A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
Sometimes it’s just so hard getting out the door. By the time all are fed and dressed and bags are packed, it feels like it’s time to go to bed and do the same thing all over again; all without ever actually walking out the door. So when the car is packed and all but one member of your gang has piled in, you turn a blind eye to your youngest member who comes out holding his shoelaces to his oversized shoes in his hands like a stilt walker holds his poles. You just do.
With a chuckle and a giggle and perhaps a slight shake of the head; that’s how you get through motherhood.
Because sometimes one interview isn’t enough… (You can read the first one here)
Tell us a bit about this pregnancy thus far.
Well it’s been, for the most part, pretty pleasant. Other than the kidney stone issues during the second trimester, It’s been just as enjoyable as each of my experiences prior. Though I should say that I do have preventative cerclages (stitching the cervix closed) placed early on with all of my pregnancies (aside from the first) so there’s that to deal with, but it’s a simple procedure and they typically remove the stitch around 38 weeks. With Leon I was put on a couple months of bedrest to help ward off preterm labor issues I was dealing with – which was downright tortuous – so anything outside of that really kinda pales in comparison.
How pissed are you that you can’t drink beer? Really though, admittedly, I had a beer or two while pregnant. I don’t think it’s a big deal. But how pissed are you that you can’t drink a lot of beer?
I think it’s always harder for me in the beginning. I really like beer and typically tend to drink more in the summertime so it’s an abrupt end to that aspect of your social life, but I’m fine now. Plus I’ve replaced that vice with Chocolate, so all is well. But I can’t say I won’t be pretty darn happy to see margarita in my lap at some point after the baby, when the weather warms up.
I read an article about how strangers like to give you advice when they know you’re pregnant with your first but by the time you’re pregnant beyond your fourth that those same strangers look at you more dumbfounded because they now realize you probably know a lot more than them. How’s that for a run-on sentence? Have you experienced this?
I’ve had my fair share of advice tossed my way but it’s never bothered me. Some of it has even been incredibly useful. But yes, by this stage no one is offering any life changing tips or suggestions by way of child reaering. Choosing to have four children these day totally mystifies a lot of people. We get that “look” regularly, and the typical congratulatory remarks feel a bit different with each pregnancy, but, I get it. A big family is not for everyone. Mike and I were always set on wanting three kids, four was a loose “maybe”, but in the end we decided to make a go for it. I mean, really, what’s one more kid at this point? Our home is already constantly a messy, chaotic, loud madhouse most days but it’s what we love. There is never a dull moment and as grueling and exhausting as it feels at times, it’s a hundred precent worth it. Always.
With four kiddos, I’m assuming you have to rock a full on mom-mobile. Do you feel any less cool yet? I suppose you will. Just kidding. I’m pretty certain you can make a minivan look cool.
I honestly could care less about new cars. Anyone who knows me would attest to that. I’ve never cared about my daily driver and I likely never will. I just want anything that will cart around as many people as possible and be dependable and get us to the beach. I hate picking out new cars more than anything though, so it might take awhile. It’s the old cars we love. The weekend joyrides that we hold dear to us, so as long as we have something cool to make our breakfast runs in, I’m happy.
I had intentions of co-sleeping, but it just didn’t work for us. Both of my boys, as well as my husband and I, slept better in our own beds. Do you have a plan for sleeping arrangements?
Oh gosh, I am super strict when it comes to kids and their sleep schedules. Only because with each baby I realized more and more how vital my own sleep became to all of our well being. Having them in bed with me meant I wasn’t getting good solid sleep, so while I do love a newborn sleeping beside our bed for the first 2 or 3 months, I usually try and get a patterned sleep schedule established as soon as possible. I mean, let’s be honest, naps save sanity. It’s the only time I get anything done so it’s crucial. Plus as much as I love to cuddle and lay with them in bed, I also take pride in watching my babies fall in love with and gain security in their own sleep space. Listening to them coo and talk themselves to sleep is my favorite. All of my boys loved their cribs, and their naps (up until recently) And I like having the bedroom to ourselves as a couple at a certain point too.
I assume your fourth baby must just fall out of you, right? Kidding.
Yah, that’s about right. I’ve had ridiculously easy labors so I am expecting this one to just about “fall out”. Rex was born within an hour of arriving at the hospital, and the others not much longer. Knock on wood this one follows suit.
Hooper was 9 lbs. and Van was 9 lbs 8 oz. I’ve heard they get bigger, and thus, I’m scared to have a third. How big were your first three?
Arlo was born a month early and weighed just over 6lbs, Leon was a little over 7 lbs and Rex was 8 lbs even, so I guess they do keep getting bigger.
How much to you think Rex will help with the baby? That was a joke. Don’t comment. I’ll bet Arlo could lend a helping hand though, no?
We try not to think about Rex with an infant too much. The last time he played “peek-a-boo” with my friend’s baby girl he sent her into a fit of hysterics. He’s . . . um, quite intense, so maybe seeing his brothers be calm and gentle might help? We’ll see. Arlo, though, he’s a lot of help and Leon too. They’re going to be amazing with a baby I think.
I think there’s a lot of pressure out there, partly due to blogs and social media, to hold ourselves to unmatchable mom standards; to breastfeed f o r e v e r and only feed our kids food we grow in our own gardens and to homeschool and so on and so forth. Can you speak briefly to these pressures and how you manage to sell yourself on the fact you rock as a mom? Because, really, we all rock as moms…
I don’t get too caught up in all that. And I try to never pass judgment on my end either. I’ve always said, we’re all in this together. Everyone loves their kid(s) A LOT, and at the end of the day we’re all doing the best we can. Some things work for different families and households and I just find it very unfortunate when women allow themselves to stand so divided because of differing parenting views. It’s hard work, we should all be more embracing and encouraging of one another. Luckily I’ve been able to surround myself with a few ladies who feel the same way so the support helps tremendously. Also, the more kids you have the more you start to really cling to: “don’t sweat the small stuff’ type credo. Some days you just roll with it and know tomorrow is a new day and things turn around pretty damn quick. No matter how trying it feels at the moment.
I don’t give advice to new moms other than to remind them that what feels permanent is most always temporary. What advice, if any, do you offer to new moms?
Trust your instincts. And learn to laugh about the plights you are faced with daily. My boys drive me insane constantly throughout the day, but most of the time I think the trials are hilarious. There is humor in all of it. And really, it’s such a fleeting time. You blink and your babies turn into boys and boys into men. Goes by way too fast. . .
Before you became a mother, how many children did you envision yourself having?
From age 4-8 I claimed I was going to have twelve babies. I drew pictures and named them all. Then, when I was around ten, I became much more practical and decided on six. Six was my number for a long time. I’m at four now, but everybody knows Rex already counts as two (maybe three), so . . .
Your boys are nappers. So are mine. I always envisioned myself being a “carefree” mom who could give two shits about schedules. But, when the boys miss their naps there is hell to pay and you better believe I’m the one that has to flip the bill. In hopes that you hold all the answers, tell me how you balance structure with non-structure; routine with spontaneity.
We just do. 75 precent of the time we rely on specific lunch hours and nap times, ect, but there are days I just throw it all out the window because of whatever we have planned. Sometimes it’s awful and I regret it and sometimes they pull through and it all works out. I’ve learned to just go, and not worry too much about the day’s possible outcome. Otherwise we’d probably never leave the house. I mean, they do do much better when they’re rested.
A babysitter just showed up at your front door and volunteered to watch the kids. How do you and Mike spend your evening?
Oh easy. Mexican food, margarita and a movie.
Not that the right tune takes away the pain or makes the pushing easier, but do you have a labor tunes playlist? I had fun making CD after CD but as soon as those contractions started, I wanted to tell James Taylor to kiss my ass. It was fun making them anyway and I suppose it helped me envision a beautiful, magical, music-playing-baby-slipping-right-out birth; even though that vision was all far from the truth. I digress, are you making a labor tunes playlist?
No, I won’t be making any playlists. Like I said, I deliver quick and I’m done. I want to go home immediately. We both do. After Rex was born I was ready for champagne and was (irrationally) fantasizing about going out to dinner. Seriously, it felt like a party, so there’s not much down time. We get to the hospital, have a baby and start begging for release soon there after. The last time we went home after ten hours and we were grateful. But this time I might not push too hard, a little quite time away from the boys, to get to know the new baby sounds kind of dreamy now that I sit and consider it more.
Some women write up elaborate birth plans that they hand over to the nurse in the hospital. I’ve even read about some moms writing up a sort of contract that they have their doctors sign. I’ve heard of other moms who simply show up to the hospital and tell the nursing staff to take good care of them and leave all the decision making to someone else. I had planned on a home birth, so when I ended up in the hospital I gave one instruction: please don’t offer me an epidural (I greatly regretted this decision – in the moment – when I was clinching my teeth and yelling at anyone in the room to apply counter pressure). Do you have a plan or a vision, rather, of how you would like things to go? If so, paint us a picture.
I just hope it goes as smoothly as the first three. They were all great, stress free experiences so I’ll be lucky if things happen the same way with this one. No birth plan, or instructions. You’ve met me. I’m not the most organized person in the world. Lists are just not my thing.
Briefly touch on post-partum body image. I always dreamed of imagining myself pregnant, frolicking around in a field of tall grass, not a care in the world. When I became pregnant, I watched as my body changed and I felt that little sense of impending doom — like I would never be the same. I’ve come to terms since and – though I have a long wishlist, just like anyone else – I don’t hate my body or the way it’s changed. Tell me about your experience.
Well, I don’t mind the changes in body during pregnancy. I enjoy being pregnant so that doesn’t phase me, but have to say that with each baby, it’s been harder and harder to fully “bounce back.” Weight wise, I tend to loose the weight easy enough, but it’s muscle tone that’s mostly affected. Meaning I have to really work a little harder at getting back to where I’m happy with my body after each baby. And the older you get the harder it is as well, so I know now to truly savor all the indulgences I allow while pregnant. It will all have to end soon enough. And then it’s all back to salads and light beer. Counting calories and skipping doughnuts.
Hi there. My name is Jessica Kraus, I am a stay at home mom chasing after three (soon-to-be-four) incredible (endlessly energetic) little boys. A proud Scorpio and a hard core Bod Dylan / Woody Allen fan. Like every one else now days’s I keep up a personal blog documenting some of our little life highlights, as well as run a side business alongside my husband making / selling canvas teepees for children.
Using one adjective for each, describe each member of your gaggle.
Alright.
Mike: Practical
Arlo: Determined
Leon: Dreamy
Rex: Fearless
I’m such a fan of the You Are My Wild series. Tell me what your experience has been like with the project thus far.
Oh gosh, It’s been far more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. Not only because the other members involved happen to be top notch photographers (many of whom I have respected from afar for years prior) but also because we have all become fairly close in our real life communications, developing a relationship outside of “wild” and Instagram, which is where our connection was initially rooted. A fun littler chat group that’s developed via facebook, where we all check in through the week, bounce ideas, concerns, day to day frustrations, ect. off one another. And we laugh. Lots. They are a great, incredibly funny, super talented group of people and I am so grateful to have been included in the project. I would never refer to myself as a photographer, but the project has definitely forced me to push myself and the raw skills I do have so that I don’t completely embarrass myself on a weekly basis.
Of the images you’ve submitted for You Are My Wild, which one is your favorite thus far?
I don’t know that I have a favorite. Only because from week to week they are slightly different, growing always and forever inspiring me to embrace the present and enjoy every second of their ever fleeting journey as children.
Don’t lie. Were you hoping Rex was a girl?
Oh Absolutely. I was pretty positive he was going to be a girl. We had kept it a surprise until the end so when I saw a third penis I was in complete shock. I couldn’t stop laughing. The state of shock I have yet to fully recover from – not because of the fact that we have another boy – but because that boy, is more BOY, than any boy I’ve ever met. That kid is taking years off my life, I can feel it.
I want to have a third. Willy says yes, jokingly, some days and absolutely no, not jokingly, other days. You have three. What do you think? Do you regret your decision. Ha! Of course you don’t. That’s a silly way to ask the question. Allow me to rephrase: Tell me how wonderful it is to have three boys (I know my third will be a boy and, truthfully speaking, I’m not sure I’d even know what to do with a girl).
I always say: having three kids is not hard. Having two kids, AND Rex, is beyond exhausting. But in all honesty, they are so darn hilarious it makes up for every single plight they put me through. Even in the wreck & chaos that engulfs us daily, they make me laugh constantly. The three of them are so entirely different in every way imaginable, that sometimes they feel like characters out of a comic strip. Also, the natural notion of a brother’s bond is the best. Seeing them engaged in a fist fight one second and then falling asleep piled into each other, bodies entwined, in a tiny bed, is pretty much the sweetest sight I can possibly fathom. I say have a third! Makes you feel like you’re really working.
Your husband makes stuff. How do you keep your hands off a man like that? Rhetorical question. Really though, how nice and useful is that?
Haha! Right? Obviously one of his most admirable qualities. And really the very reason I fell in love with him in the first place. I liked his old school work ethic and the fact that he can literally fix or build anything he sets his mind to. Be it plumbing, landscape, guitar, carpentry, electric, or restoring all those debunked automobiles. He knows a lot about a lot that I don’t, so it keeps me intrigued. Not to mention he also has some kind of superhuman energy, unlike anybody else I’ve ever known that enables him to wake at 4am, work a laborious 8 hour job, drive home in God awful traffic and still find time to build the teepees, tinker with an engine, play in a band and spend time with the boys, in addition to all the regular stuff it takes to keep up an active household like ours. He’s incredible. The only thing I’ve ever seen him fail at is wallpapering. And, well, he wasn’t much help with diapers either, but I let that one slide.
If I could have any talent in the world, I’d love to sing. Instead, I’m good at preventing cavities. I’ve never had one despite the fact that I didn’t even floss until I met my husband. How about you?… What talent do you wish you had… or if you want to share your cavity prevention strategies, that’s fine too.
I really wish I could cook. Like gourment meals built on exotic ingredients that everybody really loved. I am a bare essentials woman in the kitchen. Typically clinging to super simple meals. I could use some lessons.
I’m dying to read your upcoming post on public schools, sum up your thoughts in one sentence.
Thank you for reminding me that I need to write that! In short, I think it gets a pretty bad rap. I have quite a bit to offer in it’s defense. If in fact I ever get around to actually writing a post longer than a single paragraph.
Have you ever considered home school? I don’t think I have it in me. And I love Heather Rome’s whole thing she has going with her husband during the school year: #wedatewhileourkidseducate. I think I could get on board with that. Hashtag: makes me look forward to preschool.
I think homeschooling can be a great. A rewarding experience for certain mothers, and their children. But I think it depends on the kid, and how they respond to the parent in the teacher role. I did briefly consider the home schooling route just before Arlo entered kindergarten, but came to the conclusion that I really truly do not have the patience in me to provide a well rounded, focused education. Plus my math skills literally stopped at second grade, so it just wasn’t a practical option for me. And really, I feel very fortunate for the lessons I took aways from my own experiences at a public school and hope they will experience some of the same.
One more school question. I hate schedule. How hard is it, with three kids, to mix in some spontaneity? I dread starting my boys in school. I hate when everyday starts to look the same. Tell me it’s wonderful, even if you have to lie.
It’s defiantly hard on a spontaneous sprit, but we make the most of it and are pretty lenient when it comes to missing days here and there for special occasions. We let Arlo miss some times to go to Disneyland with his grandparents, or like last week – stay an extra day with them in a vacation cabin in the snow. I’ve also been known to keep them home when I see they are overly exhausted and maybe need a day to rest and recharge. In other words, we aren’t sticklers for attendance and I think the boys will hopefully look back on those special days outside of school with the same fondness I had for my own childhood “ditch days.”
You’re such a beautiful writer. Tell me more.
Hey, thank you! I do have a degree in English and was thoroughly enthralled by fiction workshops most of my later college years. Somewhere in the back of my head I fantasized about writing fiction for a living but decided to have babies back to back right out of graduating instead. I gave up the planned high school teaching gig and found my way as a mother, writer, creative whatever, as I went along. The blog is the only place I share my writing (brief as most of my postings may be) for now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to expanding that little “hobby” at some point down the line.
You and Denise have such a beautiful friendship. How did it start? How long have you been friends? Tell me what you value most about your relationship with her. Go ahead, make me miss my best friend more than I already do.
Aww, my best friend since preschool moved across the country for a few years awhile back and it broke my heart not to have her around for that period of my life. I know how you feel *Hugs*
As for Denise. It’s a friendship that sprung from Instagram (as modern day connections tend to go these days, eh?) We realized early on – through our shared photographs – that we had quite a bit in common with lifestyle in general. The first time I met her I knew instantly that we would be fast friends and it’s been the case ever since. We just get each other, the way people that have been friends for ages do, we get along easily and both have similar outlooks on the arts, plus we laugh like teenagers when we’re together. It’s an easy, fun, and very close knit connection. And, she is one of the funniest gals I know. Always keeps me on my toes, which I admire a lot in anyone in my life.
I know you’re a huge Dylan fan. I am too. I’ve seen him three times. The first was back in the 90’s (Oh Lord, that’s long enough ago to refer to the time by it’s decade… it just got all awkward up in here) and the last time was just a few years ago. He was great way back when but the last time I saw him was a bit rough. Do you still go see him live? Willie Nelson, on the other hand, now there’s an 80 year old that I’ll still throw my panties at.
I’ve heard Willie Nelson is killer live. I’ve got to see him one of these days. Dylan I’ve watched a handful of times starting when I was 16 and ending somewhere in my twenties. For me, each experience has been more painful than the last. I refuse to put myself through it again. He is what I consider to be one of my greatest loves – his songs, the soundtrack of life – cheesy as it sounds – so I can’t bear to see him reduced to a frail man waling through unrecognizable songs that I hold so dear to my heart. One concert he simply disappeared off stage for more than 20 minutes. The band was utterly baffled, the audience worried. I couldn’t stop thinking he walked off and just keeled over backstage. Ruined me for good as far as live shows go. And therefore the end of my “gotta see Dylan when he’s in town!” train of thought.
While we’re on the topic of music, here’s a taste of how random my music library is: I listen to old country, some folk, some Spanish (I love Buena Vista Social Club), oldschool hip hop like Grandmaster Flash, even some old R&B like Chaka Khan, and lots of other stuff. Gimme a glimpse into the variety in your music library.
Ooh, you’ve got a flavorfull mix there, lady. B.V.S.Club I’ll need to look into. I like mostly everything too. Folk and old blues are my favorite. But we are also stocked with a ton of old country and classic rock. I adore early Elton John and Stevie Wonder, was really in awe of Amy Winehouse’s untethered talent (miss her still) will forever love Lauren Hill and Fiona Apple, and will admit to having a huge (and lasting) crush on Jay Z. I’m not good at keeping up on newer music. But I don’t make much of an effort because I tend to depend on a couple younger (hipper) friends to keep me posted on that stuff. Just a few of the “newer” artists around I’m digging are: Edward Sharpe, Shovels and Rope, Father John Misty and Cat Power aways.
Wanna trade mixed tapes? Ya, I said tapes. Whatever.
Sure! Mine just might take a loooooong time to get to you. I’m awful with mail, or any kind.
How many bruises do you have on your legs right now? I have one huge purple on on my right thigh. The joys of having boys, I suppose.
I live in long skirts so I don’t count anymore. Please don’t make me count?
How many cars have you guys owned? And given the fact you like to buy and sell so many, how ’bout sending one my way :: wink wink ::
We have owned a LOT of cars. We could care less about having a fancy daily driver. We both vow to drive our real cars to the ground. BUT, we do enjoy a cool old set of wheels as our weekend backup. We’ve had everything from mustangs, to falcons, to novas, to VW buses to big old RV boats and now the beloved old land rover and busted bronco sitting in our driveway currently. I told Mike he needs to pick one of the two. I’m still waiting on his decision. I’ll send you the outcast?
Your favorite qualities in a women.
Humility, loyalty, sense of humor, and open mindedness.
Your favorite qualities in a man.
Humility, diligence, creativity and looking good in beards and white tee shirts.
If not yourself, who would you be?
TIna Turner. Everybody who knows me knows the fact of it. I’ll explain another time.
Where would you like to live? Where would you like to travel?
I’d like to live closer to the ocean. With a bit more land. As for travel, it’s not my strong suit, I’m comfortable near home or at home. And I’ve come to accept that in myself rather than trying to force a seeking spirit where there is not.
Advice you would have given your 20 year old self.
Don’t waste so much time and energy on trying to be so “good.” Your 30s will take care of that real quick.
Advice you would have given your first-time pregnant self.
Each child is different. They all flourish on their own time. Don’t compare!
You strike me as a woman who always has a trick up her sleeve. What’s next?
Hmm, let’s see . . .
If I can get organized and stay focused we will be launching our children’s line this Winter. A project we’ve been working on that is so long overdue. As well as a creative venture I hope might evolve and allow us to put our stamp on various products we care about down the line. I’d love to write a children’s book. And there is talk of setting up a mobile shop in a vintage trailer to house our Little Folk merchandise, but it all comes back to organization and focus. It’s easy to sit around with all these brilliant ideas. It takes a real determination to see them through. Balancing our time will always be our greatest struggle. But I have faith in us.
Please, introduce yourself to my readers. 
