{My new favorite top because it has polka dots and is breastfeeding friendly. It’s vintage, from Threading Marigolds, and was a Christmas gift from my sister.}

My house is an absolute mess right now. I’ve called two separate cleaning companies. I’ve left three messages with one and two with the other. My third message to the first company wasn’t very nice and I’m assuming they won’t be calling me back. If they do, I’d probably tell them to fuck off anyway. So while I’m impatiently waiting for the other company to return my call, books are strewn about the floor in every room, the dishwasher is waiting to be emptied, dirty dishes are piled up in the sink, empty plates from last nights dinner are still on the table, clean laundry is getting wrinklfied in the dryer because it has yet to be taken out and folded, Hooper has pissed all over the place the past two days (dear potty training, you’re really helping the cause), Sarah woke up and barfed this morning, and oh ya, there’s those ingredients for homemade cookies waiting patiently on the counter to be baked. The dirty mess has become the norm and while it is disgusting and killing my creativity, it is actually the un-baked cookies I want to talk about.

You see, I  planned on baking them with Hooper for Christmas. I bought cookie cutters in the shape of snowflakes and stars just for this occasion. And on the counter still sits the flour, the baking soda, the vanilla extract, sprinkles, frosting, and those cookie cutters. Everyday that I enter the kitchen, I look first at the pile of dirty dishes and then I notice the unbaked cookies and, well, it makes me feel like a failure of a mom. Why can’t my house stay clean? Or, more importantly, why won’t the damn cleaning companies call me back? And why can’t I make the time to bake those fucking cookies with my son?

My sister shared an article with me recently titled, “Why You’re Never Failing as a Mother”. It’s written by Amy Morrison from the Pregnant Chicken and it’s a fantastic article. I re-read it again this morning in hopes of not feeling like a piece of shit mom.

While the article agrees that mothers have been mothers for a long time, Amy adds that parents today face a greater deal of scrutiny than ever before.

She writes, “As for the past generations that like to tell you that they raised six kids on their own and did it without a washing machine? Well, sort of. Keep in mind child rearing was viewed pretty differently not that long ago and you could stick a toddler on the front lawn with just the dog watching and nobody would bat an eye at it — I used to walk to the store in my bare feet to buy my father’s cigarettes when I was a kid. As a mother, you cooked, you cleaned, but nobody expected you to do anything much more than keep your kids fed and tidy”.

Nowadays, motherhood seems to involve much more and there’s an underlying pressure to keep up with what is perceived as the norm. This false norm includes things like breastfeeding for a year or more, wearing your baby everywhere as opposed to using a stroller, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, making homemade baby food (and make sure it’s organic), teaching your baby sign language and a foreign language, reading books on parenting (Is your baby the happiest on the block?), and maintaining a career, a happy marriage, and a spotless home. Just the other day I read that parents are doing something called “elimination communication” and teaching their SEVEN month old how to shit in the toilet. I mean seriously? No, really, seriously? I’m serious. I know, I know, it’s crazy. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “Stop raising the bar you mommy war freaks!”.

No one has said it better than Amy herself, “Feeling like you also need to keep on top of scrapbooking, weight loss, up-cycled onesies, handprints, crock pot meals, car seat recalls, sleeping patterns, poo consistency, pro-biotic supplements, swimming lessons, electromagnetic fields in your home and television exposure is like trying to knit on a rollercoaster — it’s f*cking hard”.

I follow the lovely Naomi from Rockstar Diaries on instagram and couldn’t believe the scrutiny she received for taking a photo of her child in the infamous bumbo seat without the safety buckle, which is actually a separate piece that has been added because of one of those silly recalls. I mean here is an adorable mom taking a photo of her adorable child and her very own followers are giving her shit for not following up with a recall for a seat her child is sure to outgrow in another month?! It’s sad that many mommy bloggers now feel they have to sensor what they share for fear of being scrutinized by their own readers. It’s a recipe for a seemingly shallow blog when, in actuality, the scrutiny they’ve faced is the culprit behind many of the untold stories.

When did we all turn against each other? What’s with this mommy war business?

So the take home message is this: Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ve always stood firm in my belief that we all do the best we can as mothers. The decisions we make are the decisions we individually feel are best or need to make in an effort to maintain our own sanity (and that’s okay too).

One of these days Hooper and I will tackle those Christmas cookies. I hear snowflake shaped cookies taste the same in spring as they do in winter so rather than beat myself up every time I walk past those ingredients on the counter, I’m going to pretend that they’re actually whispering, “Ready when you are”.

Go pat yourself on the back. We all deserve it. And have a glass of wine tonight. I’ll join you. And we can all think of one another. Are you getting the kumbaya feeling? I am.

Side note: Standings are reset over on Top Baby Blogs… So it’s time for me to beg and plead for your votes once again. The Stork placed in 7th this last quarter so now I’m setting my sights on top 5. I know, I know, I’m crazy. Vote for me and I’ll bake you a damn snowflake cookie sometime this year. No, really, thanks for all your support. I’ve watched my blog slowly inch it’s way up which means that a handful of ya’ll are voting on a consistent basis and that really makes my world a pretty happy place.