There’s been lots of time and space for introspection during this pregnancy and the implications of having a third have been weighing on me, and Willy, far more than say having a first or a second ever did.
I’ve admittedly been quite selfish with my feelings and desires during pregnancy and it hasn’t been until this third babe that I have realized such.
As much as motherhood has made me pro-female in so many ways, lately I’ve come to the realization that much of what we experience as birthing mothers firsthand is just as difficult for our partners to handle secondhand. I was always under the impression that us women, because we are the ones growing and carrying and birthing the baby, are the only ones allowed to be scared. I’ve realized that even if they aren’t the ones going through pregnancy or birth, they are still experiencing it in their own way and filtering emotions and anxieties and fears all the same.
This may all sound like nothing new to you, but this all was a recent revelation of mine; the idea that I’m not the only one that needs to be supported and cared for and heard during this pregnancy. This idea that the unknown, namely the birth of our third baby, is a shared fear; that the unknown can bring with it anxieties felt by both of us and that one persons fears are no more valid than the others.
Don’t get me wrong, I still think mothers (or simply women) are some of the strongest creatures around… but this pregnancy has taught me that my feelings toward this pregnancy are no more important than Willy’s simply because I’m the one carrying and birthing the baby. To watch the person you love most in this world birth a new being that is a part of you is no easy feat either; and frankly, sometimes I think it’s even harder to be a player on the sidelines. Sure, I fear all that is out of my control, but even more is out of Willy’s control.
What has your experience been like in supporting your partner through pregnancy and birth? Did you find that they too had fears and desires in terms of how they wanted things to play out and were those fears and desires in line with yours? Also, I’m 38 weeks… hard to believe this baby is coming so soon…
Images by Tish Carlson.
Well said Mama! My husband and I had a conversation about something similar when I asked him if he could watch our daughter while I was out of town for two days and he was hesitant. He was terrified and I had no idea how he still felt like he was finding his footing a year and a half later. It’s so humbling and comforting to have a partner to share those feelings with you and great to remember we need to receive, and offer, comfort.