On Tuesday night, I stood behind you at a concert. The young woman standing next to me wore two braids in the style of Willie Nelson and invited you to get a better view of the stage by moving in front of her. You looked her in the eye and told her with sweet sincerity that you were able to see from where you were. When the beat got going and you could feel the bass rattle the cells in your body, you turned around and whispered in my ear how good it felt. Puffs of smoke occasionally filled the air in front of us while lights danced through the smoke screen. We left before the show ended, your legs not yet ready to carry you through the hours past your usual school-night bedtime. We talked about school and relationships and work and life. You thanked me for bringing you to the show, I thanked you for joining me, and before bed you wrapped your arms around me — like you do every night — and gave me the kind of hug that allowed me to feel completely engulfed and held.

I spent years holding you; to now feel held by you feels like a metamorphosis of sorts.

People who know you know that you love from the soul. You are a natural connector and nurturer. There’s times I can see my own people pleasing tendencies alive in you and so I gently remind you that you matter — that your feelings, your thoughts, and your desires are important and allowed. I remind you to always come back to yourself.

I often worry about the weight that seems to inherently fall on you as the oldest in a single parent household but when I hear you say “I gotchu” in response to me asking for help, I’m reminded that it’s also an opportunity for you to step into a role not every kid gets to step into. I feel your pride and your strength, your patience and your tenderness. You’re a beautiful soul and I’m grateful to be your mama.

Welcome to the teenage years, where apparently we are supposed to butt heads and, while I’m sure we will, I’m also sure that we’ll always return to each other. Like we always have.

Happy Birthday, mi amor. You’re so special.