A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
Today is the first breastfeeding posts of a couple I have planned. I know some moms that chose not to breastfeed have some residual guilt about that, so I want to preface this series with this statement: I truly believe and trust every mom does what they feel is best for them and their child. It’s a simple statement, but it’s packed with meaning. I believe pregnancy, birth, and motherhood are highly individual experiences. Just as a home birth may not be for you, breastfeeding may not be either. Truth be told, if I worked a Monday through Friday job, 9-5, I probably wouldn’t committ to breastfeeding either. In any case, what I’m saying is that I pass no judgement. For thsoe that are breastfeeding or plan on breastfeeding, I hope you can find something in this series that helps you out. Here we go…
I recently had conversations with a friend who is pregnant and my hairdresser who just gave birth a couple months ago and was a bit taken back with the lack of support they received for wanting to breastfeed. I was somewhat over-the-top with my commitment to breastfeeding Hooper, but even with that intense commitment there were several challenges and obstacles and times where I really really wanted to throw in the towel. What kept me going, you ask? Support. And it wasn’t as if support came knocking on my door in those hard times, it was a conscious effort on my part to seek it out in those tough and trying times. For starters, I had the knowledge of the fact that I was solely breastfed for my first 12 months of life. In my own mother, I had a role model. My midwife at the time, Sarah, was also a lactation consultant and made herself more than available for all of my “what should I do?” and “should I keep going?” questions. She was great and I’ve already had conversations with her this time around for continued lactation support.
Breastfeeding is hard. I had the best of circumstances in that Hooper and Van latched perfectly and I had little discomfort, and the whole experience was and still is incredibly difficult. If I wasn’t so intensely committed, I wouldn’t have persevered. I know that. That’s why I think if you make the decision to breastfeed, you have to set yourself up for success before the baby comes. Here’s some advice I would like to offer:
-Seek advice and support from others who were successful. Lots of people quit for lots of valid reasons, reasons I can surely sympathize with, but when you’re trying to persevere these aren’t the people you want to turn to. Instead, find a role model. I luckily had my mother and knowing she made the sacrifices for me was enough for me to be committed to making the sacrifices for my boys.
-Take a breastfeeding class. It’s so important to know what to expect and to have some sort of knowledge prior to starting out. The first few months are the hardest and I think this is the easiest time to give up. I would recommend doing research before hand and coming to the class with a few questions or concerns that are personal to what you envision your circumstances to be.
-Research breastfeeding support groups in your area. I believe the La Leche League is nationwide. I never used our local La Leche League, but I never had a lack of support either. Again, it’s the breastfeeding mother’s responsibility to set herself up for success. If you assess your situation and lack of support is something you notice, you need to determine where you are going to get the needed support.
-Have a conversation with your husband. It was difficult for me because I felt pressured several times throughout Hooper’s first year to supplement with formula. This pressure did not come from his pediatrician, who fully supported my dedication to solely breastfeed, it came from Willy. It was out of love and concern, but at the time it felt very harsh and un-supportive. I finally sat down with Willy and we discussed my feelings. I told him that what I need is nothing more than continued support and a pat on the back from time to time. I assured him that Hooper’s health was also in my best interest (we worried because he’s always been so thin) and that if he had concerns he needed to bring them to the pediatrician instead of me as there was no way for me to make him drink more or to feed him anymore than I was. I swear, that boy lived at the breast for his first three months. Anyway, make your desire to breastfeed clear to your husband and request his full support. Help him understand that support takes many forms. It means encouragement to continue even when you’re complaining or hurting. It also means bringing you a glass of water to help keep you hydrated. And it also means accepting a grumpy wife who has been up all night because only she can feed the baby.
Feel free to leave any additional advice you would like to offer in the comments below.
I have a long list of fears associated with becoming a mother to two and they are compounding one on top of each other in my mind this week. I feel the urge to put them down on virtual paper to expose my vulnerabilities so I can more effectively deal with them and move on. I’ve been more emotional/on edge this week and I think these fears are to blame. So here are the top six that have been floating through my mind these days (listed in no particular order):
1. Energy. Will I have the energy to be the mom I want to be? I’m already anxious about returning to work and that’s not happening for quite some time. I worry about waking up “X” amount of times during the night to breastfeed, getting up at 5am, working (and working hard mind you) on my feet for 12 hours, coming home and eating dinner at 8:30 pm, and having the energy to either do it again the next day or mother a toddler and a relatively newborn baby the next day. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
I’ve had so much time to spend with Hooper these past weeks. We’ve gone to the zoo, park, play dates, beach, and even Hawaii. We’ve had breakfast dates and picnics in the backyard. If I’m tired, I nap when he naps and we both wake up refreshed. Throw working full time and another baby into the mix and I’m haunted by the possibility of not being able to be the mom I want to be and know I can be. It’s got me pretty torn and emotional these days.
2. Breastfeeding. I know now what I’m up against and that’s good and bad. Good because I know the challenge that awaits and bad because even under the best of circumstances it is nothing short of a challenge. I’m fully dedicated and I place very high standards on myself, which makes it even more difficult because I really give myself no other option than to breastfeed. The dreamy part of me fantasizes about even going past the 12 month mark this time, but I’ll see where I’m at when I get there. I had a lot of supply issues the first time around that forced me to ween about that time, which really was a gift from above because I was more than ready to have my ta-tas back to myself.
Hooper took forever on the boob for the first three months. I’d watch half a movie before he was done breastfeeding in a single session. I’m trying to imagine how that’s going to work with Hooper climbing on top of the kitchen table or potty training or any of the other constant interruptions that require my full attention. I imagine many interrupted breastfeeding sessions which inevitably will lead to those oh-so-painful clogged milk ducts which require warm baths and relaxation and well… you know my response to that: ya freakin’ right. ::deep breaths::
3. Attention. Sometimes I feel like the Giving Tree, which I shared in my Mother’s Day post yesterday. It’s about a tree who gives everything to this little boy. The boy eats his apples until there are no apples left and uses his branches until all the branches are gone and eventually the boy gets older and all that’s left of the tree is the stump. The old man then uses the stump to sit on. So yes, sometimes I feel like the giving tree. I worry that I will be spread so thin trying to be the best mom to two children and the best wife and in the midst of trying to find the time to still care for myself, I worry that, I too, will be nothing but a tree stump for others to sit on.
4. Getting out. This one is less of a fear than the others because I realize this as being more temporary than the other worries I’ve shared. Nonetheless, I’m trying to imagine doing something simple like going to the grocery store with both of my little munchkins. For starters, the car seat will take up the space where I normally sit and strap Hooper which means Hooper will have to walk. Sure, he’s fully capable of walking. Walking is not the issue. It’s the keeping-his-hands to himself that will be an issue. I’m imagining apples coming tumbling down one after another and tomato sauce containers crashing to the ground spreading glass and tomato sauce everywhere. With more access to things, I imagine more tantrums when he can’t have what he wants. I’m imagining chaos and then I’m imagining the solution being to remain at home and wait it all out, regardless of a potentially empty fridge and grumbling tummies. Maybe I’ll start a vegetable garden outside. Ha! See, I’m trying to think positively. I’ll stop here. I won’t even mention going out to eat as a family or taking a plane ride anywhere or even going for a walk with the dog.
5. Time to Blog. This one sounds silly in comparison to the others, right? But really, this blog has become very dear to me. It takes care of my unyielding urge to document and is a wonderful venue for me unleash whatever emotions come up. I feel better, for example, just by writing this post. When I’m away from writing for any length of time I have the same feeling as having a sink full of dirty dishes. This little corner of mine here on the worldwide web has become a way to unload and a way to display all I love and cherish. It also warms my heart to relate to other moms who share my same love and struggles with motherhood. Everyone tells me I won’t have time to do things like blog and I’m determined to prove them wrong. But I’m also determined to breastfeed and be the best mom and the best wife… I’m determined to do a lot. I just hope I’m not setting myself up for disappointment by placing too many expectations on myself.
6. Losing my hair. Yup, in the midst of trying to handle, rearrange, and accept everything on your plate, the post-pregnancy hormones do you no favors. When Hooper was about 4 or 5 months I started losing hair around my hairline by the handful. About a month or so later I started to notice what Willy and I referred to as “grow backs”, little sprouting hairs starting to return. It was bittersweet. Sweet to have the hairs coming back, bitter to have little antennas sticking out everywhere. Today, a year or so later my “grow backs” are about bang length. Anything beats the bald look, really. So yes, on top of everything, I’m worried about my hair falling out. Hopefully I’m not pulling it out myself. Ha!
So there you have it. I would love to hear from others who have shared similar fears and how they dealt with them effectively. In the meantime, I’m trying to remind myself that my way of dealing with impending change is to build it up to be the worst case scenario. That way I tend to be pleasantly surprised when things aren’t as hard as I imagined them to be.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day. I’ll share a recap of our lovely Sunday within the next few days. And many congrats to my friend Lisa who birthed her second beautiful baby on Mother’s Day.
