Category: Van

Van @ 7 Months

by Ashley filed under Van

Growth & Appearance: You hair is lightening up, just as your brothers did, and I suspect it will officially be blond in a few months time. Your eyes are transitioning to brown. You have a chubby belly and chunky little legs that I can’t help but squeeze. You face is round and your eyebrows and eyelashes are still hardly visible. You are exceptionally long and fit into 9 month 12 month pajamas as a result. You are in onesies your brother wore after he had already started walking. You wear size 3 diapers (which are almost too small) and size 9-12 month clothing.
We moved you into the bigger car seat this month. For the record, your brother didn’t make the move until he was over a year. Just saying, for the record.
No teeth yet.
Development: Not only are you ticklish, but you also find all the ridiculous faces and noises we make at you funny. You now have a sense of humor, which means you’re officially part of the family. Your arms never stop reaching and your eyes never stop tracking. Your grandma and grandpa call you “Boris” because they imagine you growing up to be a girthy guy that lifts weights. I can’t say I disagree. You’re strong and sturdy and you hold on to things like a magnet holds on to metal.
We left you both with a babysitter for the first time this past month. You cried the whole time.
You’ll be crawling soon enough. Currently you like to reach out to the side when you’re sitting, which ultimately lands you on your belly and frustrated. In general, you’re frustrated by your limitations.
You haven’t quite mastered the pincer grasp, but you able to get small items (like peas) into your mouth. You appear to be right handed.
You rock back and forth when music is on. Every time.
You’ve started waving, or at least imitating our wave.
You’re fine with others holding you until you spot me. Once you spot me, you throw your body in my direction and whine until the person holding you starts to feel uncomfortable. You prefer me over anyone else and are rather vocal about your preference.
You’re able to help us get you out of your car seat by reaching your arms out. This sounds rather minuscule, but I’m sure all the other mamas out there know how difficult it is to get a floppy infant in and out of a seat. In any event, thanks for helping out. 
Eating: I thought you’d be like a well oiled machine when it came to eating. It started so promising. I gave you green beans and you looked as though you were in heaven. Given the fact that I gag on green beans, I thought we were off to a pretty stellar start. Then you spit carrots and sweet potato out and currently I’m not sure if you’re more into the food or the spoon it’s on. Each time I try to put the spoon in your mouth, you grab for the spoon and don’t appear so interested in the food. I suppose I’ll let you lead the way and, truth be told, I’d rather keep you on as much of a breastfed diet as possible anyway.
Things you’ve tried and liked: squash, peas, green beans, blackberries, sweet potato, pieces of the wool rug.
Things you’ve tried and not liked: carrots, sweet potato, broccoli.
Breastfeeding has been boarder line abusive. I’ve almost considered throwing in the towel. It’s like Chinese torture to feed you. Your hand is constantly smacking me in my face or pulling my hair. Your tiny little death grip of a hand pinches the backside of my arm. And I wasn’t kidding when I said last month that your grip could kill a small mouse. In fact, I think it could kill a large rat. You also like to bite down on my nipple and jerk your head away. I’ve had to hand you off to your Papa from time to time out of frustration. Other times I simply feed you while starring straight up at the ceiling to avoid being slapped around, as that’s the one that ruffles my feathers the most.
I breastfeed you on demand, which ends up being 9 to 10x/ day. Not all of these feedings are of great quality, some are just quick snacks. I’m still donating milk, but in a lesser quantity than before.
Sleeping: You have an official routine. And, as luck would have it, it coincides with your brother’s routine. I may not have won in the food category, but I think I take home the trophy for the best sleepers in town. This is not to say I’m not exhausted on most days and that I don’t complain on the days I do have to get up during the night. On comparison to other babies, however, I think you’re both pretty stellar. I’m hoping you continue to follow in the long-nap-footsteps set before you.
We quit the swaddle cold turkey, mostly because you outgrew it and the velco was shot. We had ordered another one but had to send it back because you were too long for that one as well. We’ve also given you full range of your crib by removing your sleep positioner. You seem to stay on your back nonetheless, but wiggle around to different areas of the crib.
Here’s your schedule: I breastfeed you around 9pm. You drift off to sleep when you’re done eating and I put you in your crib for the night around 10pm. Some nights you wake up at 3am and want to eat, other nights you wake up briefly but drift back to sleep. The last few nights you’ve gotten up at 12am. It’s really a crap shoot as of late. You’re typically up for the day between 7 or 8am, depending if you had a middle of the night feeding. You nap around 11 or 12 for a couple of hours (fingers crossed) in the afternoon. You’re ready for another nap come 5pm and usually drift off to sleep as I feed you around this time, but more times than not, as soon as I put you down to nap, you scream. So the afternoon nap is hit or miss. 
Favorites: You love the toy guitar, which is a recipe for a fight because it’s one of Hooper’s favorites too. You love pushing the buttons and rock back and forth when the music plays. But your favorite, hands down, is your mama. You’re not a happy camper when I’m in the room and you’re not in my arms. You also love to bounce in your jumper. You’re actually able to jump, with both feet pushing off the floor. You’re bouncing right now and giggling while you do it. You also love sitting alongside your brother while he plays with his toys and, oh yes,  you love the remote controls. I’m quite sure if you had to chose two things to have for the rest of your life, it’d be me and the remotes.

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On Loving a Second

by Ashley filed under Family, Hooper, Motherhood, Parenting, Van

Ready for a dose of honesty? It took me longer to love Van than it did Hooper. I was a bit surprised by it because everything I read, prior to giving birth, talked about how your love multiplies rather than divides and blah blah blah. It wasn’t like that for me; not right away, at least.
When I was handed Hooper, on the operating room table, I loved him instantly. I immediately felt protective. And despite his swollen face and cone shaped head, I thought he was the most beautiful thing alive.
None of this is to say that my love for Van wasn’t instant as well. It was. I felt protective of him too. But there was a difference.
I learned, through loving Hooper, that my capacity for love on the day he was born piddled in comparison to the love I had for him just a few months later. It’s like the song says, I love him more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow.
So when Van was born, I loved him, but I knew that love would only grow bigger; I knew the love I had that day was naive to the love it would grow to be.
And I was right. Because the love I have for this little guy today blows any emotion that I referred to as love before out of the water. Right around the third to fourth month of life, he stole my heart. And now, at six months, he owns me.
And two more, for the sake of love and war:

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The Food Dilemma

by Ashley filed under Breastfeeding, Van

I started Hooper on solids at 19 weeks. I checked with both his pediatrician and my midwife before doing so. He was so skinny and I worried constantly about his weight. Once I started him on solids, I felt less responsible for his low weight percentile. I needed to start him on solids for my own sanity.
This time around, however, Van is perfectly healthy. His weight is dropping in percentile, but I hardly expected a child that came from me to stay in the 90th percentile. I’ve always been skinny, despite the fact that I too was nearly 9 lbs at birth.
The thought of delaying solids the first time around went in one ear and out the other. I couldn’t shoulder the responsibility of feeding Hooper on my own any longer and I didn’t want to throw off my milk supply by supplementing with formula, so I turned to solids. This time around, the idea of delaying solids has been floating around in my head. Van is doing perfectly fine and it’s out of pride, honestly, that I want to continue to be his sole nutrient source.
So I did some research. I found this article on KellyMom which lists the advantages to delaying solids. I went through each one, as it pertained to us:
-Delaying solids gives baby greater protection from illness.
This is because breast milk is the best thing on earth and has a ton of antibodies. Tons of studies have been done that document lower rates of numerous infections when children are exclusively breastfed. I threw this reason out, however, because he’ll still be breastfed. Solids will be added to his diet. And he’s been exclusively breastfed for 6 months already… so…
-Delaying solids gives baby’s digestive system time to mature.
I double checked with Van’s pediatrician on this one. Solids aren’t suggested prior to 6 months because of the immature digestive system. At 6 months, however, their digestive system is mature enough to handle solids. I remember from my experience in feeding Hooper that, more than anything, they are experimenting with solids at 6 months; trying a different fruit or vegetable every three or so days. Solids hardly take over as the bulk of their diet until much later.
-Delaying solids decreases the risk of food allergies.
Food allergies aren’t prevalent in our family.
-Delaying solids helps to protect baby from iron-deficiency anemia.
He’ll still be predominantly breastfed, so this doesn’t bother me.
-Delaying solids helps to protect baby from future obesity.
I’m not worried about future obesity for my children.
-Delaying solids helps mom to maintain her milk supply.
Oh shit, did someone just mention “milk supply” followed by “maintain”? Now if for no other reason, this is IT. This is why I would delay solids: Because I’m a raging lunatic who is completely neurotic about maintaining my damn milk supply and the second something (aka solids) stands to jeopardize it, you better believe I’m on guard. Now the wheels are spinning. Now I’m listening. Go on KellyMom, tell me more.
-Delaying solids helps to space babies.
Breastfeeding alone does this as well. My period didn’t return until Hooper was 8 or 9 months old. And there are other ways to space babies. I’d hardly delay solids as a means of birth control.
-Delaying solids makes starting solids easier.
The reason behind this, per KellyMom, is because babies can feed themselves when they’re older. Hooper is two and I’m still assisting him, begrudgingly, with putting the spoon in his mouth (more so due to lack of desire than coordination). So yeah, I could be delaying solids for quite some time if I’m going to wait for him to be able and willing to feed himself.
Can you tell my mind is made up? The real kicker is when I talked it over with our pediatrician and said something like this, “You can delay solids. He’ll probably just wake up more because he’ll be hungry”. And with that, we came home and I fed him peas. And oatmeal. And he made it until 5:30am this morning, which is a huge improvement. So, the solids have begun.
As a side note, I plan on continuing pumping to maintain my milk supply. And then there’s the added bonus of donating what I pump. A win win for everyone. And, oh ya, Van is more than ready. That kid sees a spoon and begins to throw himself in its direction. These past few weeks of holding out have felt like I was depriving a bee of honey.

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Van @ 6 Months

by Ashley filed under Van
Growth & Appearance: Your head has rounded out and grown and your larger right ear isn’t so noticeable anymore. I remember thinking one of Hooper’s ears was larger than the other one too and now that he has hair, I can’t tell you which one it is. Your hair is slowly growing and still appears light brown. You eyebrows and eyelashes are light and hard to notice. You have the most perfect belly button and a round face. You are 28 inches long (92nd percentile), weigh 18 lbs. 3 oz (65th percentile), and have a head circumference of 17 3/8 (60th percentile). For comparison, you are roughly the size Hooper was at 9 months.
Eating: You eat often. I’m still feeding you every two hours it seems. Sometimes even more frequent than that. It’s hard to squeeze pump sessions in with how often you’re eating. Right now, our schedule looks something like this:
5am- Pump (Some days you wake up at this time and I have to feed you instead of pumping. If that’s the case, I try to pump one hour later so I have some milk to save in the freezer for donation)
7ish am to 9ish pm- Breastfeed on demand (if you chose to nap, I pump one hour into your nap)
You are very handsy while you eat and I find myself starring at the ceiling while I feed you to avoid having your hand smack my face around. It’s endearing and annoying all at the same time. You’re also easily distracted. If all attempts fail, I feed you in your room with the door closed and the light off.
I’m considering delaying solids but intend to discuss it with your pediatrician first. More to come on this later.
I don’t personally give you a bottle, but on the days I work I hear you are a bottle sucking monger. As soon as that thing gets within a foot radius your eyes reportedly get googly and your hands jittery. You definitely like your breast milk. 
Sleeping: Once a week or so you were waking up in the middle of the night, usually around 2am, to feed. More often than not, however, you would go down around 10pm and sleep until 7ish am. That’s changed. Now you wake up during the night almost every night. You’re starting to nap (praise the f’n lord) for about an hour to two hour stretch during the day though it’s still inconsistent.
This month has been a tough one. You’re waking more often and between feeding you in the middle of the night and waking up at 5am to pump, I’ve been exhausted. We considered trying to take you out of the swaddle at night, but you woke up at 2am and fed and continued to scream afterward. We put you back in the swaddle and you fell asleep. So looks like we’ll have to keep an eye out for that infomercial that sells the adult sized sleep sacs because you’re clearly too big for your sleep sac.
The picture looks something like this: I feed you for the last time around 9pm and put you down 45 minutes later. Some nights you wake up at 2am while other nights you sleep until 5am but either way, you go back to sleep and are up for the day around 7:30am. Toward the end of this month, you’ve been consistently napping for about 2 hours from 11-1 and, on occasion, again around 5 for an hour or so. Development: You are friendly and warm. You’re in your bouncer starring at me and giggling as I write this. You have loads of energy and are constantly distracted by what’s going on around you. I just got that bad omen feeling in seeing how this translates in the classroom. You are in to touching and tasting everything around you. You’re still giggling at me, by the way. Oh you melt my heart you little booger.
You began sitting at 5 months but would tip over as soon as you reached for something to either side. It was quite the scene to find you turned part way on your side with your little bum up in the air. It doesn’t seem to upset you and more times than not you’re happy to have got whatever it was you were reaching for into your chompers despite the contortion it took to get there. Midway through your fifth month you started sitting with ease. Now I can leave you on the wood floor with some toys and not worry so much about tipping. You’re happy to sit and play with a few toys. You’re also happy to hang out in the high chair… now if only we could get your brother to keep his ass planted in his big boy chair…
You are strong. Your grip alone could kill a mouse. It’s a good thing we don’t let you play with mice.
You’re transitioning from a crack-crazed-crying-one-minute-laughing-the-next infant to an even-keeled smiley little dude. Your mood is less labile and your schedule is more predictable.
You like pulling your sock off your foot and shoving it in your mouth. More times than not you have one sock on. I find single socks strewn about the house.
You’ve taken notice of Sarah and reach out for her when she’s near. You open your mouth, instinctively, when she licks your face. It’s gross, considering she eats shit.
You’ve discovered my camera, which always seems to be in your face, and you like to grab at it with your grubby little fingers.
You have strong lungs. I’m pretty sure the neighbors know when you’re upset.
Favorites: You love, and I mean love, your mama. You bounce wildly when you’re in your Papa’s arms and I come into view. I’m not sure if you love me or the fact that I feed you. You sure like to eat, so I’m not so sure. You also love the crinkly sound of a plastic and more than anything else, you love playing with a plastic bag. I know, I know, it’s not safe. Whenever you get your grubby little hands on one, I have to do a quick switcheroo. You also love Hooper’s cars and like to fling your head back anytime your nursing on the sofa to catch a glimpse of one because, you know, your brothers cars are always strewn about on the sofa.
My favorite thing is giving you kisses in the middle of the night between feedings. I lay you on your changing table and watch as you peacefully stretch your arms up above your head and curl you chin down to your chest. I kiss you on your sweet lips, which are soft and smooth… not filled with the drool and slobber that takes over your chin and chest during the day. As soon as my lips leave yours, a smile spreads over your face but your eyes remain closed. I fall deeper in love with you each time we share this moment.

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Then & Now

by Ashley filed under Hooper, Then & Now, Van

When I became a mom for the first time, within a few months, it was almost impossible to remember what my life was like before I became a mother. Now I’m a mother to two and it’s difficult to remember, just a year and then some later, what it was like when Hooper was a baby. It’s difficult to remember how we spent our days together, difficult to remember the way he moved, difficult to remember the little details that were then our everyday life.
Mothering Van has provided me with a glimpse of who Hooper once was and I’m reminded all over again how fast they grow, change, and evolve. Every mom says it and every mom means it, but it’s absolutely ridiculous how fast the time goes.
I was going through some old photos of Hooper and came across the one above of him playing with my old fisher price spin toy. He was 21 weeks in the photo, right aroundd the age Van is today. It gave me a bad case of deja vu as just the other day Van took interest in the same toy. It’s the first toy I remember Hooper playing with and now the first toy that has captured Van’s attention as well.

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Van @ 5 Months

by Ashley filed under Van
Growth & Appearence: The Elmer Fud really comes out when you make a frowny face. It’s not that appealing, so make sure you smile often as an adult. You fit comfortably into size 3 diapers, have graduated to 6-9 month clothing, and have yet to wear a pair of shoes. The cradle cap on your scalp has not gone away, so I’ve begun treating it with some olive oil. You look very similar to your brother.
Eating: I have yet to start you on rice cereal, but I think it’s time. You’ve shown interest in food and like to pull my spoon from my mouth to yours. You got a hold of Hooper’s bottle the other day and your eyes grew all googly. I have a sneaking suspicion you will not share in your brother’s poor eating habits. That might turn you into my favorite. You hear that Hooper? Mama has a favorite. Shape up at the table and join the competition you little picky eater you.
You breastfeed often. Sometimes it feels like less than two hours have gone by before you’re ready to eat again. It’s obvious when you’re going through a growth spurt, which last about two days and seem to be coming every few weeks. On average, I feed you 8-10x a day, which feels like a lot. Our schedule is in a state of transition as you are starting to sleep later into the morning. I wish I could enjoy this, but your milk-supply-neurotic-mom is still getting up in the wee hours of the morning to pump to avoid such a long span of time going by without emptying the utters.
You eat efficiently, taking about 20 minutes per session with the exception of our nighttime session where you drift off to sleep between breasts and a midday session where you think napping with my nipple in your mouth is cooler than napping in your crib.
Development: If only your body could keep up with your brain. You have so many plans, so many things you want to touch, so many places you want to go. Your poor little body just isn’t up to par quite yet. You remind me of one of those machines kids try to win stuffed animals at. You come swooping in but everything seems to fall just out of your grasp. You’re like a baseball player on one of those bloopers, constantly fumbling the ball. There is a fire in your eye and a strength in your grasp that has me wondering how I’m going to handle you when you do start moving.
You know now who your mama is. You know when I walk into a room and, more importantly, when I leave. The other morning, I walked into your room to feed you and realized I had to pee. You watched as I walked in and then quickly out and began to scream for your dear life. You either love me or need me, or maybe it’s a little of both.
Sitting is right around the corner. You manage to stay upright for a short amount of time but eventually tip over like a drunken sailor on a rocky boat.
You reach for anything around you and bring everything to your mouth. We’re on the brink of being able to lay you down on a blanket with some toys for the sake of entertainment. You love watching your brother and take obvious mental notes as he moves from toy to toy.

Sleeping: I’d have to sneak a peak in your brother’s baby book to remember when he started napping. Us moms gotta love nap time. It’s key to feeling accomplished and productive. It’s when the dishes get done, the body gets cleaned, emails get returned, photos get edited, dogs get fed, you get the idea. So start taking naps, would ya? I’m lucky if you shut your eyes for an hour during the day. I feel silly complaining because I’d rather you sleep well at night, which you do, than take naps during the day. You just can’t have it all, can you? Let that be a lesson to you.
With that said, you get an average of 12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Just in this past week you have begun sleeping a little bit more but I have yet to define you as a consistent nap taker. Fingers are crossed nonetheless.
We still swaddle you at night. I think we gave up on swaddling Hooper at this point, but we were using a blanket with him and are using a sleep sac thing with velcro with you. It’s much easier so as long as you’re happy being swaddled, we’ll keep strappin’ you in. We call you our little Temple Grandin because of the hug machine (please tell me ya’ll have seen Temple Grandin). 
Favorites: You’re quite keen on your environment. You love watching Hooper and have also taken notice of Sarah. You prefer to be in the center of the action so you can watch as everyone moves about. You also like putting everything and anything into your mouth. This includes clothing, toys, remote controls, my hair, and even plastic bags (which, clearly, I take away because suffocation is not cool nor is choking). You love holding and sucking on any of Hooper’s cars and you’ve also just begun to like sitting in the bouncer that hangs from the doorway. You also like being carried in the front carrier. I keep you in there during Hooper’s gym class and you almost always drift off to sleep halfway through.

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Brothers

by Ashley filed under Hooper, Motherhood, Van

When I started Hooper’s baby book, in the first month of documentation, I made a list. I’m not type A, by the way, but I do love me some lists. The first list I started was “Things I can’t wait for”. The list included things like reading him his favorite book, hearing his voice, giving him food for the first time (turns out, if I could go back in time, I would have taken that off the list. Total flunk. Totally overrated. Feeding him sucks and now I “can’t wait” until he’s responsible for feeding himself. I digress). In making the list, I realized that what I was doing was dangerous. The moment they are in right now gets overlooked if you’re constantly looking toward the future. So my intention was to get a quick “can’t wait” list out of the way so I could get back to soaking up all the spit up that was indeed my reality at the time. And is now my reality once again.
With two boys, the list of “can’t waits” has transformed to include things that involve both of them. Things on the list today include:
-Building forts
-Overhearing their silly conversations
-Going to a baseball game
-Hearing them bicker and then hearing them stop bickering
-Meeting their mutual friends
-Taking them fishing
-Selling something on the side of the road (hopefully not their bodies or souls. I’m talking about lemonade people, or firewood, or painted rocks)
-Should I dare to hope for a performance of some kind? A brotherly puppet show production, per say? Yes, yes, I can’t wait for that too.
Now back to enjoying this very moment.
How ’bout you? What’s on your “can’t wait” list?

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Van @ 4 Months

by Ashley filed under Van
Growth: You weigh 16 lbs, 8 oz. (82nd percentile). Just for a point of reference, your brother weighed 12 lbs, 12 oz. at four months.You are 27 inches long (97th percentile). You’re outgrowing your swing and bouncer. You head is 16 5/8 inches (60th percentile). You wear a size 3 diaper. I cannot tell you how nice it is to not worry about your weight. I hope this translates to you being a good eater.
Appearance: You hit your three month growth spurt and practically overnight your hair grew noticeably longer. It’s thick and brown and covers your whole head with the exception of a small bald spot still on the back of your head. In your months prior, you had a goofy side profile due to an odd shaped head but during the same growth spurt, your head filled in. Your profile, however, is still kinda goofy. Your right ear still sticks out considerably further than your left. I’m guessing that won’t change. Could be worse. You could have two ears that stick out. Remember to always keep things in perspective. I gather you’ll hear better with your right ear, so be thankful for that.
Your balls are now normal size. I wouldn’t include this in a post except for the fact that if we were to have a third child and if it were to be another boy, I’d like some cheat sheet to remind me when baby boy balls go from fluid filled elephant sized nuts to little baby ball sacks. The answer is about three and a half months. See, now I won’t forget.
Your eyebrows and eyelashes are becoming more apparent, though they’re still very light.
You auntie Kiki says you look like Elmer Fudd. I kinda agree.
Sleeping: You hit the three month growth spurt just a few days after your three month birthday. We were in San Diego and the single night we spent there became known as our worst night yet. You woke every hour, on the hour, from 11pm to 3am, to feed. That’s five additional feedings, not to mention three mid-night shits that also required changing. It was a long night. That three month growth spurt has bit me in the ass twice now, as the same thing happened with your brother. As luck would have it, both times we were away from home.
You’ve gotten back on track, however. I tend to put you down around 10pm and you wake up somewhere around 6am, nurse, and then go back to sleep for a few more hours. You must sense the mornings I work because twice in a row now you’ve awoken early at 4:45 to feed just before I set my alarm to get up to pump and shower. You’re a smart little booger.  There have also been a few surprises this month, with random night feedings. Your baseline is consistent but you like to throw a curve ball every now and again. With that said, you sleep an average of 12 to 13 hours in a 24 hour period. Most of this occurs in one long stretch with a feeding in between. You nap for short spurts of time throughout the day. We’re still swaddling you at night. 
Developmental: Everything goes in your mouth these days and since you’re still lacking in the coordination department, this means your hands end up there more than anything else. You also like sucking on whatever blanket is covering you, but more times than not we find those two fingers pluggin’ up that hole. The doctor said at your last appointment, when you were two months, that you should start batting objects or grabbing a rattle between three and four months. You have no interest in rattles or objects. Instead, it’s the blanket you grab and pull to your little chompers. Even when you’re breastfeeding there’s times you seem more interested in my shirt than my boob. Your hands, in general, do not stop moving. Every now and again, I catch you gazing at them with complete and utter fascination. You have found your hands and you are very impressed.
You are calm and peaceful. You love being in the presence of others and are a quiet observer. I took in to the doc for a shot and you cried less than 5 seconds. Cry isn’t even the right noun, as it was more like a moan. You’re pretty cool, calm, and collected. Which means you’ll probably be a monster when you become a toddler.
You transfer from person to person with ease. As long as someone is paying attention to you, you are more than content.
Your head control has gotten much stronger and I’m now able to carry you on my hip which sure beats the awkward over the shoulder thing. If I stand you up on your feet, you push against the floor pretending to stand. You’ve rolled from your stomach to your back twice in one day and then never again since then. You can lift your head to a 90 degree angle when you’re on your tummy. You also like sitting in the bumbo and are able to tolerate sitting in it for an extended amount of time.
You love watching Hooper play. You track him as he runs all over the room and make great eye contact with him when he finally sits still. You smile when he says “hi-yee” to you and you practically beg for his attention. It’s a special thing to watch mature. Don’t ruin it by fighting over toys and arguing about stupid shit, okay?
You smile and giggle and I’m reminded all over again why every new mom should wait until their child is three months old before determining if having a child was a good idea or not. Eating: I’ve coined you as the one tit wonder. This is because it’s a wonder to me how you can only take one breast, refuse the other, and still be the chunkster that you are. Maybe this is a sign as to what will come in the future. Maybe you’ll release a single like “Ice Ice Baby” and transform from the one tit wonder to the one hit wonder. Dumb joke, I know. It’s late.
As of late, you’ve shown interest in watch others eat. The other day, you were sitting on my lap as I ate and you tracked the food all the way from the plate to my hand to my mouth. It’s like you’re begging for a taste. Pretty soon my young lad, pretty soon.

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You Be The Judge…

by Ashley filed under Ashley, Hooper, Motherhood, Van
Ignore the fact we both have rubber duckies in the photos above. Total coincidence. I always thought Hooper was a pretty good mix of both of us and based on the fact Van looks pretty dang similar to Hooper as a baby, I assume the same will be true for him. But after looking at our baby photos, I’m thinkin’ these boys look a lot more like their Papa. What do you think?

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Van @ 3 Months

by Ashley filed under Van
I’m overdue on this… but what else is new. Suck it up Ashley, suck it up.
Growth: You’re in size three diapers. Just for the record, your brother is in size four. He’s almost TWO years older than you. You’re in size 3-6 month clothing, growing faster than my hatred toward Chloe Kardashwhatever as co-host on the X-Factor. 
Appearance: Your right ear sticks out a little more than your left. Not to worry, when your hair grows in no one else will be able to tell. That is, until your hair falls out and all the little old ladies in the nursing home come to know you as the little old man whose right ear sticks out further than his left. You have a funny profile, not to worry, head on you’re cute as a button. Your eyes are turning brown and your hair is coming in thick and brown. Your brother’s hair didn’t turn blond until 7 or months, so time will tell if yours will do the same. Your skin is fair, invest in sunscreen.
Sleeping: We’re still swaddling you at night. Most nights you manage to sneak one or both of your arms out and I awaken to the sound of you sucking your fingers. You rarely cry upon waking. I feed you around 9:30pm and put you down in your crib around 10:15pm. You sleep until 6am, give or take an hour, then feed again and go back to sleep for another few hours. Some days you nap, others you don’t. So long as you sleep through the night, I don’t really care what you do during the day.
Eating: Feeding you has been nothing short of annoying lately. I remember Hooper going through the same stage. I know it’s developmental, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating. You’ve entered the distracted nursing phase. You know, where everything to the right or left or north or south is more interesting than the nipple your mom keeps trying to shove in your mouth. Any little noise or movement sparks your interest and your little legs never stop kicking. We’ve resorted to using the handheld vaccuum to distract you enough to get you to latch. Even then, however, you fling off the boob and appear to be done after only a few minutes of nursing. When this happens, I pump to avoid getting a clogged duct or compromising my supply. It’s a real pain in the ass to be breastfeeding and pumping, so if you could concentrate a little harder, I sure would appreciate it.
Oh yes, and you spit up. A lot.
I’ve been referring to our mornings as of late as the triple threat mornings. That’s because at 6 am, before the sun has risen, I give you a bottle, then breastfeed, then pump. And it’s exhausting. Your Papa grew too frustrated with the bottle training effort so I took over. I’ve found that you’re more inclined to take the bottle first thing in the morning, before you’re able to recognize the artificial nipple being pushed in your mouth. We call these recreational feedings because I’m only giving you an ounce of pumped milk from the day before and only for the sole purpose of solidifying and reinforcing your bottle drinking skill. So far, so good. You drink it relatively fast and then I stick you on the boob. The triple threat mornings take around 45 minutes and are part of the reason I’ve been so exhausted lately. Fortunately, we only do the bottle a coulpe times a week but rest assured, the breastfeeding and pumping schedule is enough to take a few zzz’s off my life. 
Development: You’ve found your fingers and you love them. You favor the same two fingers on your left hand as your brother, which baffles my mind. You suck those things all day long. You’re able to lift your head when you’re in your car seat to see your feet. You’ll also doing well with sitting in your bumbo. You can lift your head up when laying on your tummy and it seems that you are thinking about rolling, but have yet to take the plunge.
Your right leg never stops kicking and your right arm never stops fist pumping. It’s just yo’ thang. Looks like you’re constantly peddling a bike with your right foot.
You’ve also started smiling and giggling. A lot. You love being in the company of others and seem to fuss anytime you are left alone in a room. All in all, you fuss very little and are quite a peaceful little booger. 

Brothers For Life

by Ashley filed under Family, Hooper, Motherhood, Van

These two. I tell ya. My heart yearns for them as they sleep and flutters for them when they’re awake. Hooper’s transition into his role as big brother has been seamless. That little munchkin Van gets more unsolicated hugs and kisses from his brother than anyone else. Hooper is quick to place one of his prized toy cars into his brother’s hand and repeatedly offers Van his bottle and his raisins and his juice and his carrots… you get the idea. It’s a budding relationship and it’s the most fulfilling thing to watch unravel.
That’s all for today. Just a few simple words to reflect on mothering these two beautiful boys. Dear Hooper & Van, Mama loves you.

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Last Days of Summer

by Ashley filed under Hooper, Van, Videos

Last week it was still in the triple digits here in Southern California. I had already turned the calender page and welcomed October into our lives with hopes of fall joining the pumpkin party. Summer had other ideas and I’m not one to complain about the sun wanting to hang out a little while longer. So I packed up the boys and headed to the beach, in October, to properly thank summer for lingering around. I had the radio on and the Rolling Stone’s “Miss You”, one of my favs, blared through the speakers. I turned it up. Hoop bobbed his head in the back and I dedicated the jam to summer, knowing fall would be gracing us with it’s presence soon enough. It was a perfect day at the beach. A week later and it has cooled down to a comfortable 80 degrees. With a visit to the pumpkin patch in the near future, we’ll have to replay our wee little video to remind us of the last days of summer spent with sand between our toes and white water crashing at our ankles. Dear Summer, thanks for lingering.

Last Days of Summer from The Stork & The Beanstalk on Vimeo.
You can check out my other videos here and here.

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Van @ 2 Months

by Ashley filed under Van
Growth: You are growing out of things your brother wore when he was six months old. It’s crazy. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. You are longer than a giraffe’s neck with viagra stuck in it. Isn’t it funny that we refer to you babies as long until you’re upright, at-which-point you become tall? I think it’s funny, anyhow. You weigh 14lbs, 4oz (91st percentile) and are 25 inches long (96th percentile). The doc says this puts you on track to be 6’3. You weigh more than your brother did at five months and are as long as your brother at five months. Just a reminder, you are TWO months. 
Appearance: You have a receding hairline. There’s no two ways about it. The hair on both sides of your head has fallen out and you’re rockin’ the cul-de-sac look these days (note the cul-de-sac in the first photo above) . Not to worry, you are sprouting new hairs. Oh yes, you have some baby acne… it sounds cuter than it is if we stick the word baby in front of it so we’ll just keep calling it “baby acne” into your teen years if we have to.
Every now and again, I catch glimpses in you of your brother. What’s that you say? You’re related? 
Feeding: I’d like to say I feed you on demand, but by “on demand” I truthfully mean on my demand. I admit I’m a bit noratic when it comes to keeping my milk supply afloat. This means that I will begrudgingly wake  you from your slumber so I can empty the ta-tas. I try to keep to your schedule as much as possible and do this by pumping when you go for longer stretches. But if it’s been more than three hours, I tell you it’s time to eat.
We’ve started what my midwife coined “recreational” bottle feedings. Your Papa gives you an ounce of pumped breastmilk to get you used to drinking from a bottle. We waited way too long to start this with your brother, which resulted in him not drinking a single ounce during my first 12 hour shift back at work. I can’t handle that torment this time around, so rest assured, you will be a milk guzzlin’ bottle drinker by the time I have to return. You’re having some trouble thus far, however, refusing the bottle some days and taking it after several attempts on other days.
I had a clogged milk duct this past month and that sucked. There is nothing worse than a painful lump in your breast. I lie, three hours of pushing you out pretty much takes the cake. But my breast hurt. And it sucked.
Sleeping: By your fifth week of life you formed some sort of consistency, going down at about 10pm and waking up at 2am and again at 6am. You breastfeed for about 15 minutes on each side. I change your diaper in between, waking you up if you’ve dozed off after taking only one side. We had a swaddle sac tucked away in the closet from when your brother was an infant. Not sure why we never used it, but it’s been such a time saver this time around. I just ordered you a new one, as you’re growing out of things faster than Christie Alley when she stopped Weight Watchers (low blow, sorry Christie).
Since your sixth week, you’ve been sleeping consistently for an 7 or 8 hour stretch (10pm-5am) with a few hiccups here and there. After I feed you at 6am, you sleep again until 9:30am, when I wake you up to feed if you’re still sleeping. I pump twice in the morning and once in the afternoon to maintain a healthy milk supply for you. You can thank me now and later.
I should mention that your crib is all the way down on the lowest setting. This is not because you are standing or climbing but instead because your Papa is too lazy to raise it. But we’ll save the ranting and raving about your lazy Papa for another post. Until then, if your mama complains of back pain in the future, know it was from lifting you in and out of a lowered crib. 
Development: You’ve begun the baby coos. Technically speaking I guess this should go in it’s own “talking” category, but all it would read is: You coo. The end. In any case, it’s the sweetest sound in the world. You have the most peaceful and calm demeanor. You rarely cry and never need to be held for the sake of being held, though we do love to hold and cuddle you anyway (deal with it). We have yet to use any of the fancy gadgets loaned to us, like the swing that plays music or the vibrating chair thing. You smiled for the first time at six weeks. It happened once and it’s become my daily mission to make it a more regular occurrance.
You’re able to track objects in front of you and like to lock eyes with us. We like this too. You have some interest in your mobile, which allowed me to shower and get dishes done when your brother was a baby. But now I’m chasing him around while you’re content under your mobile so I’m not sure who is going to clean the dishes, or myself, for that matter. Somehow we’ve all managed.

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And Then There Were Two.

by Ashley filed under Hooper, Motherhood, Van
I’ve been in such a state of peace lately. I really didn’t expect this. I expected chaos and resentment and exhaustion and all those other things that seem to occur when you bring a newborn into a home. But, as it turns out, becoming a mother for the second time has been a much smoother transition than the first time. I’ve been sitting on this realization for a while and have come to attribute it to two things:
First, my perspective is clearer. I have witnessed, firsthand (because lets face it, it means nothing coming from someone else), that time flies. What’s a challenge one week is non-apparent the next. Breastfeeding feels never-ending… then you wean… and a week later it feels like it’s been a year since you breastfed your child and you suddenly miss it a little. Sleepless nights seem to come and go too. What I’m getting at is the fact that it’s all temporary and I’m much more aware of that this time around.
The second has to do with role change. There is a dramatic change in roles following the birth of your first born. For me, I remember thinking parenting Hooper would be a team effort. And by team effort, I mean fifty fifty. It was hard for me to take on the role of primary caregiver and accept the realization that fifty fifty really equals ninety ten. I felt like I was constantly having to sit on my ass to breastfeed and it bothered me to have to sit on my ass while I stared at a sink full of dirty dishes, dust collecting on the floor, a dog that needed to be walked, and so on and so forth. While I had to organize my day with some sort of strategy just to fit a shower and three meals into my schedule, it seemed like Willy got to sit on the toilet forever just to shit. It all seemed unfair (As a side note, it had nothing to do with Hooper. I bonded and loved him instantly with ALL my heart… I’m just speaking on behalf of the role adjustment).
With the birth of our second, I’m already acquainted with my role. I’ve already accepted the challenge. I know my place, Willy knows his. We’ve learned from our struggles the first time around and the kinks we had to work out then are already worked out. I am the primary caregiver. I say that now with pride and excitement. Although, I must admit, I’m still jealous of the fact Willy still gets to sit on the toilet forever when I’m just lucky to wipe my ass just in time to intercept a toy car Hooper’s about to throw into the toilet. But, again, it’s temporary.
Realizing that it’s all temporary and having experience in the role of primary caregiver has made me more relaxed. Being more relaxed, in turn, has made for less arguments, less kinks to work out, and less anxiety in general. I remember trying to shove food in my mouth as fast as possible because Hooper would be crying while Willy and I tried to enjoy dinner. This time around, if Van is crying during dinner it reminds me that he’s alive and I close the door and finish my dinner.
What’s your experience in becoming a mother for the first or second or third time been like? Can you relate?

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Utah, Part 1

by Ashley filed under Ashley, Motherhood, Travel, Van, Videos
I spent this past weekend in Utah, with my best friend. My heart is warm every time I’m with her. I feel inspired by her mere presence. If it sounds like I love her, it’s because I do. Every girl needs a best friend they truly love. Mine is Janet.
When we’re together, anything feels possible. The world feels small again. I swear I hear opportunity knocking on my doorstep and the footsteps of ideas running through my head. She leaves me feeling motivated and confident. Every time.
Hope you enjoy this little video of our time together. And thank you, J, for an epic weekend… The weekend where your Carla met my Van. They don’t know it, but their lives will never be the same 😉

Utah, Part 1 from The Stork & The Beanstalk on Vimeo.

Then & Now

by Ashley filed under Hooper, Then & Now, Van
Without a doubt, Hooper’s difficulty with putting on weight as an infant had a major impact on me. It’s the culprit behind my obsession with what he eats now as a toddler. I should preface this post with clarifying that Hooper’s weight was never an issue for anyone besides myself. His pediatrician asked that he come back more frequently to be weighed, but he never declared it to be an “issue” and never suggested that I supplement with formula. Taking him back frequently to be weighed, however, made me neurotic. I’d make sure to feed him just before entering the office in an effort to get just a couple ounces higher on the scale. Once he started eating solids, I’d give him as big of a meal as I could before taking him to get weighed. Secretly, I’d even hope that he’d forgo his morning shit just to add the additional ounce or whatever. I know, I’m a total wack job. I grew obsessed, and well, it’s stuck. I spent much of his first year wondering if I was giving him enough, if I was producing enough, if he was healthy. Then, after I stopped breastfeeding at a year and I could monitor completely what was going in and how much, I realized he was fine. If he was hungry, he would eat more. If you are a regular reader of this blog you know my son is difficult to feed and picky, but he does eat. After a while, I chalked his weight issues up to the fact that both Willy and I are tall and thin and it therefore only made sense that our child would be the same.
And then Van was born.
And he’s a beefcake. Coupled with the fact I don’t see much of myself in his appearance, I’ve wondered once or twice if I brought the wrong baby home from the hospital. My midwife told me that milk comes in faster and is more plentiful with the second child, but I didn’t believe her with all my heart. I don’t know the reason behind the difference in weight, but I’m oh so thankful to tuck those anxieties away in a memory box.
The onesie in the photos above is the same. Hooper is 22 weeks and Van is 6. Van has already grown out of it as evidenced by the amount of cleavage he is showing and the downward pull. I felt bad after a while of having him in it and actually unbuttoned the snaps to provide more comfort. I took it off at the end of the day and tucked it away in a bag in his closet labeled, “for the next baby”. Are you guys as astonished as I am… We’re talking about a difference of SIXTEEN weeks here people :: scratches head ::

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Van @ 1 Month

by Ashley filed under Van

Whew! The month I have coined as “survival month” has come and gone and by golly, not only did I survive, but I truly cherished each day. And I don’t even smell bad. You know why? Because I showered. Everyday. Woot woot. I’m telling you, the things we come to brag about sure change when we become moms. I told a girl at the store that I got four consecutive hours of sleep one night. She looked at me with this poor you kinda face. Little did she know I was bragging. Four hours of consecutive sleep and I feel like a million bucks. Anyway, here’s to your first month, Van! (Cheers, high fives, dosey does all around)…
Growth: You weighed 9 pounds, 8 ounces at birth and were 21 inches long. On the day we left the hospital, two days after you were born, your weight dropped to 8 pounds, 14 ounces. By the next morning, you had already gained an ounce when weighed at your first doctor’s appointment. Two days later than that, you gained three more ounces. You out-grew newborn diapers in the womb and are already wearing a size 1. At your one month checkup, you weigh an incredible 12 pounds (91st percentile = high fives all around) and are 23.5 inches long (95th percentile). I’m curious to see how your weight fluctuates. Hooper was in the 90th percentile at birth and dropped to his lowest, 10th percentile, sometime before six months of age. I could careless about percentiles this time around and feel pretty confident, based on all your pissing and shitting, that you’re getting just what you need. It is such a relief to not have to worry about your weight. 

 

Appearance: Your hair is light brown and your eyes appear steel blue, which I imagine will turn brown in time. The sclera of your eyes were red at birth, proof of being pushed into my pubic bone for three hours. You have a small birth mark on the top of your head, long skinny fingers and toes, and long skinny legs. You looked almost identical to your brother initially, but after your second week of life I’m not so sure. You seem to have different features and at this point in time, you look more like your Papa. Even more than your Papa, you look like Benjamin Button. You have a bald spot on the top right part of your head where your newborn hair has already fallen out, which doesn’t help the old man resemblance. You Papa says the bald spot will make you a faster runner. And your eyebrows and eyelashes are so light they appear non-existent.

 

Feeding: You are a tit sucking mongrel. They say I should feed you every two to three hours, but sometimes not more than an hour goes by before you’re rooting again. My milk came in on your third day of life and my boobies look so full and plentiful because of it. Sure beats the saggy tits your brother left me with. So thank you, we are both benefiting. You like to cluster feed in the mornings and evenings, gearing up for a long nights rest (I hope) and an afternoon nap (I hope). 

 

Sleeping: You’re a newborn, which means you don’t sleep for any length of time. On the plus side, you do sleep. On the negative side, you sleep mostly during the day and then expect me to party with you all night long. My days of staying up late drinking are long gone, please learn to drink your milk during the day and sleep at night. The days of swaddling seemed like so long ago, but alas, have returned. I must have swaddled and re-swaddled you twenty times a night for the first week or so. The best was when I would unswaddle you to check your diaper, discover it’s clean, then re-swaddle you only to hear a loud shit explosion come out your butt. I slept with you on the sofa for the first three weeks of life to allow Papa to get better rest so he could care for all of us during the day. He had the first couple weeks of your life off from work. You make lots of little noises during the night and I’ve had a hard time sleeping even when you’re sleeping because it always seems like you’re about to wake up. You’re in your crib now and sleeping much better. Co-sleeping doesn’t work for us. 

 

Development: Again, you’re a newborn, so development at this stage consists of opening your eyes from time and time. You are quite the wiggle worm and I presume you be an early roller just like your brother. You eat, you sleep, you shit, you pee. That’s about it. I lie, you’re also into staring at the ceiling. And not because you’re lying down on your back, but because you really and truly love the contrast of the ceiling beams. Your brother was the same way. Even when you’re sitting upright, you tweak your head to see those things. You also seem to recognize faces. Your Papa brags about the 20 minute love affair he had while you gazed into his eyes. You have a very peaceful and gentle disposition thus far, but of course that’s subject to change. 

 

Some other tidbits:
-We’ve taken to calling you “Vanderson” as a nickname. Typically nicknames are a shortened version of your given name. We are aware that we have added to you name. And we don’t care. You also call you our “little bean”.
-If you were a girl, you were going to be named Penelope. It’s a good thing you came late, however, because we would have been stuck in the shadow of the Kardashian chick who named her daughter Penelope just days before you were born. We both agree we would have had to change your name last minute. I know, we’re dumb for caring, right?
-It’s only fair to confess that you have tried to latch onto your Papa’s hairy nipple. And his nose. More than once. We call this maneuver “the woodpecker”.
-You don’t fuss often. When you do, it’s usually followed by a shit explosion. This leads to your helpful Papa changing your diaper, which in turn leads to you pissing a mile high stream into the air just as he’s about the fold over the clean diaper. It’s true, each diaper change has required at least one, sometimes two, extra diapers.
-For the record, your Papa treated himself to a massage before me. I’m just saying, for the record.
-You make many odd noises in your sleep. Sometimes they resemble a pig squealing, other times they sound like a pissed off cat or an old man grunting. It makes co-sleeping undesirable and led me to research “baby grunting syndrome”… apparently it’s a syndrome and apparently it’s normal and supposedly you’ll grow out of it. If not, I feel for your future roommates and wife.
-I’m pretty sure your brother realized his life had changed as evidenced by the random whacks on the head. By the second week, however, I’m fairly certain he has no recollection of life without you. The whacks have seemingly been replaced with an eagerness, and I mean a down right insistence, to hold you, kiss you, and get right in front of your face to say “hi-yee!”.

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Then & Now

by Ashley filed under Hooper, Then & Now, Van
I told Willy the other day that it’s too bad you can’t live your life in hindsight. When we came home with Hooper, we were hit with a ton of bricks. We were exhausted, anxious, and completely clueless. We had one of our biggest fights within the first few weeks and I don’t think either of us recalls what it was even about. We were just so tired. Sure, we both loved Hooper instantly (me a little more than Willy, truthfully), but that first month was about survival.
Bringing home a newborn this time around has been a completely different experience. I think we know now that a newborn has nothing in the way of difficulty when compared to the all-time-consuming 21 month old. Which brings me back to the fact that it’s too bad we can’t live our lives in hindsight. I think we would have enjoyed Hooper as a newborn much more if we new how easy we really had it. But, life can’t be lived in rewind mode. So my advice to first time moms is this: Relax. Enjoy these moments because next week you’ll be caring for a completely different baby; they change that fast. Just as soon as you begin reworking your life around the little bean you are holding today, that little bean starts to sprout and your plan must be adjusted again. You are not alone in thinking that the newborn stage is both wonderful and the worst thing ever at the same time. Parenthood is full of these dichotomies. You’ll have plenty of time to bond and love your child, so if you feel like you are simply “getting through” the first month, that’s okay. Hang in there.
That’s my two cents. Does anyone else have any other words of wisdom for the first timers out there? How was your experience with bringing home a second baby; was it easier than the first? How ’bout those of you with three; do they all get easier?

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First Bath.

by Ashley filed under Van
I’m behind in posting these. Please don’t think we waited over three weeks to bathe our child. Anyway, funny story: Hooper’s umbilical stump took forever to fall off. I’m talkin’ over a month. It smelled. When it did finally fall off, I put it in a box and wrapped it up for Willy. Yup, that’s the kind of relationship we have, what of it!?

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