I have a clear memory of being in elementary school and daydreaming about creating a robot that could do my homework for me. I distinctly remember being overcome with joy; a solution to all that time spent doing homework. Though I should say complaining about homework, because I probably spent more time vocalizing my distain for it than I actually did doing it (sorry, Mom). Almost just as fast as the idea came to me, so did the realization that the robot could only be as smart as me; that if I were the one building it and programing it, it could not perform beyond my own abilities. So I let the idea go and sharpened my pencil and got to work.
I was reminded of this memory the other day when I was taking a class about anti-racism by Layla Saad. In it, she drove home that fact that we cannot expect our kids to learn things we have not sought out and learned ourselves.
It’s such a simple notion but it’s replayed over and over in my head as of late.
Want your kids to be honest adults? Be an honest adult.
Want your kids to have good coping mechanisms? Model good coping mechanisms.
Want your kids to eat healthy? Eat healthy.
Want your kids to be kind? Be kind.
Want your kids to be accepting? Be accepting.
The life we live is their blueprint. It’s so hard to chose a way that we don’t know or haven’t seen. Choose right, so they can choose right. Never rely on your words carrying them, it has to be action. In the words of James Baldwin, “I can’t believe what you say, because I see what you do”.
The same goes for relationships. I can, once again, distinctly remember the same notion coming to me like an epiphany; you have to be the person you want to be with. Meaning, you can’t ask that the person you’re courting have all their shit together if you don’t have your shit together. Nor can you expect them to be a, b, c, or d if you yourself are not a, b, c, or d. Want to be with someone rad? Be someone rad.
Filed under: simple concepts that still require routine reminders.
So true!