A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
You can’t always get what you want, but in the end you get what you need.
I spent the first days after stopping breastfeeding mopping around, declaring myself to be in “a funk”; Unable to enjoy things that normally excited me, unable to be truly present to my children. I’m writing this in past tense because I didn’t feel like writing anything but dark, sad, moppy posts like this just a few weeks ago when all the tears were streaming down my I’m-so-sad-I’m-done-breastfeeding face.
Willy and I had been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. We had tickets to see Willie Nelson at the Hollywood Bowl and plans to leave the kids at my parents for the entire night. But I just couldn’t seem to shake the post-breastfeeding-blues.
I can’t tell you when the change occurred but what I can tell you is that Willie Nelson played his Stardust album from front to back and it was beautiful. There really is nothing better for the soul than music, in my opinion. We woke up the next morning and went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market by ourselves and in the absence of the munchkins, we got to dig through buried treasures and stroll leisurely through the aisles. We picked up the kids in the afternoon and went to the Ventura County Fair. We rode rides, pet goats, ate chocolate covered Twinkies. And when we got home and put the kids to bed, Willy and I climbed up on the roof and laid there under the stars to watch the meteor shower.
And, just like that, my funk disappeared. It only took a country phenom, some time with my main squeeze, a ferris wheel, and a sea full of falling stars to shake it. But alas, I shook it.
Then again, it was probably that chocolate covered twinkie because, um, hello they don’t even make Twinkies even more. Hash tag: deadstock. Oh ya, and I didn’t have to worry about breastfeeding. That was nice.
Oh ya, and you see that little San Francisco shirt Hooper has on? It’s something I bought when I lived in SF years ago, before I knew my husband as my husband… when I had only dreams of motherhood. And seeing my first born in it now not only makes me one happy Mama, but also puts things in perspective. Life is good.
We went to the Ventura County Fair the other day, prior to Willy returning to work (sigh, ::tear::), and had more fun than Pee-Wee did on his big adventure. Seriously. It was a blast. It brought to the forefront what it means to live vicariously through your children. Because truthfully, I could have cared less about riding on the carousal or animal train. But watching the joy on Hooper’s face and the tears that came each time he had to either wait (I know Hoops, it’s a tough concept) in line or get off a ride, truly made both Willy and I feel like we were on top of the world. The coolest parents in town. Way cooler than the thousands of other parents who also decided to fork out the cash to get their children the prized red wrist band that allowed for unlimited roller coaster rides. In any case, if you live in the area, I highly recommend going. I believe it’s over this weekend, but the LA County fair starts at the end of the month.
The fair was complete with a fun house, chocolate covered bacon (seriously?), pig races, pony rides, the coolest petting zoo ever, and turkey legs. I mean, seriously, does it get better than that? What’s that you say? En Vogue, “No you’re never gonna get it”, is scheduled to play? Get out. Okay, we didn’t stay for En Vogue… but that’s because the 90’s called and told us it was time to get the littles home. That’s not to say we didn’t dabble in a bit of fun and a whole lot of sugar.
Hot dog on a stick asked, “Cherry lemonade?”, and I said, “Don’t mind if I do”. Then they asked if I’d like to upgrade to a large for a dollar more (to which I usually reply with a “no”, I’ll take what I ordered biotch) but today I said, “Don’t mind if I do”.
The petting zoo was complete with deer, goats, pigs, chickens, llamas, a kangaroo, and a donkey. And not just any donkey, put a pregnant donkey. We had an instant connection. We opted to pass on the $7 pony ride, cleaned the goat turds off Hooper’s fingers, and headed home with the excitement of returning again in the years to come. So fun.
You can’t always get what you want, but in the end you get what you need.
