid is driven, they will succeed no matter where they are planted. I hope I don’t lose site of that reality because I’ve seen the crazy-brand-name-school-driven parents and I don’t want that for myself or my children.
I got a good laugh over the holidays in watching how Hooper constructed his gingerbread house, on his own. It made me giggle to look around at all the other gingerbread houses the other preschoolers created with their parent’s help. I’m not against helping my child and I certainly have no ill judgement toward those that walked home with beautiful gingerbread homes, but I truly did appreciate Hooper’s independent effort and the truth is we ate it all before we got home anyway. The comparison will give you a good chuckle. Guess which one is Hoopers:
I guess the bigger questions are how to motivate your child, when to push and when to pull back, and choosing which battles are worth fighting. I’m obviously still figuring it all out.
How do you feel your education impacted your life path? Do you hold any resentment toward your parents for pushing you in one direction or another?
13 Responses
Oh, man…such an important topic that honestly, I’ve hardly done any research in for my almost 3 year old. I guess I just figure I’ve got so much time but the reality may be that I don’t…always hearing there are waiting lists and everyone you talk to has such an opinion on every school out there, especially the one their kid is attending. I really should at least get my feet wet in this area. My daughter is going to a preschool down the street, 3 days a week for only 3 hours each day. We honestly picked it because it’s blocks away and because we have close friends who’s 3 year old daughter attends. That’s it. Of course we checked it out first, but it was “good enough” for a 2 year old’s “education”…which is more geared towards emotional and developmental growth rather than academic. Past preschool, my husband and I haven’t even really decided on public over private. I think public, because I doubt we’ll be able to afford private. But I also have a lot of experience working/teaching at a private elementary school (10+ years) and I feel very well equipped to guide, teach, “push” my daughter when necessary…in addition to her public school learning. I also know of what goes on behind the scenes at a private school and it can be scary (at least at the one I worked at). In theory, all kids that attend are supposed to be “accelerated learners.” Each kid goes through an evaluation with their future teacher to determine whether or not they are “ready” for their high paced academic structure. However, money talks and the director is a money hungry, awful woman and so they were constantly accepting “troubled” children who were NOT ready for the kind of environment that this school is known for. They did NOT want to sit and work all day (with few interruptions for snack, lunch, PE, art, singing, etc.) and were huge distractions which not only rubbed off negatively on the other kids but took pretty much all of the attention of the classroom aides and teacher! So…the other kids parents who were paying big bucks were getting ripped off because the attention that they were paying for from the educators were being taken from kids that shouldn’t have been there. They also knowingly accepted kids that had ADHD, autism and other “issues”…which this school is not trained to handle properly. But like I said, money talks. I also know of all of the lies that were fed to parents about teacher/student ratio and during tours when prospective parents would walk the grounds and enter classrooms, the director would purposely stuff extra aides into the rooms, temporarily, to make them appear more hands-on. During grading periods, the director would actually change grades (make them better) even when the head teacher discouraged this due to such poor behavior and progress in the classroom….director did this to not upset certain parents and to make it appear as though their doing great and getting their money’s worth! Also, as a parent you could never just “show up” to sit in on a classroom or observe what goes on…without a scheduled appointment. Because, you guessed it, the director had to set up the room “just right” and even head teach in there so the parent would see a much better picture than what really went on. Now for some kids, this highly academic environment did wonders for them and they were “super kids” and were way beyond their academic level, but I think as a parent, you know whether or not your child is ready or right for this and if they are, then pushing them a little further and challenging them in this way is probably a good thing, to avoid boredom. But like you said, everyone kind of ends up in the same boat eventually. I think if I do decide to go the private route, I would save my money for when it counts a little more…to when my kids are in junior high or higher. Maybe. Sorry for the novel here. Thanks for discussing this topic 🙂 -Misty
Love this post. I really think it’s about the kid, like you said. I was self-driven and would have done well in any environment. For me, going to private school for high school was good just because I was having so many social problems in public schools. I was teased a lot because I was white, skinny, and smart (a really horrible combo in L.A., apparently). Also, there were drug deals going on at my middle school… so, yeah. I started college at Notre Dame, as you know, but left and went to community college for 1.5 years. I was so embarrassed about that and ashamed. Looking back, the classes there were awesome. I went on to a UC school and I’m successful today. It really is about what you put into it. As long as a school is safe, public is just fine. I’ve already said that if I have kids, I will encourage community college. It saves money. And, if my kid isn’t ready to go off to school (as was the case with me), community college can be better mentally too.
You speak so many truths here! As someone who wants to have kids in the next year or so, it’s so comforting and refreshing to hear your perspective. Parenting really shouldn’t be a sport.
So I’ve spent the last eight years teaching at a public high school, all the while home schooling my own kids. I realize that you’re mostly addressing the public vs. private decision though, and I don’t have any experience with private school. However, my main thought is that you make a good point that a kid who is motivated can learn anywhere, but what about a kid who isn’t? That’s when I think alternative options can be important. I don’t think any of the educational options are a magic bullet, but I think some ideas and concepts work far better for certain kids. I’ve seen a whole lot of really smart kids come through public school feeling miserable and really angry at the system. I can’t help but feel that there should be more options for them.
More power to you. I know I don’t have the ability to home school in me and there are things I do like about my boys attending school outside of the home. But I agree that it’s an awesome option and a great fit for some. I have yet to really enter the school system, but I’ve heard stories and I could see how some get angry and driven away from it. Thanks for sharing.
I attended private Catholic school in my elementary years and then went to a public school for high school in the honors program. My parents never helped me with homework, never assisted with one single school project, never had to remind me to study or do my work. My brother was a completely different kid and, even though we attended the same school, a completely different story. Because kids are different. Our oldest child is in 5th grade at a private school and she is a tough one. Smart as a whip but totally uninterested in anything but sports. Our middle child, however, can recite facts about each and every planet of the solar system at 4 years old. Totally different kid. It’s a very, very difficult thing to balance: pushing your kid to reach their potential but also allowing them to find their own way. We’re still figuring it out and I’m sure we never will, really. I think you have to focus on finding the right school environment for your child, the place where they will be nurtured and encouraged, whether it’s public or private or fancy or basic education. Being a school brand name snob means nothing if you have a kid that simply doesn’t give a shit: been there done that with my own, watched my mom go through it with my brother. At a certain point, as parents, we have to accept our children for who they are and focus on bringing out their best selves. And to think, when we first become mothers we think the newborn phase is so challenging:)
Kids ARE different. I was uninterested for a long time, so I can totally relate to your daughter. Once the reality hit me that I would one day be on my own and have to support myself, I became a little more interested 😉 And yes, we’re always figuring it out…
This is a topic I find myself thinking of every other day or so. My oldest is 3 1/2 and right now all we have him in is a Waldorf parent/child class that we attend together once a week.
Growing up our grades were most important. Once in high school I don’t remember learning a single thing for the 4 years. I was bored and only applied myself towards taking college classes while in high school. I started taking college classes in photography but soon found that wasn’t my thing so I dropped out. I ditched high school a lot. I was not interested in sitting in classes for hours at a time having to remember information that I would brain dump once the test was done.
I went onto college because it was something I was always told that I *had* to do. I went to the Art Institutes and graduated with a degree in graphic design. That was almost 5 yrs ago I graduated with my degree and I am just now putting it to use for myself and not for others.
When it comes to my child I want to stay away from public school. I also am not confident in homeschooling. So I am sort of stuck, but it is something I take pretty seriously. I don’t like the idea of everyone being praised to be individuals and yet everyone has compete in the same tests.
I attended an arts magnet from 5th -10th, then went to an arts boarding school from 11th-college graduation. Those five years in the magnet at home I begged my mom for home school. School was awful for me, and not because of homework battles, but because I felt like I could learn the material that we were spending weeks on in 2 hours of focused attention, leaving huge days open to do things I really wanted to be doing. School was a massive waste of valuable time in my eyes. I agree with you that its the drive of the individual, not the institution, but that also means knowing when to accelerate those “overachievers” to keep them challenged or even just to expedite the process so they can move on with their lives. All that being said – I have NO IDEA what I’m going to do when Lane gets to school age. I need him out of the house….:-)
This is a really great post and something I have certainly thought a bit about. We live in a suburb of Buffalo with the highest rated school district in Western NY, not only of public school but private too. Every year WNY puts out a rated list of high schools, middle schools, and elementary schools and they include them all. Our district is number 1. The individual school that my son attends now is rated 9th of almost 300 elementary schools.
I agree with you though. It really is what you give your child and what your child chooses to make of school and their education. Also, just because a school is rated very well doesn’t necessarily mean that it doesn’t have problems. Overall it means that school is producing great test results. However, sometimes the highest rated schools also have the highest drug problems too.
I think you really want to try to find a school that your kids feel comfortable in. There’s always going be excellent teachers and teachers that are kind of stale and just skating by, but hopefully overall they are guiding your children in the right direction and helping them develop their strong suits.
NY state has switched to the Common Core curriculum. Many of the teachers here are hating it, because it limits the way they can teach and some students struggle with it. It’s aimed to keep all kids in NYS on the same program and hold them all to the same standards. For instance my son in 2nd grade (in the elementary school rated 9th in the state) is learning the exact same math lesson my mother, who teaches 2nd grade in the inner city of Buffalo, is teaching her students today. I’m guessing the kids in my son’s class will test much better on it simply because they come home to parents who reinforce what they’ve learned and guide them with their homework. Yet many of the children who my mom teaches will go home to completely fend for themselves.
I think a lot about my children’s educational future. I realize this can be a delicate subject as we all have our own opinions on education and ways to raise our children. 
Oh, man…such an important topic that honestly, I’ve hardly done any research in for my almost 3 year old. I guess I just figure I’ve got so much time but the reality may be that I don’t…always hearing there are waiting lists and everyone you talk to has such an opinion on every school out there, especially the one their kid is attending. I really should at least get my feet wet in this area. My daughter is going to a preschool down the street, 3 days a week for only 3 hours each day. We honestly picked it because it’s blocks away and because we have close friends who’s 3 year old daughter attends. That’s it. Of course we checked it out first, but it was “good enough” for a 2 year old’s “education”…which is more geared towards emotional and developmental growth rather than academic. Past preschool, my husband and I haven’t even really decided on public over private. I think public, because I doubt we’ll be able to afford private. But I also have a lot of experience working/teaching at a private elementary school (10+ years) and I feel very well equipped to guide, teach, “push” my daughter when necessary…in addition to her public school learning. I also know of what goes on behind the scenes at a private school and it can be scary (at least at the one I worked at). In theory, all kids that attend are supposed to be “accelerated learners.” Each kid goes through an evaluation with their future teacher to determine whether or not they are “ready” for their high paced academic structure. However, money talks and the director is a money hungry, awful woman and so they were constantly accepting “troubled” children who were NOT ready for the kind of environment that this school is known for. They did NOT want to sit and work all day (with few interruptions for snack, lunch, PE, art, singing, etc.) and were huge distractions which not only rubbed off negatively on the other kids but took pretty much all of the attention of the classroom aides and teacher! So…the other kids parents who were paying big bucks were getting ripped off because the attention that they were paying for from the educators were being taken from kids that shouldn’t have been there. They also knowingly accepted kids that had ADHD, autism and other “issues”…which this school is not trained to handle properly. But like I said, money talks. I also know of all of the lies that were fed to parents about teacher/student ratio and during tours when prospective parents would walk the grounds and enter classrooms, the director would purposely stuff extra aides into the rooms, temporarily, to make them appear more hands-on. During grading periods, the director would actually change grades (make them better) even when the head teacher discouraged this due to such poor behavior and progress in the classroom….director did this to not upset certain parents and to make it appear as though their doing great and getting their money’s worth! Also, as a parent you could never just “show up” to sit in on a classroom or observe what goes on…without a scheduled appointment. Because, you guessed it, the director had to set up the room “just right” and even head teach in there so the parent would see a much better picture than what really went on. Now for some kids, this highly academic environment did wonders for them and they were “super kids” and were way beyond their academic level, but I think as a parent, you know whether or not your child is ready or right for this and if they are, then pushing them a little further and challenging them in this way is probably a good thing, to avoid boredom. But like you said, everyone kind of ends up in the same boat eventually. I think if I do decide to go the private route, I would save my money for when it counts a little more…to when my kids are in junior high or higher. Maybe. Sorry for the novel here. Thanks for discussing this topic 🙂 -Misty
Great to have some insider knowledge… Thanks for sharing. xo
Love this post. I really think it’s about the kid, like you said. I was self-driven and would have done well in any environment. For me, going to private school for high school was good just because I was having so many social problems in public schools. I was teased a lot because I was white, skinny, and smart (a really horrible combo in L.A., apparently). Also, there were drug deals going on at my middle school… so, yeah. I started college at Notre Dame, as you know, but left and went to community college for 1.5 years. I was so embarrassed about that and ashamed. Looking back, the classes there were awesome. I went on to a UC school and I’m successful today. It really is about what you put into it. As long as a school is safe, public is just fine. I’ve already said that if I have kids, I will encourage community college. It saves money. And, if my kid isn’t ready to go off to school (as was the case with me), community college can be better mentally too.
You speak so many truths here! As someone who wants to have kids in the next year or so, it’s so comforting and refreshing to hear your perspective. Parenting really shouldn’t be a sport.
Circus & Bloom
♥♥♥
So I’ve spent the last eight years teaching at a public high school, all the while home schooling my own kids. I realize that you’re mostly addressing the public vs. private decision though, and I don’t have any experience with private school. However, my main thought is that you make a good point that a kid who is motivated can learn anywhere, but what about a kid who isn’t? That’s when I think alternative options can be important. I don’t think any of the educational options are a magic bullet, but I think some ideas and concepts work far better for certain kids. I’ve seen a whole lot of really smart kids come through public school feeling miserable and really angry at the system. I can’t help but feel that there should be more options for them.
More power to you. I know I don’t have the ability to home school in me and there are things I do like about my boys attending school outside of the home. But I agree that it’s an awesome option and a great fit for some. I have yet to really enter the school system, but I’ve heard stories and I could see how some get angry and driven away from it. Thanks for sharing.
Once again I find something we connect deeply on. I could have written this. I am in the thick of it. Totally agree with you. Hear hear.
Well whatta know?! xo
I attended private Catholic school in my elementary years and then went to a public school for high school in the honors program. My parents never helped me with homework, never assisted with one single school project, never had to remind me to study or do my work. My brother was a completely different kid and, even though we attended the same school, a completely different story. Because kids are different. Our oldest child is in 5th grade at a private school and she is a tough one. Smart as a whip but totally uninterested in anything but sports. Our middle child, however, can recite facts about each and every planet of the solar system at 4 years old. Totally different kid. It’s a very, very difficult thing to balance: pushing your kid to reach their potential but also allowing them to find their own way. We’re still figuring it out and I’m sure we never will, really. I think you have to focus on finding the right school environment for your child, the place where they will be nurtured and encouraged, whether it’s public or private or fancy or basic education. Being a school brand name snob means nothing if you have a kid that simply doesn’t give a shit: been there done that with my own, watched my mom go through it with my brother. At a certain point, as parents, we have to accept our children for who they are and focus on bringing out their best selves. And to think, when we first become mothers we think the newborn phase is so challenging:)
Kids ARE different. I was uninterested for a long time, so I can totally relate to your daughter. Once the reality hit me that I would one day be on my own and have to support myself, I became a little more interested 😉 And yes, we’re always figuring it out…
This is a topic I find myself thinking of every other day or so. My oldest is 3 1/2 and right now all we have him in is a Waldorf parent/child class that we attend together once a week.
Growing up our grades were most important. Once in high school I don’t remember learning a single thing for the 4 years. I was bored and only applied myself towards taking college classes while in high school. I started taking college classes in photography but soon found that wasn’t my thing so I dropped out. I ditched high school a lot. I was not interested in sitting in classes for hours at a time having to remember information that I would brain dump once the test was done.
I went onto college because it was something I was always told that I *had* to do. I went to the Art Institutes and graduated with a degree in graphic design. That was almost 5 yrs ago I graduated with my degree and I am just now putting it to use for myself and not for others.
When it comes to my child I want to stay away from public school. I also am not confident in homeschooling. So I am sort of stuck, but it is something I take pretty seriously. I don’t like the idea of everyone being praised to be individuals and yet everyone has compete in the same tests.
I attended an arts magnet from 5th -10th, then went to an arts boarding school from 11th-college graduation. Those five years in the magnet at home I begged my mom for home school. School was awful for me, and not because of homework battles, but because I felt like I could learn the material that we were spending weeks on in 2 hours of focused attention, leaving huge days open to do things I really wanted to be doing. School was a massive waste of valuable time in my eyes. I agree with you that its the drive of the individual, not the institution, but that also means knowing when to accelerate those “overachievers” to keep them challenged or even just to expedite the process so they can move on with their lives. All that being said – I have NO IDEA what I’m going to do when Lane gets to school age. I need him out of the house….:-)
This is a really great post and something I have certainly thought a bit about. We live in a suburb of Buffalo with the highest rated school district in Western NY, not only of public school but private too. Every year WNY puts out a rated list of high schools, middle schools, and elementary schools and they include them all. Our district is number 1. The individual school that my son attends now is rated 9th of almost 300 elementary schools.
I agree with you though. It really is what you give your child and what your child chooses to make of school and their education. Also, just because a school is rated very well doesn’t necessarily mean that it doesn’t have problems. Overall it means that school is producing great test results. However, sometimes the highest rated schools also have the highest drug problems too.
I think you really want to try to find a school that your kids feel comfortable in. There’s always going be excellent teachers and teachers that are kind of stale and just skating by, but hopefully overall they are guiding your children in the right direction and helping them develop their strong suits.
NY state has switched to the Common Core curriculum. Many of the teachers here are hating it, because it limits the way they can teach and some students struggle with it. It’s aimed to keep all kids in NYS on the same program and hold them all to the same standards. For instance my son in 2nd grade (in the elementary school rated 9th in the state) is learning the exact same math lesson my mother, who teaches 2nd grade in the inner city of Buffalo, is teaching her students today. I’m guessing the kids in my son’s class will test much better on it simply because they come home to parents who reinforce what they’ve learned and guide them with their homework. Yet many of the children who my mom teaches will go home to completely fend for themselves.