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December 2024

The Stork and the Beanstalk

A Mother's Journal

A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well
as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.

Category: Bits + Pieces

Longing to be settled

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Life

Long before we actually moved we started preparing. The story of how we transitioned from one sleeping arrangement to another is enough to either make your head spin or make you believe we’re a family of goldilocks’, or both. We listed our bedroom set on craigslist and when we sold that we moved Van’s full size mattress into our room and moved Van to the bottom bunk in Hooper’s room. The full mattress was too small for the both of us, so Willy slept on the sofa. Then we sold the sofa so we added a blow up mattress in our bedroom for Willy to sleep on. And then the bunk beds sold, leaving Hooper bed-less and Van in a pack-n-play. So I made a rash decision and went to a chinsy little place in the more ghetto area of the Valley and bought them each a twin bed that came with a twin mattress and they slept on the mattress, on the floor.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s been a while since we’ve felt settled. And truthfully, it will be a while before we are settled again. We ordered a sofa online that is on backorder and have plans on building our own kitchen table even though I know we don’t have time to do so anytime soon, at least. We have a trip planned at the end of this month and another one just two days after we get back. Fun stuff and much to look forward to, but no real help in our quest to be settled. But, ya know, I hear settling in with a base tan is much easier anyway.

I digress.

I long for days like this day; no cares in the world, jumping on blow-up beds together as a family. Soon enough, I suppose.

And also, I miss Sarah. These photos were taken the day before we moved, the day before Sarah left us and it pains my heart to know that this is, I believe, the last picture I have of her -and us- together. Insert lump-in-throat-here.

The longest way home

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Life

Oh the joys of moving. From hotels, to staying with family in Arizona, to separating from Willy (he was in Orange County staying with my sister and her fiancé so he

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could work on the new place while the boys and I were back in the Valley staying with my parents), to a move-in weekend that happened to land on the weekend I was in Ojai for my sister’s bachelorette party, to one night (one night, people!) in our new digs, and now, back in Arizona while some foundation issues and flooring and all that other miss-mosh gets handled at the new place. Life just doesn’t slow, does it? Moving is the pits.

It’s the long way home, indeed.

Moving

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Family

Oh it all started with smiles, it did. Doesn’t it always? Smiles spread from ear to ear created by thoughts of a welcomed change and a promise, to ourselves, of new beginnings.

It’s been rough since my surgery. To this day, my recovery impacts all of us on a daily basis. The thought of starting anew brought with it the same aura that accompanies the start of Spring; an awakening, new birth, calm skies. And we needed that, I think.

They say beginnings are messy but this beginning started like a new season, seamless in it’s transition and without break in routine. We laughed, giggling about how easy it was all happening. After all, it was the first home we looked at and we knew instantly that it was the right fit; the perfect space for our family. And as if one good stroke of luck gives way to another, the first day our home went on the market, an offer – we later accepted – came in.

Like I said, it was an easy beginning.

Slowly, we started preparing. I had our nanny help me clean out each of the closets and we made several trips to the Salvation Army and Goodwill. I listed most of our furniture on Instagram and Craigslist and one by one, as things started leaving our home, the idea of moving became more real.

I’ll spare y’all the lets-not-hire-a-moving-company-because-we-don’t-have-that-much-to-move bologna coupled with losing Sarah on our very last day at the house and say this: hire a moving company. Just do it and don’t ask any questions.

Slowly beds disappeared and were replaced by blow-up mattresses, big boxes took the place of dressers, outdoor toys welcomed the new open space and quickly became indoor toys, and things got – well- messy.

By the time all was said and done, Willy walked over to our neighbor’s house and found her sitting in a chair we had left out in front of our house with a sign that read “free” in scribbled permanent marker; her cigarettes on a little side table that at one time housed our records but ultimately landed in the same pile as the free chair. He handed her $50 to clean up the left behind garbage, mostly wood from neglected projects we had started but not finished. She took the $50 with a grin that would even make the Grinch suspicious and concluded that she’d use the wood during their next camping trip. In the five years we lived there, I’ve never seen the RV leave the driveway.

And just like that, we said goodbye to our first home with a rejected full-sized mattress on the side of the curb visible in the rear view mirror and the scene of Sarah’s accident behind us.

Sometimes it’s the endings that are messy. Here’s to new beginnings…

Bits + Pieces

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Life

Carla and the boys // Janet and Carla // A visit to King Gillette Ranch // A snippet of our home, pre-move // The way Van runs with his arms out like a chicken // The neighborhood donk, on our neighborhood walk when Sarah was still with us (insert tears here) // Hooper will not stop licking around his lips and, thus, looks like Ronald McDonald // Scooter wars // Hoop takin’ a rest on Sarah’s bed is an image I treasure dearly now, more than ever // The boys playing at dusk // More of Janet and Carla // Watching the rain.

Wishing everyone a beautiful weekend.

Photo Field Trip

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Photography

I’ve written and erased this post about a hundred times and, for a bit, settled on letting the pictures speak for themselves in an effort to leave out any negativity. But, I always keep it real on here and I don’t want this experience to be excluded.

I had a great time, I did. I met some fantastically amazing people – some that I have met before, others that I felt like I knew because we’ve forged such a strong friendship already through instagram alone, and others that I met for the first time and loved.

Photo field trip was something that started as a small-ish gathering. I remember emailing the person in charge about my picky eating (I eat like a 5 year old, in case you didn’t already know) and she personally assured me that if I couldn’t find something I’d like that they would order me pizza. Not that I thought that would actually happen, but I liked the idea of it being small and personal. The event blew up, however, and not long after that email they opened up several other spots and what was once a not-so-big-event suddenly became a 300+ person event.

If you didn’t know anyone, ie. if you are not active in the instagram community, I imagine it carried the potential to be a lonely event. There was that same anxiety present as when you walk into the lunchroom at a new school and wonder where you are going to sit and who is going to talk to you.

I took several different classes; some were great and others were just okay. In the end, I walked away more stoked on the social aspect than the educational aspect.

I feel like this all has to be said because it has yet to be said. It’s not said to discount anyone else’s experience, as I too came home motivated and on “on a high”. I know others who did not, however, and that makes me sad.

In any event, I hope to return next year if for no other reason than to meet up with a handful of other photographers that I now call real-life friends. I also hope to return and put my nerves to the side and branch out and meet more people and perhaps make some of those that are less familiar with the community feel a little more welcome.

My Baby

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Family, Life, Motherhood, Van

It was Valentine’s Day, a day we typically don’t celebrate. Not as a couple, anyway. We have lots of love for one another and our love is rooted deeper in a genuine friendship and we’ve both always considered it a bit silly to dedicate one day – and the same day as everyone else, no less – to express our gratitude for one another. So, when Willy came home with flowers and red vines I looked at him perplexed and awkwardly apologized for not having anything tangible to give him in return.

Then I requested that we go for a drive. Get out. Enjoy what was a beautiful day. And so, we did.

We headed to the canyon, a short 5 minute drive from our home. Hooper fell asleep in the back seat and as we got out to watch the sun set behind the rocky hills, we decided to leave him be. I snapped a couple shots of Willy with Van before asking Willy to place Van in my arms.

It’s been over four months since I’ve held either of my boys. And, more times than not, I’ve found that my need to hold them coupled with my inability to do so has been an unwelcome lesson in patience; when they are not cooperating or when they’re throwing tantrums or when they decide that climbing off their beds is more fun than climbing into their beds or when they get hurt and look to me to comfort them and I can do nothing. When Willy placed Van in my arms, I expected squirming and a full-fledged protest of confinement. What I got was my youngest son, my baby, in my arms. All to myself. His head on my chest, even if for just a moment.

We got back in the car after the sun went down. Hooper was still asleep in the back sleep, dreaming dreams of french fries or firemen- I’m sure. And as we drove away, I told Willy that that moment and the photo that captured it was the best gift I could have received.

The flowers died and the licorice got eaten, but this right here, these images – these memories – will always live on.

Today, I’m feeling grateful for my family.

A Rainy Day at the Huntington Gardens

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces

The last time I met Sisilia and Melissa at the Huntington, I thought I was going to melt. Literally, I thought I would be like a big wad of discarded gum on the sidewalk. This go-around, it rained. Luckily, it didn’t pour; More like a light mist that made all the colors pop and made it feel as though you were walking through some sort of mystical wonderland. Nothing like the storm that’s predicted to hit this weekend…

The Getty

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces

I’m in the midst of tackling that list of “things I want to do when I’m feeling better”. Taking the boys to the Getty? Boom. Scratched off. The boys loved it. Hooper’s favorite part being the ride to and fro on the tram, I think.

What’s on your “lets do soon” list? Happy Friday!

A Celebration

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces

And just like that Willy turned another year older, another year wiser, another year handsome-er. We celebrated way back when, on Superbowl Sunday alongside my soon-to-be bro-in-law who also turned another year older, wiser, and handsome-er. The guys drank whiskey, Hooper continued pretending he is a firemen, Van pulled whosever finger he could grab to drag them to and fro, and us ladies talked about my sister’s upcoming wedding.

Into the wild

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces

There was a stretch of time just the other week that I started to feel better and decided to push my body as hard as it would let me. We took day trips here and there and started to venture into the great wide open. Today, my back is cursing me. And so it goes, two steps forward, one step back. There is nothing quite like recovery; you certainly learn to listen to your body because you really don’t have any other choice.

In any event, it felt good to get out and watch the boys be as they are intended to be – – wild and free. If only my back had eyes so it could know what it is missing out on…

To Nina's house they go.

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Motherhood, Parenting

Isn’t it the case that as soon as you drop your children anywhere, whether it be preschool or a friend’s house, you miss them. I’m continuously dumbfounded by the someone-please-help-me-and-take-my-children-for-a-few-hours and the I-can’t-wait-to-see-my-children-because-I’ve-missed-them-so-much way of motherhood.

Twice a week, the boys go to my parent’s house during the day. I spend all day the day before looking forward to it only to be longing to pick them up when the next day finally arrives. But, I know it’s good; it’s good for me, good for them, and – I hope – enjoyable (maybe sometimes?) for my parents.

I came to pick them up a little early the other day and decided to snap a few photos; little mementos of their days spent at their Nina’s and Gee-paw’s.

Riding on bikes with boys

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Hooper, Motherhood

Have you ever rode a bike with a toddler? I remember my mom declaring that her back was never the same after teaching us to ride our bikes. We’re not there yet with Hoop; we’re still in the training wheel phase. But, in some ways, it’s equally torturous.

“What’s that, Mama?”

He stops riding and I practically walk in to his back tire cuz I’m riding his ass.

“Sounds like some sirens off in the distance”.

“I want to see”, he says.

“Sounds like they’re gone”, and we re-mount and ride along. I ride his ass because he’s going slow.

“Wook-at-dat, Mama!”

We stop to pick some dandelions. He sniffs them and there is yellow pollen that makes a Hitler-like mustache under his nose.

Re-mount. Ride his tail.

A few yards later, we stop again. This time, we pick up sticks. Then some acorns. I answer ten more questions about the various sounds he hears.

It’s so easy to get stuck in A to B mode. When he asks to go on a bike ride, which he does daily these days, I think about leaving the house, the route we’ll take, and how that route will lead us back to the house. His mind, in it’s beautiful infancy, works much different; it’s all about the space between… The sights, the sounds,

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the things he can collect. Hashtag: things you can learn from a toddler.

Slow down, Mamas, and enjoy the ride. I don’t walk so close behind him anymore.

My Everyday

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Hooper, Life

Ten shots taken

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within ten minutes.

On The Mend

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Life

I have a running list of things I want to do when I’m feeling better… you know, when my limitations don’t feel so limiting and when my endurance allows me to get through a day without having to rest. The list includes things like day adventures, restaurants I want to try, and places I want to take the boys. Also on that list is the Rose Bowl flea market. We used to go to the Rose Bowl every other month or so and it was not but a few weeks ago that returning and fighting the crowds and having the endurance to make it through the maze of aisles sounded unbearable. But something has happened within the last week or so and I, quick-knock-on-wood, feel closer to normal than I have thus far in my recovery.

I had my three month post-op check-up with surgeon and have since weaned myself off my brace almost entirely. When I do start lifting the kids, I’ll need to wear it, but I’m not allowed to do that just yet so my back brace sits discarded on a chair in the office. It used to sit right by the side of my bed, right next to my slippers. Before, when I didn’t wear it, I’d have this sick and uneasy feeling in my stomach. But since weaning off of it, that feeling has disappeared. I’ve been off all my pain meds for a few weeks now and am finally allowed to take Advil, which I think would have been beneficial long ago (because the fusion works through an inflammatory process, I wasn’t able to take any anti-inflammatory medication). It was nice when my surgeon asked me if I needed a prescription for anything and I answered, “no”. I considered writing an entire post on my experience with pain medication but decided I’ll leave it at this: feeling normal is way underrated.

In any event, we made it to the Rose Bowl and I left questioning if that means I’m actually on the mend. I mean I didn’t anticipate crossing anything off that list I had made for some time. We didn’t stay as long as we normally would and we did take advantage of handicapped parking and we got only what we came for but, ya know, baby steps. On the way home, I was still feeling good so we stopped at what has become our favorite pizza joint in LA. It was our third day eating pizza for lunch in a row (we brought pizza home after our first visit). I had the pesto pizza with the ricotta cheese and it was as good as the first time. If you’re in the LA area, do yourself a favor and check out Vito’s Pizza.

Feels so good to be feelin’ good again, let me tell ya.

Support Local: Sperling Nursery

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Support Local

We love picking out plants. If you kept track of the plants in our home, you’d probably argue that we like picking them out more than we like keeping them alive; and you’re probably right. We typically opt for the succulents because, well, they’re harder to kill.

Sperling nursery, in Calabasas, is our favorite. They always have a large variety of high quality plants. Their prices are a little steep, but the quality is always great.

And they always have fresh popped popcorn. So, I mean, come on. Hands down, right? Nevermind those grubby little dirty hands I have to share it with…

Winter in California

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces

…Sure looks a lot like Fall… and tastes rather salty.

A Day With my Husband

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Life, Meet Your Parents

It’s funny how life works sometimes. The day before I passed out cold and Willy saved me from falling head first into the bathroom wall, we had a rare and wonderful date. In hindsight, it matched in beauty to what the evening matched in misery.

We started the day at The Penthouse in Santa Monica. I had the Belgium waffle with fresh squeezed orange juice and it was delightful. We drove around Santa Monica a bit before heading over to Venice, where we sat and people watched. Then we stopped at The Daily Pint known for all the rare whiskeys they carry. Willy got a glass that came out to roughly $6 per sip (I made him count). It’s not something he splurges on often, so it was nice to watch him enjoy it. And enjoy it, he did. We drove along the PCH on the way home and watched as the sun set. It was beautiful.

Then I came home, didn’t feel like eating dinner and spent the rest of the night on the toilet with a bucket on my lap. It all ended with an ambulance ride to the hospital and an overnight stay where I received a total of seven liters of IV fluids.

The ebbs and flow of life…

Bits + Pieces

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces

Hoop got a haircut. He needs one every month or so it seems. Our friend Angela always does a great job // Willy convincing Hooper to eat his damn food. It’s still a struggle, at times // An orchid from my Aunt and Uncle that somehow we’ve managed to keep alive // A bruise on Van’s face. It happens // Walks with broom and dust pan in hand. We have clean sidewalks // In and out, in and out, all day long // Van got a haircut. We shave his head because his hair is much thicker // I’m trying to get Van to sit in the big boy chair so I don’t have to worry about lifting him in and out of the high chair. Currently, he squats. Hashtag: it’s a start // Hooper discovered we keep the candy in the bathroom cupboard for when he goes poop // Van playing a game of “mailman” by the front door // A cartoon in the late afternoon // A visit from the in-laws before Christmas. That’s Willy’s dad in the “Kum & Go” shirt. We went to Bob’s Big Boy where the guys tried with all their might to strain their necks and watch the game. Can you tell they’re related? // Raisins are Hooper’s jam // Ever since we got bunk beds, Hooper loves playing in his room // Both boys, not fighting but sitting together watching “What does the fox say?”. They are obsessed. So much so they can sit by one another without killing each other // TV comas happen.

In other news, votes are scheduled to reset over on Top Baby Blogs and – as always – I would love your support. Voting is easy; simply click on the banner below and then click on the owl on the left side of your screen. And, that’s it. It takes two seconds and it means a lot to me. You can vote once daily. Much love.

New Years

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Holiday

Memories have a way of washing over one another like the water washes over the sand; some remain at the surface while overs sink, buried by things heavier than them. As I close out 2013, it’s hard for me to remember how great our life was before October; before my surgery, before I had thirteen levels of my spine fused. I have photos and written tales written by a girl that was much freer than the girl I am today; she wrote funny tales of motherhood, I write about perspective because clinging to a positive one feels like all I can do some days.

I’m nearly three months post-op and it’s bittersweet.

Before my surgery, the three-month-mark was thrown out there as the potential time I could return to work and, thus, the time I presumed my life would be more or less ordinary. There was a time, when I was pregnant, that a confused patient hit me over the head from behind with the phone in the room. I think about that experience, coupled with the fact I’m still physically and restrictively unable to lift my children, and I now know that expecting to return to normalcy at three months was a lofty I’m-gonna-tell-you-what-you-want-to-hear-because-you-need-this-surgery tale from my surgeon.

And so, while I feel better than I have thus far, I feel far from normal. My life is not normal. Some days my every thought is consumed by pain. Other days I feel better and my thoughts are consumed with a fear of overdoing it and returning back to the state of pain I just spent 5 days in bed recovering from.

I don’t have New Year’s resolutions this year. I’m not resolving to do anything, per say. Rather, I want to be happy. If that means nurturing my body more than I’ve needed to in years past, then so be it. If it means a change of perspective because my attitude is down in the gutter, then so be it. If it means keeping a running list of things I want to do with my family but I can’t because of my limitations, then I’ll do that too. I’m resolving to stay hopeful because I know normalcy is just around the corner and I’m using all the fuel left in my tank to get there.

I’ve been listening to music again and it’s been getting into my bloodstream and feeding my soul in a way it used to when I hurt – in other ways – in the past. When I was a nursing student, I had the privilege of caring for a man named Delaney Bramlett; a singer, songwriter, musician, and producer. He died during the same hospital stay and he was magical. Two of my favorites of his are this one and this one. I hope it does for you, what it does for me.

And I hope all of you can stay happy and healthy in the New Year because beyond those two things – I’ve learned – you really don’t need anything else.

Photos taken on New Years Eve, spent on the beach with family. And thank you to all who left us comments wishing us well. I am finally feeling better… just in time to take care of Hooper who couldn’t make it in the door from preschool yesterday without laying down on our walkway and throwing up. Come on 2014, what else ya got?!

Rewind, 2013

by Ashley filed under Bits + Pieces, Holiday

JANUARY

We celebrated 60 years of love and dedication between Willy’s grandparents and started potty training Hoop, who was showing signs of being ready.

FEBRUARY

We dealt with what was in hindsight the worst of the terrible twos (it lasted a few months) and I opened up about how it took me longer to love and bond with Van.

MARCH

We made what we both decided was the best decision in our lives to date and hired house cleaners. They come every other week and it’s the best money spent ever. I also wrote about falling in love with Van.

APRIL

We made trips out to both Arizona and Palm Springs. It was the first, of what became many, trips to Palm Springs this year (most always for Willy’s work). We were happy when we got to tag along.

MAY

Potty training continued, with number two proving to be more difficult that number one. We also taught Hooper what a “ghost turd” is. I wrote about our struggles with Hooper’s eating and brought in an Occupational Therapist to help us. And we stayed at The Roosevelt Hotel during one of Willy’s work functions.

JUNE

Willy and I welcomed our first niece, Zoe. We spent more time in Palm Springs. And I wrote about being wild and free, one of my more meaningful posts – for me – to date.

JULY

The boys pretended that they like each other; it was brief. We celebrated both my birthday and Van’s birthday; it was his first. It was not my first.

AUGUST

Janet was in town and we hung out at the Huntington Library in Pasadena. I stopped breastfeeding and I wrote about the depression that followed. I also wrote about conquering the day and how hard it is – at times – to get two kids out of the house. If I only knew how difficult that would be after having back surgery…

SEPTEMBER

We drove down to visit my sister and her fiance, which also marks the day Hooper became obsessed with cats. He hasn’t stopped meowing or asking to be pet since then. We also met up with Sisilia Piring and her lovely family, marking the beginning of what has proven to be a beautiful friendship. And I finally got around to posting pics from Janet and I’s adventures to the Salton Sea, Salvation Mountain, and Joshua Tree.

OCTOBER

I had my surgery this month and spent two weeks in the hospital. Before hand, we made it to the pumpkin patch, spent time with family at the beach, and took another trip to the desert. I also joined the Childhood Unplugged movement.

NOVEMBER

I posted pics of the boys from Halloween, we celebrated Hooper’s 3rd birthday, and I shared a day in my life series over on Sarah Dyer’s beautiful blog.

DECEMBER

I finally got around to writing about my surgery and my recovery. I also posted pics from Janet’s November visit.

Wishing everyone the best for 2014. Thank you for all your continued support, I’m so grateful for this little space of mine.