I was at a dinner with friends recently and was shocked to hear another mom confess to being uncomfortable using the terms penis and vagina with their children. Now granted, I know I’m a little more liberal in my ways than some but it got me thinking about what I am comfortable with and what I’m not in speaking with my children about anything in life. In this case, body parts. And, more than that, sex.
I speak openly about having a vagina with my boys. I never speak of my period as an inconvenience but rather as something beautiful a woman experiences; when asked, I simply tell them that it means ‘mama doesn’t have a baby in her belly’. Because those are terms they understand.
Hooper asked me once if penis is a bad word. It’s amazing how young they are, but how much they pick up on. Referring to genitals by other names insinuates that they are dirty words. I heard that Scotland has a new movement that is teaching parents to refer to body parts by their actual names, to normalize penis and vagina. I mean it is only the genitals that are referred to by alternative names. It would be rather silly to refer to our mouths as slobber holes or our noses as snifferdoodles. No wonder why we are ashamed or embarrassed about it when we’re in our teens.
The other day I was watching one of their stupid shows. In it, the two characters were discussing where babies came from. The one character was leading the other through a factory, explaining that babies came from factories. When the other character appeared perplexed, the leader prompted him to share what his parents told him previously and, to do so, he whispered into the leaders ear a theory we, as the audience, could not hear. To-which-the-leader replied, “That’s disgusting”. So to sum it up, two characters are going through a factory. One is telling the other that babies come from factories. The other is confused because his parents have seemingly told him the truth. When he shares this theory with the other character, this truth is referred to as ‘disgusting’.
And it made me sad. Sad to think that a show would not only condone such a falsity — because I get it, we lie about Santa and the tooth fairy and loads of other things… but to call it disgusting? That part pissed me off.
I remember watching the Surfwise documentary and, if you’ve seen it too you might recall the mom talking about having sex right on the floor of their RV with children coming in and out. By no means am I there – though to each their own – but I do think that we ought to talk about our bodies and it’s parts by their proper names and not attach shame to either the act of sex or the body parts involved.
The other day I used the carseat buckles to explain male and female parts. So easy for them to understand the male fitting in the female. I also think it opens the door for them to be open and honest down the line when sex becomes a real thing.
Doing my part, one day at a time, to unwind societies impositions on them. The best way that I see fit, anyway (I know not everyone will agree with me and that’s okay).
Do you talk to your young children about their body, your body, and sex? Curious to hear what others are saying and your perspectives behind it.
We’ve always used actual names for body parts since our kids were born and try to be as open and honest as possible. Our kids are still young, so we haven’t had real sex talks yet. Our kids are satisfied by the basics that I grew them inside me, but they haven’t gotten to the point where they want to know HOW the baby got there. We’ve definitely had some of those awkward moments where the kids have walked in on us, but they don’t think it odd if mommy and daddy are hugging with no clothes on because both my husband and I sleep in our underwear only and don’t rush to cover our bodies when we’re nude. If anything my kids think it odd if I do sleep in pajamas. Haha!
I admit I have to overcome some of my own issues as when I was growing up sex/menstruation were all talked about in whispers and made to seem as though they were shameful things. I have a lot of undoing to do in my own thinking from how I was raised and I’m trying to raise my son and daughter to never be ashamed of their bodies.
Oh yes, in general, I think whispering about anything is no good. Awareness and open communication is everything. Thanks for sharing!
I was just talking about this with my sister. We both call body parts by their real names, but we have a few mom friends who don’t. It’s becoming more apparent as their kids get older that the kids feel shameful about their bodies. It makes me so sad to see, but I’m not sure how/if to approach our friends about it.
It’s a fun conversation to have, really. That’s been my experience. Because I think some people just automatically do what they were raised with without questioning it but then when questioned about it realize how absurd it is. That’s been my experience, anyway. Thanks for sharing!
We talk openly and honestly with our boys. And yes, we use actual names for body parts. I think it’s super important to be open and discuss sex, sexuality and body parts without stigmas. It implies that they are shameful things and shameful acts when you don’t. I have one gf who’s always referred to vaginas and penises both as “pee pees” to her daughters. I think she’s really doing a huge disservice to them. If I had girls, I think I’d be even more vigilant and open about starting discussions about sex and body parts. I’ve read numerous articles on it too. This one in particular I really appreciated: https://jezebel.com/omfg-teach-your-kids-accurate-names-for-body-parts-alre-1637781018