New Years
Memories have a way of washing over one another like the water washes over the sand; some remain at the surface while overs sink, buried by things heavier than them. As I close out 2013, it’s hard for me to remember how great our life was before October; before my surgery, before I had thirteen levels of my spine fused. I have photos and written tales written by a girl that was much freer than the girl I am today; she wrote funny tales of motherhood, I write about perspective because clinging to a positive one feels like all I can do some days.
I’m nearly three months post-op and it’s bittersweet.
Before my surgery, the three-month-mark was thrown out there as the potential time I could return to work and, thus, the time I presumed my life would be more or less ordinary. There was a time, when I was pregnant, that a confused patient hit me over the head from behind with the phone in the room. I think about that experience, coupled with the fact I’m still physically and restrictively unable to lift my children, and I now know that expecting to return to normalcy at three months was a lofty I’m-gonna-tell-you-what-you-want-to-hear-because-you-need-this-surgery tale from my surgeon.
And so, while I feel better than I have thus far, I feel far from normal. My life is not normal. Some days my every thought is consumed by pain. Other days I feel better and my thoughts are consumed with a fear of overdoing it and returning back to the state of pain I just spent 5 days in bed recovering from.
I don’t have New Year’s resolutions this year. I’m not resolving to do anything, per say. Rather, I want to be happy. If that means nurturing my body more than I’ve needed to in years past, then so be it. If it means a change of perspective because my attitude is down in the gutter, then so be it. If it means keeping a running list of things I want to do with my family but I can’t because of my limitations, then I’ll do that too. I’m resolving to stay hopeful because I know normalcy is just around the corner and I’m using all the fuel left in my tank to get there.
I’ve been listening to music again and it’s been getting into my bloodstream and feeding my soul in a way it used to when I hurt – in other ways – in the past. When I was a nursing student, I had the privilege of caring for a man named Delaney Bramlett; a singer, songwriter, musician, and producer. He died during the same hospital stay and he was magical. Two of my favorites of his are this one and this one. I hope it does for you, what it does for me.
And I hope all of you can stay happy and healthy in the New Year because beyond those two things – I’ve learned – you really don’t need anything else.
Photos taken on New Years Eve, spent on the beach with family. And thank you to all who left us comments wishing us well. I am finally feeling better… just in time to take care of Hooper who couldn’t make it in the door from preschool yesterday without laying down on our walkway and throwing up. Come on 2014, what else ya got?!
Rewind, 2013
JANUARY
We celebrated 60 years of love and dedication between Willy’s grandparents and started potty training Hoop, who was showing signs of being ready. 
FEBRUARY
We dealt with what was in hindsight the worst of the terrible twos (it lasted a few months) and I opened up about how it took me longer to love and bond with Van. 
MARCH
We made what we both decided was the best decision in our lives to date and hired house cleaners. They come every other week and it’s the best money spent ever. I also wrote about falling in love with Van. 
APRIL
We made trips out to both Arizona and Palm Springs. It was the first, of what became many, trips to Palm Springs this year (most always for Willy’s work). We were happy when we got to tag along.
MAY
Potty training continued, with number two proving to be more difficult that number one. We also taught Hooper what a “ghost turd” is. I wrote about our struggles with Hooper’s eating and brought in an Occupational Therapist to help us. And we stayed at The Roosevelt Hotel during one of Willy’s work functions. 
JUNE
Willy and I welcomed our first niece, Zoe. We spent more time in Palm Springs. And I wrote about being wild and free, one of my more meaningful posts – for me – to date.
JULY
The boys pretended that they like each other; it was brief. We celebrated both my birthday and Van’s birthday; it was his first. It was not my first. 
AUGUST
Janet was in town and we hung out at the Huntington Library in Pasadena. I stopped breastfeeding and I wrote about the depression that followed. I also wrote about conquering the day and how hard it is – at times – to get two kids out of the house. If I only knew how difficult that would be after having back surgery…
SEPTEMBER
We drove down to visit my sister and her fiance, which also marks the day Hooper became obsessed with cats. He hasn’t stopped meowing or asking to be pet since then. We also met up with Sisilia Piring and her lovely family, marking the beginning of what has proven to be a beautiful friendship. And I finally got around to posting pics from Janet and I’s adventures to the Salton Sea, Salvation Mountain, and Joshua Tree. 
OCTOBER
I had my surgery this month and spent two weeks in the hospital. Before hand, we made it to the pumpkin patch, spent time with family at the beach, and took another trip to the desert. I also joined the Childhood Unplugged movement. 
NOVEMBER
I posted pics of the boys from Halloween, we celebrated Hooper’s 3rd birthday, and I shared a day in my life series over on Sarah Dyer’s beautiful blog. 
DECEMBER
I finally got around to writing about my surgery and my recovery. I also posted pics from Janet’s November visit.
Wishing everyone the best for 2014. Thank you for all your continued support, I’m so grateful for this little space of mine.
It was a Merry one, indeed.
This Christmas was more low-key than any thus far. We stayed close to home since I’m still recovering and quite limited. Every time I go out, I feel like I can practically see the gas in the tank running out.
But I’ll tell ya, nothing pushes your limits more than a best friend.
Janet and I met up a few days before Christmas to take the kids to see Santa at the local animal shelter (Sarah got
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to go too). Carla and Van weren’t having it and if you could see the amount of make-up Santa had on, you’d probably want off his lap too. The next night we grabbed a bite to eat and took the kids to the candy cane lane in Moorpark. And then, on Christmas Eve, we hosted a little brunch.
I have loads more pictures from Christmas day to upload, so I’ll share those next week. Happy Friday, y’all!
Christmas 2013
Van pretending to be Santa | Finally got around to making Christmas cookies this year, thanks to my lovely sister | We’ve had lots of Christmas art projects. They last about 10 seconds and are, um, not quite showroom ready | We went to visit Santa, twice. The first time we waited in line until my back could stand it no longer, so we never quite made it. When we did, Santa got a good laugh out of Hooper’s note. Both boys were stoked on their candy canes. I’m not a fan of not being able to take your own photos with Santa. That’s dumb. For $20… I mean… (We actually saw Santa a third time at the animal shelter but I have yet to upload those shots, so TBC…) | We’ve been playing a game we call “mailman”. Because of my recovery and a husband that is clueless about Christmas shopping, I’ve done everything online this year. Needless to say, a lot of packages have
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arrived. A little someone likes to open the door and accept the package over and over again. It’s a game that entails a lot of doorbell ringing.
Oh ya, and Hooper has been picking his nose. A lot.
Feeling grateful to be feeling a bit better just in time for this cherished time with family and friends. Merry Christmas Eve. Hope everyone has a Merry and bright one tomorrow.
Bits + Pieces
I told y’all I had some catching up to do… eating breakfast // eating shoelaces // public restrooms are scary // van & carla, a match made in heaven // new coffee table gift from janet // found a new spot to catch a great glimpse of the valley // tantrums // sarah // the outdoor bike that always makes it’s way inside // cozy coup // lining up cars // putting gas in the cozy coup // brothers.
And a few from Halloween…
Van was supposed to be a clown, but things have been crazier than ever and time ran out on us. Luckily I saw this post and I ran with it…
Happy Birthday, Van
Dear Van,
I sat and watched you play this morning as the morning light poured in through the family room window and painted a glow around your bare naked body. Frustrated that the phone you were playing with closed shut (it’s a flip phone, something you’ll probably describe as ancient in ten years), you looked toward me with furrowed eyebrows and mouth open in disarray. I flipped it back open and you kept playing.
It’s summer and the days have been reaching the triple digits. We’ve been running the air conditioner even at night and despite the all-encompassing heat outside, it’s comfortable – if not cold – inside. So, before your morning nap, I put a shirt on you.
Today, I chose a green one with a dinosaur on it. It was neatly folded in your drawer, waiting to be chosen as it sat on top of all the others. It’s the first time you’ve worn this shirt. I moved it from your brother’s drawer, straight to your drawer, just a few days ago.
And that’s how life has been as of late — fast.
You turned one yesterday and I love you like you could never believe.
Mama
Side note: I’ll be announcing the winner to the Little Sweet Pea giveaway tomorrow. Remember you can get free shipping with coupon code StorkFreeShip.
July Fourth
All of the images above were taken from some of my favorite photographers, bloggers, and/or instagrammers. Please click on each photo to be taken to it’s beautiful place of origin.
When I was little, my dad used to tell me the fireworks were for me (my birthday is tomorrow).
Happy Birthday, America. Happy Birthday.
And a little jam to get the celebration started…
A Day for Papa's…
+ click on the images above to be taken back to their place of origin +
Wishing all the Papa’s out there a very happy Father’s Day. And, as always, special love going out to my own dad who was also my softball coach as well as the man who ran to the store late at night to buy preparation H to put on my eyes (it apparently reduces the puffiness) after my 16-year-old heart was a puddle on the floor (as a side note, I learned that once while watching a dumb Miss America pageant… it’s probably the only thing I’ve ever learned from watching one of those shows and that’s because how could you ever forget something like that… I’ve never looked at preparation H the same).
Special love also going out to Willy’s dad. If you engage Willy in a conversation that has any amount of substance to it, he’s bound to tell you something about his dad with pride beaming from his eyes. Papa Niles, you done did good.
And, much love to our two boys. Hooper & Van, I speak for your Papa and I when I say that it is a privilege raising you and watching you learn and grow. We love you.
A Day for the Mama's
Click on each photo above to be taken back to it’s place of origin.
No image touches me more than a mother with her child. Wishing all the Mama’s out there a Happy Mother’s Day.
Special love going out to my own mom, who has led me more by example than with advice. Mom, it may be true that you spent camping trips washing the dirty dishes under a shitty spicket but, because of it, I love the smell of the mountains.
Special love also going out to Willy’s mom, you raised one fine man. And to my sister-in-law and dearest friend, who are both celebrating their first Mother’s Day.
Dear Hooper & Van, there is nothing I am more proud of than being your mom.
As a side note, my Mother’s Day was made last night when I learned Kelly nominated me for The Dairy Queen award. I had received a mysterious email a while back and had honestly forgotten all about until last night, when another mysterious email appeared with a link. Kelly is the mom I have been donating my extra breast milk to. Well, I haven’t donated it to her, but rather to her son who is just a few months younger than Van. Kelly, my heart is all kinds of warm. Thank you.
For All the Mamas
♥ ♥ ♥
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
♥ ♥ ♥
one + two + three + four + five
Oh dear, I blinked and all the sudden it’s February. How I long for the day to come when I can send the boys off to school with their little Valentine’s in their backpacks… I ought to add that to my list of “cant waits”… Happy February! Rabbit, Rabbit.
2013
I wrote some resolutions last year around this time. I had just started this blog and they were kinda silly and arguably cliche. Upon reading them, I thought, yeah yeah, I resolve to do that again this year. Turns out things like “eat better” require a complete lifestyle change. And well, making ten lifestyle changes is a hard thing to do. Since becoming a mom, I’ve realized the importance in setting small goals. If you don’t, you’ll spend every day beating yourself up for being such a loser.
So I’m keeping the resolutions to a minimum this year.
Last year, I resolved to work out. Do some yoga. That sorta thing. I did prenatal yoga throughout my pregnancy with Hooper. I did none with Van. Time wouldn’t allow. So, this resolution was a total flunk. I’m recycling this resolution again this year but am altering it. I have something planned later in the year that I’m not ready to talk about but it requires that I strengthen my abdominal and leg muscles. Considering my abdominal muscles are still separated from carrying my second over nine pound baby, this is no easy feat. Wish me luck.
I almost burst into a full blown giggle when I read that I resolved to buy a bigger home last year. Granted, we did look. We even put an offer down for one home and it didn’t work out. Ultimately we decided it would be more financially responsible to stay where we are. So I’m resolving to love the home I’m in. There are a few things I’m excited to change in the interior, so there’s that to look forward to. Which reminds me of the kitchen remodel tour I promised way back when and room tours of the boys’ rooms. Yes, yes, yes, I resolve to share those too.
I kept my resolution last year to continue blogging and I’m glad I did. The blogging community continuously inspires me. Building this blog has helped me grow too and part of me feels overcome with the same creative spirit that carried my wandering soul in my early 20’s. Errr ::scratches head:: That comment makes me feel kinda old. Scratch that early 20’s shit and lets leave it at I love the creative energy this blog brings me on a personal level.
Hope everyone had a fancy dance New Years. Feel free to share your resolutions as well, I’d love to hear.
Twelve Days O’ Fun
1 toy gun // 2 christmas record // 3 dum dums // 4 tattooes // 5 cars // 6 stickers // 7 harmonica // 8 plane // 9 crayons // 10 pocky // 11 animal figurines // 12 book
This year is the first year Hooper kinda gets Christmas. He doesn’t grasp the concept of Santa or reindeer or lights, but this boy is catching on quick to the concept of prizes. I did a modified version of the advent calender this year and it’s proven to be just as much fun for Willy and I as it is for Hooper. Each day we put a little prize in a decorated, easy to open, paper bag under the tree. The boys eyes light up when he notices that little green bag under the tree. Last night, he squealed, “new pie-z” (new prize)! His favorites thus far have been the lollipops (he is my child after all) and the little animal figurines. I’m short on prizes, so I even wrapped up some toys he’s forgotten about. He’s two and not the genius he will be one day, so whatever.
Did you do an advent calendar? I’m already looking forward to doing something more elaborate next year!
Side note: Special congrats to Janine for winning the giveaway from Little Foot Boutique. For those that are still interested in making a purchase, you can use promo code STORK15 for 15% off.
A Christmas Story
We went the other evening to pick out our Christmas tree. It was there, in the lot of pre-cut trees with fake frosting that it dawned on me: Hooper is growing up. And fast. I watched as he weaved in and out of the aisles, hiding quickly behind one tree and then behind the next, popping out every now and again to say “boo” with the sneakiest little smirk on his face. It seems like just yesterday that I was swooning over his pitter patter. Pitter patter; you know, the sound toddlers make when they’re running. Only they don’t run so much as they gallop and they practically lose all self control with each step as if they’re running down hill only there is no hill, only a hallway.
I had Van in the front carrier and my camera, eager to catch every significant and insignificant moment, slung over my shoulder. I called out to Hooper every now and again to remind him that I was close by. Only he didn’t care. He was one amongst the Christmas trees. Every now and again, he’d pop out only run away once again. And I watched as he ran. And there was no pitter patter. Instead there was a well executed stride. Quick, deliberate, coordinated steps in quick succession. He was like an arrow darting away from me. I suppose that is how life will be from this point forward.
Side note: I saw someone on instagram post this quote from Gandhi and it’s been in my head ever since: “You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
My thoughts are with everyone in this time of sorrow.
‘Tis The Season
1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15
Rabbit Rabbit
It’s December 1st and I don’t know about you, but Christmas has been looming over my head for the past week or so. It’s like a whole separate to do list: think of what to get people, go out and get it or order it online, wrap it, drop it off at the post office, think of what I want, think of what the kids need, decide on a Christmas card to send out, send out Christmas cards, buy a Christmas tree, decorate a Christmas tree. My mind is spinning, can you tell? Anyway, I’ve thrown out quite a few discount codes over the past month or so and I thought it’d be helpful to compile them all in one place to make online shopping a little easier. I hope these discounts are useful and that you can check a few people off your list from these awesome stores/companies below. There are some really cool people behind these stores/companies and I’m happy to support each and every one of them. So with no further adieu, get to shopping. And check some peeps off your list. It will feel so good, won’t it? I love putting that line through things. Or that check in the box. I’m really not a type A, but that sure makes me sound like one doesn’t it?
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Hope these discounts are helpful. Enjoy your weekend.
Boo
Somehow in the chaos that has been the last week or so, I managed to make Hooper’s Halloween costume in time for his little party at the gym. I use the term “make”, but rest assured there was no spinning wheel involved. Shit, there wasn’t even any thread involved. That little Fred Flinestone getup was constructed out of pure felt and glue goodness. Possibly the most easy and inexpensive thing I can brag about making. I spent around 7 bucks on material and when all was said and done, about 45 minutes cutting, gluing, and measuring.
Van was a sheriff. I scored his little vintage getup at the Topanga Vintage Market a few months ago for 5 bucks with tags attached. Tonight, he’ll be a dinosaur because I honestly don’t think he can fit into the sheriff costume again. That’s one big growing boy, thanks to that dreadful three month growth spurt I keep bitching about.
Anyway, we’ll probably do a little trick or treatin’ tonight and then hunker down and hope some trick or treaters come to our door. I think Hooper will really enjoy handing out candy. And eating the candy. Because that’s a must. Have I mentioned I’m addicted to candy corn. Because I am.
What are you doing?
Side note: My first day back to work was long, but relatively seamless. I wish all days as a nurse could go so smoothly. Thanks to everyone who offered words of encouragement and support, it means a lot. Thank you also to those who continue voting on TBB, we’ve jumped up quite a few spots over the last few days, so that’s always cool to see. Much love.
Fall Fever
I love fairs and festivals. We went to the Ventura fair and had a blast. We tried the LA fair and swore, as in cussed our brains out, and then swore, as in promised, never to go back. The little pumpkin patch at Pierce College, now that is where it’s at. If you live locally, you must check it out. We’ve been twice already; once on the weekend and once mid-week. There is a $5 entrance fee on the weekends, but it’s free during the week. They have everything you would get at the county fairs minus the crowd and cost. I’m talking bumper boats, slides, mining for gold, pony rides, petting zoo, trampoline, moon bounces, hay rides, a carousel, corn maze, funnel cake, and the best strawberry lemonade in all the land to boot. I think we just started a yearly tradition. Looking forward to next year when Van can participate in the pumpkin picking. This year, he slept the whole time.
Side note: Today is the last day to enter Monday’s giveaway from Truly Sanctuary. You can enter by simply leaving a comment on Monday’s post. I will be announcing the winner on Monday.