July 2019 | I heard this speech by Oprah today where she insisted falling is not failure. She said, “Things will show up and it will look like failure but it really is just life trying to move you in a different direction”.

I recently had a talk with a friend’s daughter about her relationship with her dad and she confided in me that she didn’t really like her dad and wasn’t pained by not having him in her life. As soon as the words “I’m sorry” left my mouth, I regretted them. Mostly because I’ve heard the same words so much as of late; people, with good intentions, throwing their pity at my divorce when I’m in no way pitying myself.

I can remember when I ended a relationship in my early 20’s and I filled a page in my journal with the repetitious words “thank you” and “fuck you”; a symbol of my constant flip flop of emotions. Fuck you for hurting me but thank you for the cleared path. They really can mean the same thing, depending on your perspective.

I quickly retracted my words and she looked at me with some confusion as I said, “you know, I’m not really sorry for you though. I’m happy for you. It sounds like he’s not worthy of being in your life and no one should have anyone in their life that is not worthy of their love. So congratulations”. I’d never seen her face so light, so free. With her eyes fiercely confident, she gave me a hard nod and said, “thank you”.

Not always fuck you, sometimes thank you.

Note to self: find perspective and then take the next indicated step.