A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
I’ve gotten more comfortable calling myself a photographer. In fact, I’m kinda beating myself up for not having the confidence to own the title sooner; but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m less likely to refer to myself as these days is a writer because, well, I’m not a writer.
But these feelings come over me and practically nag me to be put on paper. My fingers beg to be connected to the keyboard. And thoughts torment me until they get written in post format. I’ve been asked how I manage to blog on such a regular basis and the truth is, I need to.
But it’s hard to write you have children. We might as well make the word “write” in the previous sentence a fill-in-the-blank, because whatever it is you like to do, chances are that it’s harder when you have children. Life is constantly interrupted. My train of thought, always broken. I have draft after draft of half-written posts I’m no longer inspired to finish. The moment passes and, with it, so does the urge.
Sometimes I feel guilty turning on a cartoon so I can have a moment to write. Sometimes I feel like my children are the biggest distraction and then I give myself a hard time for referring to my children as a distraction. Living in the moment is a difficult thing when you so badly want to be reflecting on a moment that has already passed.
I’ve learned to adapt. I’ve learned that sometimes you need to live in the moment. I’ve learned that if the spark doesn’t stay lit, it wasn’t that important anyway. And thus, I’ve learned to let go; to embrace motherhood. To get up and make Hooper a snack or go outside and chase Van around when he comes up to me while I’m typing. And if I can come back to my half-written sentence and finish it off, then it was meant to be. If not, I click on that little trash can and call it a day.
Life, with children, is always going to be interrupted. But, like everything, perspective is key. Maybe it’s my thoughts that are interrupting my time with my children. There’s always two tales to every story, isn’t there?
What sacrifices do you make on a daily basis? Sometimes I need a moment to myself to just write and reflect. What do you use your alone time to do?
11 Responses
Ashley,
Though I have never commented before, I have been reading your blog for about two years. You write so wonderfully–articulating truths about motherhood that I was only beginning to make sense of in my head.
Thank you for writing. Thanks you for taking on those interruptions. And please, please don’t stop.
I can relate on so many levels. I lived to write until my daughter came along and now I live for her. I guess in a way, I’m living to write about her because she seems to be the topic of my writing more often than not. I’ve referred to her as a distraction before and, much like you, immediately regretted it then I realized she’s not a distraction… she’s my inspiration, my motivation and the reason I do what I do. I’m with you. Write when you can, what you can and please never stop taking pictures.
Yes, everything changes when you have kids. Perspective totally shifts. I like how you said she is now your inspiration. I can relate to that as well. They sure fuel my love for photography. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Who knew my sister would be such the writer? Of course, I can relate. And losing the time to write is one of my fears of having kids. Like you, I NEED to write. It’s not a choice, really. It’s like sleeping or eating. You may feel guilty putting on those cartoons, but your boys will be so grateful later for the words you got down on paper (or screen).
Thank you for this honest post. First, let me start by saying it baffles me that you didn’t have the confidence to call yourself a photographer! Your pictures are some of the most captivating I’ve seen. Really, truly. Also, it’s so important to give yourself YOU time. Many parents have gotten caught in the whirlwind of always being there for their kids, with their kids, and feeling guilty of they’re not giving their all, all the time. The truth is that you need time for yourself. That’s just important as the time you have with your little ones. Love your pictures, love your writing! Keep persevering. You’re damn good.
I too always have several unfinished drafts that, when I come back to, have just lost their spark. I used to get pretty upset about those, but I’m learning to just keep moving, even if it feels aimless.
I’ve also had a hard time with labels, thinking that in order to call myself something, I have to be making money doing it. But then I guess none of us could call ourselves mothers ha! And, for what it’s worth, I think you are a writer:) A good one.
your photography work is amazing. your writing is always honest, which i love. thank you for keeping it real and inspiring others to do the same.
i was catching up on my blog more and more until a few weeks ago, then completely stopped again. i remembered something you said about not wanting any of this to be stressful and have taken a whole new approach to it. i don’t have a need to write like you do, but when i do the photos and the memories come back full force and give me such great perspective on life with my child. it makes even the hard times seem less hard. it is therapeutic when i do blog, i need to make more time for it.
i have such little “me” time that it is the last on my list of “things to do”. workout and shower are tops, sometimes eat as well or start preparing dinner or get ready for work on my 2 nights or prep food for the week or laundry or etc. i’m not very good at taking the “me” time i do have to do something for myself. or taking the time when my son is content to write a post or two or knit or read. i have been trying to read more, but with in 2 pages i’m falling asleep, so what’s the point? usually i get the laptop open to blog and get too involved in social media, blogs, pinterest, etc. rather than writing a post and before i know it my me time is up.
right now i “should” be with my husband while our son is sleeping instead of on here, but here i am. i’m not good at making sacrifices. i go overboard and neglect too much of something else. i’m still trying to find balance. less time needs to be spent on social media and more on logging and documenting our life and my son.
I’ve gotten more comfortable calling myself a photographer. In fact, I’m kinda beating myself up for not having the confidence to own the title sooner; but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m less likely to refer to myself as these days is a writer because, well, I’m not a writer.
Ashley,
Though I have never commented before, I have been reading your blog for about two years. You write so wonderfully–articulating truths about motherhood that I was only beginning to make sense of in my head.
Thank you for writing. Thanks you for taking on those interruptions. And please, please don’t stop.
Most sincerely,
Megan
Thanks for taking the time, really and truly.
I can relate on so many levels. I lived to write until my daughter came along and now I live for her. I guess in a way, I’m living to write about her because she seems to be the topic of my writing more often than not. I’ve referred to her as a distraction before and, much like you, immediately regretted it then I realized she’s not a distraction… she’s my inspiration, my motivation and the reason I do what I do. I’m with you. Write when you can, what you can and please never stop taking pictures.
Yes, everything changes when you have kids. Perspective totally shifts. I like how you said she is now your inspiration. I can relate to that as well. They sure fuel my love for photography. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Who knew my sister would be such the writer? Of course, I can relate. And losing the time to write is one of my fears of having kids. Like you, I NEED to write. It’s not a choice, really. It’s like sleeping or eating. You may feel guilty putting on those cartoons, but your boys will be so grateful later for the words you got down on paper (or screen).
Yes, yes, yes… who would have known?! Must be in the blood. Ha. Not that I’m even near your level, but I feel your “need”… Love you.
Thank you for this honest post. First, let me start by saying it baffles me that you didn’t have the confidence to call yourself a photographer! Your pictures are some of the most captivating I’ve seen. Really, truly. Also, it’s so important to give yourself YOU time. Many parents have gotten caught in the whirlwind of always being there for their kids, with their kids, and feeling guilty of they’re not giving their all, all the time. The truth is that you need time for yourself. That’s just important as the time you have with your little ones. Love your pictures, love your writing! Keep persevering. You’re damn good.
Circus & Bloom
♥♥♥
You should scroll back through the archives and see where my photos started… haha… we all start somewhere, I suppose. Thank you for your kind words.
I too always have several unfinished drafts that, when I come back to, have just lost their spark. I used to get pretty upset about those, but I’m learning to just keep moving, even if it feels aimless.
I’ve also had a hard time with labels, thinking that in order to call myself something, I have to be making money doing it. But then I guess none of us could call ourselves mothers ha! And, for what it’s worth, I think you are a writer:) A good one.
You’re so sweet. xo And yes, just keep moving — that’s key…
your photography work is amazing. your writing is always honest, which i love. thank you for keeping it real and inspiring others to do the same.
i was catching up on my blog more and more until a few weeks ago, then completely stopped again. i remembered something you said about not wanting any of this to be stressful and have taken a whole new approach to it. i don’t have a need to write like you do, but when i do the photos and the memories come back full force and give me such great perspective on life with my child. it makes even the hard times seem less hard. it is therapeutic when i do blog, i need to make more time for it.
i have such little “me” time that it is the last on my list of “things to do”. workout and shower are tops, sometimes eat as well or start preparing dinner or get ready for work on my 2 nights or prep food for the week or laundry or etc. i’m not very good at taking the “me” time i do have to do something for myself. or taking the time when my son is content to write a post or two or knit or read. i have been trying to read more, but with in 2 pages i’m falling asleep, so what’s the point? usually i get the laptop open to blog and get too involved in social media, blogs, pinterest, etc. rather than writing a post and before i know it my me time is up.
right now i “should” be with my husband while our son is sleeping instead of on here, but here i am. i’m not good at making sacrifices. i go overboard and neglect too much of something else. i’m still trying to find balance. less time needs to be spent on social media and more on logging and documenting our life and my son.
work in progress over here, story of my life.